Damn so Tianli deliberately outed her out of spite, yeesh. "She did better than me in school and the guy I liked wanted her contact info" is a pretty goddamn petty reason to betray a supposed best friend, yeah no shit Xingyuan isn't comfortable around her.

I think it's a bit more than that. She also seemed to desire attention from Xingyuan and was envious of the affection she was giving to others, more than anything. She seemed to feel abandoned in the way she felt abandoned by her family. I'm not sure that the guy really had much to do with it.

yeah it's pretty clear that had Tianli had the courage to send the "why don't you care about me message" that all of this would have gone very different, but ultimately the message she did end up sending to the guy while voicing the exact same frustration was sent to someone she should not have voiced it to.

Like not to say that she didn't do anything wrong, but pretty clearly her goal whether she realized it or not was to get Xingyuan to look HER way again to be HER best friend again, to be HER.....

But then of course she didn't manage to voice those feelings and her frustration with it all got her to write a very bad message to the exact wrong person and now it IS her fault that Xingyuan had to drop out of highschool, has her entire famliy breathing down her neck, and feels like she'll never get to be happy again. And yeah Tianli seems to realize that at least.

last edited at Feb 22, 2024 10:41AM

Damn so Tianli deliberately outed her out of spite, yeesh. "She did better than me in school and the guy I liked wanted her contact info" is a pretty goddamn petty reason to betray a supposed best friend, yeah no shit Xingyuan isn't comfortable around her.

I think it's a bit more than that. She also seemed to desire attention from Xingyuan and was envious of the affection she was giving to others, more than anything. She seemed to feel abandoned in the way she felt abandoned by her family. I'm not sure that the guy really had much to do with it.

yeah it's pretty clear that had Tianli had the courage to send the "why don't you care about me message" that all of this would have gone very different, but ultimately the message she did end up sending to the guy while voicing the exact same frustration was sent to someone she should not have voiced it to.

Like not to say that she didn't do anything wrong, but pretty clearly her goal whether she realized it or not was to get Xingyuan to look HER way again to be HER best friend again, to be HER.....

But then of course she didn't manage to voice those feelings and her frustration with it all got her to write a very bad message to the exact wrong person and now it IS her fault that Xingyuan had to drop out of highschool, has her entire famliy breathing down her neck, and feels like she'll never get to be happy again. And yeah Tianli seems to realize that at least.

Especially since Tianli brought back up Xingyuan's line about "don't worry just because I like girls, doesn't mean I like any girl" while she was remembering Xingyuan with these new girls. I personally think Tianli resented it when Xingyuan said that line earlier. Then add on your "why don't you care about me" line and it feels more like Tianli was resentful of the attention Xingyuan was giving others. It reads to me like Tianli liked Xingyuan romantically back then and didn't handle her feelings well.

last edited at Feb 22, 2024 10:55AM

Turns out betraying someone, ruining their life, being the driving cause behind others psychologically abusing them, on of top putting them into a potentially dangerous situation due to the possibility of homophobic response involving physical violence as well, will in fact make them dislike you and spend even less time with you. Who could have guessed?

Well, wasn't too far off with my theory, there were just a couple of additional reasons for her telling him this as well. Incredibly stupid move, of course, but at the time she certainly wasn't in a state of mind where she could think clearly. As much quite understandable hate as she's getting here, I can't help but feel bad for her. This chapter really did do a good job of conveying her feelings to the point that I'm close to tears myself at seeing hers.

I'm surprised Xingyuan still uses "The Xingyuan who totes belongs to her Tianli" as her online ID. You'd think she would have picked a different username by now.

... unless she doesn't know it was Tianli who outed her? Damn, I can't remember if there was anything in Xingyuan's flashbacks about how the outing started.

This chapter really did do a good job of conveying her feelings to the point that I'm close to tears myself at seeing hers.

I feel you.

last edited at Feb 22, 2024 1:20PM

I'm surprised Xingyuan still uses "The Xingyuan who totes belongs to her Tianli" as her online ID. You'd think she would have picked a different username by now.

... unless she doesn't know it was Tianli who outed her? Damn, I can't remember if there was anything in Xingyuan's flashbacks about how the outing started.

No, no. I don't remember either but there's no frigging way she doesn't know.

This chapter really did do a good job of conveying her feelings to the point that I'm close to tears myself at seeing hers.

I feel you.

Tianli sure doesn't feel like an unsympathetic character to me. The bad stuff just kept piling up and she couldn't take the pressure. And she ended up hurting herself too, not as much as Xingyuan but still pretty hard.

And she wants to somehow make amends. This matters a lot, by my book. I hate the notion that when you grow up and become an adult you have to forget all the things that happened before because it was just unimportant children silliness. You know, like those assholes were saying in the chat? Thx god Tianli doesn't think like that.

So the childhood friend definitely isn't a rival, but just and S-tier, A-5 credit, grade-A bitch.
Notes doted.

Damn so Tianli deliberately outed her out of spite, yeesh. "She did better than me in school and the guy I liked wanted her contact info" is a pretty goddamn petty reason to betray a supposed best friend, yeah no shit Xingyuan isn't comfortable around her. I'm not sure how one even begins to make amends for doing that kind of evil on purpose, but Tianli barely even seems to have started beyond just putting herself in front of Xingyuan and hoping it just works somehow?? Just about the only hope for her I can imagine is one where she's still being dishonest: that text to Wang was phrased somewhat ambiguous and Xianyuan might not know it was an intentional act of spite. That would make Tianli an even worse person than how she appears after this chapter, though.
This context also highlights the importance of Xingyuan's relationship to Xiaoen, someone who's very open and uninhibited and an established adult who has basically no reason to ever be jealous of her. Xiaoen probably makes Xingyuan feel safe with all those character traits the other people around them criticize her for.

You've missed some subtext, and maybe some text there. I'm absolutely sure Tianli liked Xingyuan, not Wang. That "Why couldn't it be me" isn't about the guy, it's about her. She's sitting there thinking about how Xingyuan explicitly told her she wasn't interested in her romantically, and literally almost texted her "Why don't you care about me?" The girl has it bad, and not only is Xingyuan saying she isn't interested, she's becoming steadily more distant and distracted.

Xingyuan's getting more popular as she gets more successful, and it's distracting her from Tianli, who she takes for granted. Meanwhile Tianli is realizing that she likes Xingyuan and is hurt that she's becoming more distant while also taking opportunities away from her. All of that pain and jealousy and unrequited love overflowed until she did something she regretted.

Not saying it makes her okay, but it's not the kind of jealous spite you seem to think it is.

You've missed some subtext, and maybe some text there. I'm absolutely sure Tianli liked Xingyuan, not Wang.

The panel with Wang playing soccer while fangirls spectate from the stands is a hint like a hammerblow. All are watching him and cheering like madwomen except Tianli who looks like she couldn't care less and is instead watching her phone and desperately wishing for a text from Xingyuan.

last edited at Feb 22, 2024 10:26PM

you know a manga is spicy when half the comments are longer than the commenter's profile pics

You've missed some subtext, and maybe some text there. I'm absolutely sure Tianli liked Xingyuan, not Wang. That "Why couldn't it be me" isn't about the guy, it's about her. She's sitting there thinking about how Xingyuan explicitly told her she wasn't interested in her romantically, and literally almost texted her "Why don't you care about me?" The girl has it bad, and not only is Xingyuan saying she isn't interested, she's becoming steadily more distant and distracted.

Xingyuan's getting more popular as she gets more successful, and it's distracting her from Tianli, who she takes for granted. Meanwhile Tianli is realizing that she likes Xingyuan and is hurt that she's becoming more distant while also taking opportunities away from her. All of that pain and jealousy and unrequited love overflowed until she did something she regretted.

Not saying it makes her okay, but it's not the kind of jealous spite you seem to think it is.

I wouldn't call it text, there's some stuff we can interpret as potentially a romantic interest, but it could also be wanting to keep the attention of the cool popular girl who used to be very close to her and has left her behind. And those types of motivations can't explain all the elements in the chapter, like Xingyuan pulling ahead of her in the competition to get the study abroad scholarship Tianli's family was pushing her to get, and Wang, the guy she introduced to us as her crush, wanting Xiangyuan's contact info. She doesn't seem interested in him anymore, but that certainly doesn't mean she can't feel bitter about the thought of her best friend succeeding in yet another area where Tianli did not. And when she remembers Xiangyuan talking about not liking every girl, the image is not from that scene but rather Xiangyuan being popular with girls at school.

Is Tianli thinking "why couldn't it be me?" supposed to be her jealous of Xiangyuan being popular and successful and happy, or is it her being jealous of those other girls getting attention from Xiangyuan, or is it "why couldn't I be the girl she likes"? I think that's deliberately ambiguous. I don't think there's any one cut and dry "it's just this and not that" explanation for her actions, because I doubt she could fully tell you. Teenagers are stupid and impulsive like that. But spite or bitterness clearly seemed to be at least part of it. The framing makes it clear that no matter why she wanted to do it, she was doing it in the moment to hurt Xingyuan on purpose, and while she immediately regrets it she can't take it back. That's some real big heavy shit to deal with for them both. Xianyuan might tell her she's forgiven, but will the guilt go away? Will they be friends again? It doesn't seem likely right now.

You've missed some subtext, and maybe some text there. I'm absolutely sure Tianli liked Xingyuan, not Wang. That "Why couldn't it be me" isn't about the guy, it's about her. She's sitting there thinking about how Xingyuan explicitly told her she wasn't interested in her romantically, and literally almost texted her "Why don't you care about me?" The girl has it bad, and not only is Xingyuan saying she isn't interested, she's becoming steadily more distant and distracted.

Xingyuan's getting more popular as she gets more successful, and it's distracting her from Tianli, who she takes for granted. Meanwhile Tianli is realizing that she likes Xingyuan and is hurt that she's becoming more distant while also taking opportunities away from her. All of that pain and jealousy and unrequited love overflowed until she did something she regretted.

Not saying it makes her okay, but it's not the kind of jealous spite you seem to think it is.

I wouldn't call it text, there's some stuff we can interpret as potentially a romantic interest, but it could also be wanting to keep the attention of the cool popular girl who used to be very close to her and has left her behind. And those types of motivations can't explain all the elements in the chapter, like Xingyuan pulling ahead of her in the competition to get the study abroad scholarship Tianli's family was pushing her to get, and Wang, the guy she introduced to us as her crush, wanting Xiangyuan's contact info. She doesn't seem interested in him anymore, but that certainly doesn't mean she can't feel bitter about the thought of her best friend succeeding in yet another area where Tianli did not. And when she remembers Xiangyuan talking about not liking every girl, the image is not from that scene but rather Xiangyuan being popular with girls at school.

Is Tianli thinking "why couldn't it be me?" supposed to be her jealous of Xiangyuan being popular and successful and happy, or is it her being jealous of those other girls getting attention from Xiangyuan, or is it "why couldn't I be the girl she likes"? I think that's deliberately ambiguous. I don't think there's any one cut and dry "it's just this and not that" explanation for her actions, because I doubt she could fully tell you. Teenagers are stupid and impulsive like that. But spite or bitterness clearly seemed to be at least part of it. The framing makes it clear that no matter why she wanted to do it, she was doing it in the moment to hurt Xingyuan on purpose, and while she immediately regrets it she can't take it back. That's some real big heavy shit to deal with for them both. Xianyuan might tell her she's forgiven, but will the guilt go away? Will they be friends again? It doesn't seem likely right now.

Well put. Pretty much my feelings on her as well. At least for now. I'm leaning in the romantic direction though.

You've missed some subtext, and maybe some text there. I'm absolutely sure Tianli liked Xingyuan, not Wang.

The panel with Wang playing soccer while fangirls spectate from the stands is a hint like a hammerblow. All are watching him and cheering like madwomen except Tianli who looks like she couldn't care less and is instead watching her phone and desperately wishing for a text from Xingyuan.

This. You can't look at that scene and not realize that the author is trying to tell you something; ie, this girl is thinking only of Xingyuan and doesn't give a shit about popular boy anymore.

I can't stop screaming at Dat hand touched down. Aaaaaaaahhhh!!! Xingyuan is about to be save by her bae. Hopefully helping her to sort out this emotional drama.

This was like 2 bait-and-switches in one chapter and both worked well, this didn't go like I thought it would at all :P

Oh man, after all this Xingyuan still blames herself for everything when nothing was her fault. Like it’s her fault for being gay or smart. I really wonder what she thinks made her detestable, the guilt and self-loathing runs deep.

last edited at Feb 25, 2024 6:19AM

"Ah yes I still communicate with that group of homophobic assholes about you", very smooth...

Xiaoen probably knew that meeting was going to be a train wreck. Xingyuan keeps breaking my heart. Girl deserves to be fully and wholly loved.

"Ah yes I still communicate with that group of homophobic assholes about you", very smooth...

Yeah, as much as I sympathise with Tianli she completely fumbled that conversation with the emotional delicacy of mining drill

And she wants to somehow make amends. This matters a lot, by my book. I hate the notion that when you grow up and become an adult you have to forget all the things that happened before because it was just unimportant children silliness. You know, like those assholes were saying in the chat? Thx god Tianli doesn't think like that.

I agree with you and I'm extremely glad that the author is making a point of conscientiously and resolutely rebuke that moronic notion. You find a lot (in comics or films or tv shows) characters who have been hurt or bullied when they were kids and still carry the scars as adults, and everyone tells them "What, you're still sore about that? You pathetic loser. It was just children's games. Get over it. Grow up." It makes me so mad. It's basic textbook stuff that repressing childhood traumas wrecks you as an adult and takes you straight to the divan of a psychiatrist.

You find a lot (in comics or films or tv shows) characters who have been hurt or bullied when they were kids and still carry the scars as adults, and everyone tells them "What, you're still sore about that? You pathetic loser. It was just children's games. Get over it. Grow up." It makes me so mad.

Lol I confess I have a weak spot for characters who were victimized as children and later, when they grow up and have the power and strength they lacked as kids, look for their harassers and exact a horrible revenge.

Too bad they're always the villain of the story. :P

last edited at Feb 25, 2024 1:26PM

I can buy the childhood friend feeling regret but still talking to the people that ruined her entire life, near disowned from her family, with heavy emotional scars still fresh as the day she got them and having the GALL to ask they be forgiven? I’m sorry but this girl need to hit the road , this became more about resolving their own guilt rather than actually trying to make amends

As much as she may say it, Xingyuan is certainly not already over her past, but at least she should be able to break free after all is said and done. It's honestly a good thing Tianli is here now to properly apologize and tell Xingyuan she was never in the wrong - as much as all her new friends may tell it to her, it's so easy for someone in her situation to dismiss the words of someone who wasn't there, but much harder when they come from the one she still feels she hurt, even when in reality she herself was hurt much more.

The transition of Xingyuan's phone falling in the past to her phone falling in the present was a really wonderful way to show that she still suffers from that horrible event. Sucks to see Xingyuan putting herself down to force herself to "get over" that past trauma.

"I don't want to be friends!" - peak Xiaoen, love a woman who knows what she wants. Also poor Bai lol.

Despite how hard she's trying, I find it hard to sympathize with Tianli's actions or accept that she should be anywhere near where Xingyuan is. She may regret her past choices, but that doesn't earn her forgiveness. She can't take back what she has done. Why should Xingyuan "get over it" and just act as if the past didn't happen, over a handful of regret and an apology ?

Tianli apologizing means she's not an awful person, but that's it. Some things you can't repair, and some errors you can't correct. She can't, or isn't trying to, bring anything positive to Xingyuan, especially not anything to balance out the damage she has caused. The only thing she brings is bad memories.

Xiaoen could very well surprise me, but I expect that she'll tell Xingyuan the only good thing Tianli's presence can bring - the acknowledgement that the people who hurt her were dumb assholes, and she should hate them, not herself.

And as for Tianli, she should just go back home and tell the people in her chat group that their denial of the suffering they caused is shameful. If she blames herself for what happened to Xingyuan, as she should, that's just something she'll have to live with. Maybe if she regrets it enough or wants to atone for her guilt, she could try to make sure no others suffer in the same way by participating in some form of anti-discrimination activities.

I don't dislike Tianli, in fact, I rather like a character who bears a scar, a mistake they acknowledge but feel they can't do anything about, and the guilt that goes with it. I just think she deserves it all.

And she wants to somehow make amends. This matters a lot, by my book. I hate the notion that when you grow up and become an adult you have to forget all the things that happened before because it was just unimportant children silliness. You know, like those assholes were saying in the chat? Thx god Tianli doesn't think like that.

Forget, or apologize and move on, is there any difference ? The damage is done. She wants to make amends, but what is she trying to do in that sense ? Reason with Xingyuan's father ? Give her the networking and connections she missed because of being ostracized ? She's not trying, and I suspect it would be pointless to because those tasks are impossible, there is no way to repair the damage she's done. Which is why in my mind, by attempting to apologize, she's not better than the other kids in the group chat. Except for one thing : she feels guilty. And once she'll understand that this guilt is something she deserves and must live with, she'll be "redeemed", for me.

last edited at Feb 25, 2024 6:46PM