I recently followed this author on twitter and she posted a preview of like chapter 42 the other day and it's still all I can think about. Why did I read it???? I skipped 20 chapters and caught a glimpse of the future, and now my reading experience is cursed by this sword of Damocles...

Anyway, sure seems Saeko's got some baggage, huh. I hope she learns to confide in Miwa if nothing else.

Really want you to spoil it for me omg

This is all working out wonderfully

last edited at Aug 13, 2020 11:40PM

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I recently followed this author on twitter and she posted a preview of like chapter 42 the other day and it's still all I can think about. Why did I read it???? I skipped 20 chapters and caught a glimpse of the future, and now my reading experience is cursed by this sword of Damocles...

Anyway, sure seems Saeko's got some baggage, huh. I hope she learns to confide in Miwa if nothing else.

Really want you to spoil it for me omg

I can't tell if this is sarcastic or not, but...This is her twitter, venture in at your own risk. Apparently the new chapter just came out today:

https://twitter.com/_tmfly_

last edited at Aug 13, 2020 11:50PM

This... just takes realism to a new level.

There are very, very few manga where sex with a loved one is not shown as pure fluffy bliss. And the problems, the mistakes and the clumsiness don't become all part of the happy fun.

This story breaks molds.

Especially this page, it's gold.

last edited at Aug 14, 2020 2:10AM

hard oooooof. too real.

Welp, they've got a month. Saeko should have that random coworker divine their future. BTW, were Miwa and Saeko's surnames ever previously mentioned?

This might be my favorite chapter so far. The shame Saeko feels in trying to be vulnerable is terribly relatable. Especially the separate-self thing. If they break up, I hope they come out better equipped to communicate with their future partners, and not just more emotionally scarred.

If Miwa discovers that her former senpai likes girls and/or is dating someone, I can imagine that would spark some regret, though I'm pretty sure she wouldn't cheat. But, if Saeko ends up freaking out about the event, she could end up losing Miwa's trust.

This fucking hurt to read

This manga is basically NTR.

This manga is basically NTR.

If you count being cucked by your own insecurities and realistic personality issues as NTR, then yeah
But either way they can't run away with your partner, just fuck them in a metaphorical manner

So, yeah, I guess it is?

This manga is basically NTR.

If you count being cucked by your own insecurities and realistic personality issues as NTR, then yeah
But either way they can't run away with your partner, just fuck them in a metaphorical manner

So, yeah, I guess it is?

With a response like that, I'm sure there's only one person in this conversation with real world insecurities.

Good luck with whatever it is you're suffering from.

last edited at Aug 14, 2020 5:08AM

It's interesting to see how the author reintegrated the "miwa is bad at topping" bit from the original.

man this is getting so hard to read, in a good way.

That sure was a surprisingly exact very specific definition of Saeko's look. :D

I don't understand what y'all get out of grasping at the latest clues in every chapter for why this is still the same continuity as the one shot. It gives me a feeling similar to watching a friend pick at a scab

Bakarina Syndrome runs strong in this thread.

This manga is basically NTR.

This comment is basically gibberish.

I don't understand what y'all get out of grasping at the latest clues in every chapter for why this is still the same continuity as the one shot. It gives me a feeling similar to watching a friend pick at a scab

It's not the same continuity, but it's the same concept played out over a long series. These two don't have any chemistry, lack any understanding or common ground, have opposing views on what being in a relationship means, and the whole story is based on them getting together on a whim (imagine a relationship starts in Borat when he uses the line "you like sex? I like sex. Very nice!"). Sure, they have their own hangups, but that isn't what makes them a bad match, so when they overcome them it isn't going to help the relationship. Heck, when they grow or improve, it's in spite of the relationship, like Miwa thinking it's her own fault that people are assholes because Saeko lashed out at her at the festival so she tries to get better at dealing with people.

There's a chance they'll overcome being fundamentally incompatible, but I think we're supposed to root for the breakup and their next relationships

I'm literally just reading it 'cause i have hope they'll finally realize they don't match each other and break up.
Until there, i'm like : )

last edited at Aug 14, 2020 9:19AM

A lot of the responses Saeko shows make me concerned, they scarily line up with family abuse survivors.

Spoiler ahead Apparently they will break up in 10 chapters or so but given what happen in the latest chapter, which is 10 chapters ahead of the break up, it's clearly not the same thing as the OS.

I was thinking how Saeko have some hidden inner woman within herself, but I'm not sure about it anymore.

Now I think she is the slightest form of trans man. A straight trans man, exclusive top, who is somehow comfortable with female body, until sexually using that body in a way who Saeko isn't.

In that case, Saeko is not transsexual, but some transgender issues here are obvious. Tomboys belong to lesbian spectrum observing through sexuality and assigned sex at birth, but to transgender spectrum as well, observing identity expression through boyish look. Like both in same time.
I would be glad to hear other opinions about it, without drama and judgment to my personal point of view.

Saeko is watching herself from above "with cold eyes", it's definitely a split of personality in a moment. Her identity is "watching" her sexuality, expressed in a "wrong" way (being bottom is just unnatural for Saeko, she can't identify with it, she does not have anything to give through it, it simply is not a part of her inner being and it can't be forced).

This is my impression in current situation, how I perceive it for now.

I was thinking how Saeko have some hidden inner woman within herself, but I'm not sure about it anymore.

Now I think she is the slightest form of trans man. A straight trans man, exclusive top, who is somehow comfortable with female body, until sexually using that body in a way who Saeko isn't.

In that case, Saeko is not transsexual, but some transgender issues here are obvious. Tomboys belong to lesbian spectrum observing through sexuality and assigned sex at birth, but to transgender spectrum as well, observing identity expression through boyish look. Like both in same time.
I would be glad to hear other opinions about it, without drama and judgment to my personal point of view.

Saeko is watching herself from above "with cold eyes", it's definitely a split of personality in a moment. Her identity is "watching" her sexuality, expressed in a "wrong" way (being bottom is just unnatural for Saeko, she can't identify with it, she does not have anything to give through it, it simply is not a part of her inner being and it can't be forced).

This is my impression in current situation, how I perceive it for now.

This is interesting, and it would be cool if a manga like this explored that, but I don't think it's what's going on. It's been made pretty clear that Saeko's issue is with PLEASURE. It's shown that she's fine being touched until it starts to feel good, at which point she locks into a panic mode of cursing at herself in her head. As a teenager, she didn't seem upset getting penetrated by a guy, except it confirming how gay she is.

She doesn't think she deserves pleasure for some reason we haven't fully explored yet. Whether that's the central part, or if it's the fear of looking vulnerable, it's not clear.

I was thinking how Saeko have some hidden inner woman within herself, but I'm not sure about it anymore.

Now I think she is the slightest form of trans man. A straight trans man, exclusive top, who is somehow comfortable with female body, until sexually using that body in a way who Saeko isn't.

In that case, Saeko is not transsexual, but some transgender issues here are obvious. Tomboys belong to lesbian spectrum observing through sexuality and assigned sex at birth, but to transgender spectrum as well, observing identity expression through boyish look. Like both in same time.
I would be glad to hear other opinions about it, without drama and judgment to my personal point of view.

Saeko is watching herself from above "with cold eyes", it's definitely a split of personality in a moment. Her identity is "watching" her sexuality, expressed in a "wrong" way (being bottom is just unnatural for Saeko, she can't identify with it, she does not have anything to give through it, it simply is not a part of her inner being and it can't be forced).

This is my impression in current situation, how I perceive it for now.

I grew up as a lesbian tomboy and now consider myself nonbinary, so I can definitely see where you’re coming from, but personally I don’t peg Saeko as trans.

That watching herself from above thing seems like dissociation, which is often but not always a trauma response. If I were to armchair diagnose her, I’d say she’s probably got cptsd from whatever happened in middle school.

It’s true that lots of trans people report feelings of dissociation before transition, which makes sense. It’s a pretty traumatic thing to live as the wrong gender. But I would hesitate to say this is Saeko’s case. She doesn’t seem to have dysphoria (not that dysphoria is always necessary to be trans), and right now I’m not I’m not convinced that she’s secretly uncomfortable as a woman. I think she just happens to fall on the more butch end of the lesbian gender expression spectrum. When she does things like keep her hair long instead of cutting it short (which she might like better), I get the feeling she does that to better pass as straight, not convince herself that she’s actually fine with femininity and being a woman.

(And that hair thing actually works, at least in my case. Ever since I grew my hair out people have treated me a lot more nicely, and I think it’s because they can’t as easily peg me as the gay gender deviant that I am. They don’t waste time giving me the “what even are you” stare or fumbling with pronouns as often as they used to.)

But I don’t really know, that’s just what I think right now.

I can relate to what Saeko is going through. Been really enjoying this perspective, & this manga.

Damn Saeko has some problems.. hope Miwa can help her :(
That aside, this manga has really taken an interesting turn huh. Not what I was expecting at all in the beginning.

Thank you karp and firelizard for sharing your opinions, I enjoyed very much reading it and giving a thought.

For me it was interesting to think about border lines between sexuality and identity, and I'm finding this case with Saeko as very good example which shows how blurry the borders are when we are ending one spectrum entering the other.

This is the reason why I'm perceiving Saeko as a border case, she has an unclear mixture in herself about sexuality and gender identity expressions. Comfortable with female body, but unable to express her femininity through it. She can't receive her pleasure on that way.

So, we are questioning now, why? Some think it's trauma, some think is insecurity, some think it's self-hatred, etc. Always some issues.
And from manga we see how Saeko is very uncomfortable to lie. She feels how she feels, and in certain situation, as a bottom, she feels like betraying herself lying to be who she is not.
She is lying herself, she is lying Miwa,... and she cries.

Top and bottom are just assumed gender roles of male and female, but reality proves it's not connected to physical parts of a person. It's a question of identity, an abstract category and question of soul and consciousness. How we express ourselves sexually, or identify, it's about our mind and soul.
I observe it through transgender spectrum from that reason (like "metatrans" situation, a lesbian sexuality "transitioned" into form of attraction to females, even if females are usually attracted to males).
I think many people are living on the border, having a blurry line and some mixture of man-woman, expressing it through sexuality, or identity.
Transition would be just taking actions to correct the body if it goes in deeper level, but it's entering a transsexual spectrum...

Why Saeko must have any issue to feel how she feels?
I don't see any illness when someone is uncomfortable to express a certain gender role through sexuality, like Saeko. It's a common thing if we observe straight couples.
Maybe it's not a problem with her, but with environment, or expectations of environment?

last edited at Aug 14, 2020 3:37PM