Forum › An Easy Introduction to Love Triangles (To Pass the Exam!) discussion

joined Jul 26, 2016

I'm kinda amused by how utterly Akira fails at being a soap-opera villain and basically gives up on it before even getting started. Girl can't even steel herself to "be cruel to be kind" lel

joined Dec 17, 2018

I like Lemons

But not limes somehow

Same

joined Sep 6, 2018

Hate was a strong word. My bad. It's actually just what I don't understand about a polyamory relationships.

I believe you.

And coming at it from this angle means things vis a vis polyamory can be addressed, so I’ll do that if you’d like to read. No claws this time, either.

I don't get what you mean. There's plenty of unrequited love out there, and it's cruel. Life is often cruel.

Life is cruel, no doubt; but I don’t see how that has bearing on whether it’s cruel to go into a place where there’s for sure poly people to say, “I hate polyamory.” You’re queer—I’m sure you know what that feels like, for others to see stuff like that in a place they might want to believe would be safe. It seems you recognize this was... indelicately put, though, so yeah.

Furthermore, because Rin is polyamory and a lot of people aren't, the people who she can't fully love end up getting hurt.

I mean you could say this of gay, ace, or trans people as well—are we responsible for the pain of those that wish we were different than we are? Am I to blame when a man gets angry because I don’t like men, so I can’t be with him the way he wants? It’s true that someone when someone is poly in a world that doesn’t have room or understanding for that, there will be pain. But that isn’t the responsibility of the poly person.

Furthermore—she did fully love both of them. That’s the thing with poly; you can love multiple people fully, in different ways. Just like how you have friends for different reasons, you might have different loves, but having multiple friends doesn’t mean you like a given friend any less—it might even mean that you get to have some needs met elsewhere, and spend more time in the core of what makes that relationship enjoyable to y’all.

If you approach it with mono frameworks, which say (for example) that wanting other people while in a relationship means you don’t love your partner enough, it’s hard to grasp how poly relationships actually work. This is a little like when straight people say, “who’s the man?”—it’s a perfectly reasonable question from a certain point of view, but it misses the point of how queer and het relationships are different.

So, going back to the text, the problem was that she couldn’t choose between them, because she loved both of them. They wanted mono love, and she doesn’t love like that. How would you choose between two people you loved dearly, like two children, two members of your found family? Would you press someone you cared about to make such a choice? I think what we’re seeing here is A) a clash between the needs of a poly person and someone who is not okay with being in a poly relationship, and B) poor communication and consideration from the friend—which, sometimes it be like that when you’re in highschool.

I also noticed a language of probability or luckiness in your discussion of poly and if Rin’s situation, which I’ll address in a second.

Before I get into that, though—I don’t want to mix personal stuff with what I intend to be an even-keeled discussion of polyamory. So all I’ll say is, if where you’re at now is wishing you were heterosexual, I’m sorry if anybody made you feel like that was a bad thing. Your feelings on that are valid and deserve space, esp. from a support group. I’ve been somewhere similar, and it was fucking rough; I hope you can get to a place where that’s no longer the headspace that it makes sense for you to be in, but I also know that sometimes, that’s where it makes sense for you to be. And, I want you to know that some members of my found family are fat and queer and poly, and they are finding their joy, even though things are rough sometimes; there is a space for all those things in this world. However you are, there is hope and kindness out there, and a time where safety is not so pressing and you can put joy and healing first.

So, back to the issue of luck. I can see there’s a logic from which Rin might seem entitled, having two women that love her and not choosing either of them. Could she not settle for one of them?

I think there’s multiple tacks here. The one that immediately presents itself to me is that settling for a relationship is often a doomed scenario, and doubly so if you’re settling because there’s a part of you that person rejects. For her to go along with this person that she cares about, but not have access to her full orientation—and likely to be constantly fed a jealous person’s perspective on her needs, that would be really painful. I also don’t think things can be reduced to an equation of, “choose one and have one, or neither and have one.” Choosing her friend under the tree means actively rejecting her other friend—I don’t think she’s willing to do that part of the choice, because she loves both of them.

Basically, I think that scenario was never going to work out in a way that was okay for Rin. She was in a double bind, so to speak; her friends weren’t honest with her about their intentions for literally years, pretending to be friendly with one another while always hoping she’d choose one over the other, until at the end she’s the one stuck holding the bag, and they’ve removed opportunity for communication. That’s kind of fucked up.

Rin of course has the advantages of being thin, cis, and conventionally attractive, and so might not have to consider the logic of “is this the last time someone will be interested in me” like some of us do. But I think she made the best choice for herself in this scenario. I think even a scenario where she deals with the fallout of this relationship without falling in love again or having people that want to get with her would be a happier read than watching her suffer more in that relationship, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I hope this leaves you (or whoever’s reading) better able to understand poly relationships.

last edited at Nov 13, 2020 1:06PM

20201220_130345
joined Aug 19, 2020

Man I love Akira, and that's it, that's the post.

Lewd
joined Jun 23, 2015

Anyone who talks shit about Akira from here on out is gonna catch these hands.

Man I love Akira, and that's it, that's the post.

Well said.

joined Jul 23, 2017

Akira's mindset is becoming like Rin. I mean it's kinda sad to think that one of them will be left out

Photo-1445
joined Dec 15, 2011

Akira's shifting perspective, even though she's going through it kind of fast, is very relatable. Not even "coming to terms" with the fact that the other person is poly, but actually understanding it (even if it takes time to sink in) and your feelings changing to suit that. That kind of thing doesn't HAVE to hurt, no matter what most people think.

Minami
joined Jun 25, 2019

I think it's definitively going to far for me to follow the flow of the discussion.

Snowfox
joined Jan 31, 2015

RPPuzzle said :

I went to a local LGBT support group. It was a place to share our feelings about being gay. I shared my feelings about being gay and that I have a hard time liking and accepting myself for it. I would rather be heterosexual just because it would make life a little bit easier on me, especially growing up in a staunch Christian household.

Somehow, apparently, it's a threat to other people that I feel that way about being gay. It's like they're saying that I'm saying that it's wrong for other people to accept their gayness. I'm not, and the only reason I shared is because I was hoping I wasn't alone in feeling this way, but I guess I am. Apparently we're all just supposed to be extremely happy that we're gay and completely accepting of it. And if you think differently when you're among other LGBT, you better just keep it to yourself.

My kid had a tough time figuring out who/what they were, and started attending an LGBT group once they realized that they were queer. One of the things that happened was that a generational gap developed over the course of a mere three years. The older teens in the program had the kinds of difficulties you describe, many of them sneaking out to go the the program because they were still in the closet. Some were abused and/or homeless because of the way their families reacted when they found out. But the younger teens joining the program were very open and out, and vocal about it. They came from supportive families, had queer and straight friends who accepted each other and all hung out together, and they could never understand the challenges the older teens had faced. It's kind of weird that there was such a huge gap in experiences with such a small gap in years, and it made things really awkward between the older and younger teens, because the younger ones just couldn't understand (and had no patience for) what the older teens were dealing with. The whole "support" aspect started to slip away, and it became more of a hang-out-and-have-fun group.

On the one hand, it's heartening to see attitudes and experiences evolving before our eyes. On the other hand, it is sad to see people take for granted the experiences that others have fought or are still fighting through. Just because people form a community on the basis of being queer does not mean that every queer experience is the same. But that is far different from saying that your experience is unique. You are not alone.

last edited at Nov 13, 2020 6:14PM

Yuriprofilepiccropped
joined May 27, 2019

I love the three leads so much.

Rin is extremely relatable and just doing her best.

Akira's doing her best, but grumpier.

And Mayuki is ascending to a being of pure thirst.

joined Jul 26, 2016

And Mayuki is ascending to a being of pure thirst.

My Cute Kouhai Can't Be This Horny

OrangePekoe Staff
Screenshot_100
joined Mar 20, 2013

Akira is wonderful, it's so interesting that she's this divisive character. Really looking forward to her continuing to grow.

And Mayuki is ascending to a being of pure thirst.

She is growing too powerful.

But the younger teens joining the program were very open and out, and vocal about it. They came from supportive families, had queer and straight friends who accepted each other and all hung out together, and they could never understand the challenges the older teens had faced. It's kind of weird that there was such a huge gap in experiences with such a small gap in years

This seems - to me - pretty universal, at least in the US. Certainly it's something I've experienced, and seen plenty of anecdotal situations matching the general template. A difference of even 4 or 5 years can make the experiences so foreign you'd be surprised at how few similarities actually remain. It feels like a downwind effect of national politics, with the US fighting over an anti-gay constitutional amendment in 2004, to gay marriage itself being legalized just 11 years later.

last edited at Nov 13, 2020 5:12PM

joined Jan 14, 2020

If 7% of the US is gay, simplistically that would mean 7% of men and 7% of women. Yes, half the initial 7% is gay female, but half the population is female, so it cancels out.

Or in graspable numbers:
1000 Americans
500 men
500 women
70 gay
35 gay men
35 gay women

35 gay women / 500 women = 7%

(Now whether the initial 7% is accurate is another matter.)

last edited at Nov 13, 2020 9:07PM

Capture%20sakukallen
joined Apr 17, 2015

^ Depends on what we mean by "gay" to begin with. Between "gay" and "het" I assume there’s a whole spectrum of bisexuality from "gay but a little het" to "het but a little gay", which somewhat blurs the line.

last edited at Nov 13, 2020 10:08PM

Yuriprofilepiccropped
joined May 27, 2019

If 7% of the US is gay, simplistically that would mean 7% of men and 7% of women. Yes, half the initial 7% is gay female, but half the population is female, so it cancels out.

Or in graspable numbers:
1000 Americans
500 men
500 women
70 gay
35 gay men
35 gay women

35 gay women / 500 women = 7%

(Now whether the initial 7% is accurate is another matter.)

It's worth mentioning that any stats like that are based on people reporting themselves as such. Between closed folks and people not realizing that they're queer, it's probably a much larger percentage.

joined Aug 19, 2015

I forgot this was in my reading list so I'm late to the party. I just wanted to say that I came for the polyamory but started shipping Rin and Mayuki. I'm so sorry for being monogamous trash.

Well, I actually like Akira as a conflicted character so here's looking forward to the right triangle!

last edited at Nov 14, 2020 4:41AM

joined Jul 26, 2016

If 7% of the US is gay, simplistically that would mean 7% of men and 7% of women. Yes, half the initial 7% is gay female, but half the population is female, so it cancels out.

Or in graspable numbers:
1000 Americans
500 men
500 women
70 gay
35 gay men
35 gay women

35 gay women / 500 women = 7%

(Now whether the initial 7% is accurate is another matter.)

It's worth mentioning that any stats like that are based on people reporting themselves as such. Between closed folks and people not realizing that they're queer, it's probably a much larger percentage.

Caveats apply.

joined Sep 6, 2018

I really like this setup where the youngest of the three is kind of like the pillar, or the driver of their dynamic. We don’t get to see that a lot, especially when there’s a Senpai character, and it’s a cool underexplored dynamic to have in yuri.

last edited at Nov 14, 2020 11:13PM

joined Apr 6, 2019

Rin is some kind of angel.

1318
joined Jul 20, 2011

I suppose the best end result scenario would be if they ended up evolving from their current type 2 love triangle a->b->c->a to some form of type 8 a<->b<->c<->a and ultimately engage in polyamory making everyone happy.

White%20rose%20index
joined Aug 16, 2018

Rin is some kind of angel.

The body language says it without a doubt. d(´∀`)b

New%20dynasty%20reader%20profile
joined Oct 22, 2018

I suppose the best end result scenario would be if they ended up evolving from their current type 2 love triangle a->b->c->a to some form of type 8 a<->b<->c<->a and ultimately engage in polyamory making everyone happy.

The different types of triangrelations is something worth educating oneself on.

joined Apr 6, 2019

Rin is some kind of angel.

The body language says it without a doubt. d(´∀`)b

Pfft haha it's her signature pose all right! XD

Minami
joined Jun 25, 2019

Rin is some kind of angel.

The body language says it without a doubt. d(´∀`)b

Pfft haha it's her signature pose all right! XD

Prefer the real angel

Tumblr_lhn2y5j5rz1qbc0x9
joined Jul 26, 2013

Rin is my favorite character lol I relate to her the most hehe

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