Rehashed, sorry for the impromptu QC, but you might want to review the usage of pronouns as subjects vs as objects. It was a bit egregious this time around (basically just don't use "me" or "him" at the start of a sentence or "I" or "she" at the end)

Done.

Tsuzuki: another one added to the polycule

Well i'm glad I gave chapter 2 a shot. That comment section though jee

My earlier comments regarding how much I'd love it if Tsuzuki was an awful woman because I love awful women aside, this development subverting those expectations is positively delicious. It's exquisite. I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen next and that's exciting.

That said, I do wish we could add a new tag, at least to chapter one. Like a "Cheating?" tag, because on the surface that's the impression I feel like we're supposed to get. I feel like changing the tag to polyamory right away takes out some of the surprise regarding the development.

last edited at Mar 25, 2022 8:06PM

So far, it's meh. Really.

Don't write it like that cause you will get haunted by Akiyama Haru fanboys.
Honesly they give this author too much credit while in reality it's nothing special.
I'm not really interested in guys take in this story cause why should be?
I don't read yuri works to get male viewpoint presented in them, so maybe if people want it here means it's not a yuri work after all?
Cuse yuri works should be only presentd from female viewpoint in my opinion.
Akiyama Haru is just another author who can't create a proper adult story without making females the awful beings in it, nothing new it's rare to find adult yuri story where females aren't fuckin guys on the side and where authors truly try to present adult lesbian life in Japan than just checking off their own personal fetishes with it like it seems to be happening with the absurd poly stuff in this work.
The absurd drama Yukino cheating did in Octave story where she thought that her gf wanted her to cheat reasoning given and we get another retarded thing here which has zero chance of happening in real life either way.

My earlier comments regarding how much I'd love it if Tsuzuki was an awful woman because I love awful women aside, this development subverting those expectations is positively delicious. It's exquisite. I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen next and that's exciting.

That said, I do wish we could add a new tag, at least to chapter one. Like a "Cheating?" tag, because on the surface that's the impression I feel like we're supposed to get. I feel like changing the tag to polyamory right away takes out some of the surprise regarding the development.

The thing is while some people prefer to avoid the "Cheating" tag, some others, like me, really love going into that tag. So tagging the first chapter as such would be misleading to some.

All of this het is giving me a tummy ache.

My earlier comments regarding how much I'd love it if Tsuzuki was an awful woman because I love awful women aside, this development subverting those expectations is positively delicious. It's exquisite. I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen next and that's exciting.

That said, I do wish we could add a new tag, at least to chapter one. Like a "Cheating?" tag, because on the surface that's the impression I feel like we're supposed to get. I feel like changing the tag to polyamory right away takes out some of the surprise regarding the development.

The thing is while some people prefer to avoid the "Cheating" tag, some others, like me, really love going into that tag. So tagging the first chapter as such would be misleading to some.

It's a tough choice to make. The way the first chapter is laid out, it's supposed to be misleading. Which is fantastic. It's a shame it's hard to get the idea across with tags, though.

Okay with this chapter 3 all my initial apprehension about FL2's shiftiness has evaporated as of this moment. I'm totally on board with this cute triad they got going on.
I'm sure it's only gonna get messier from here on out but that's a strong start~

Y'know what, I'll bite.

Don't write it like that cause you will get haunted by Akiyama Haru fanboys.
Honesly they give this author too much credit while in reality it's nothing special.

Then why are you still here?

I'm not really interested in guys take in this story cause why should be?
I don't read yuri works to get male viewpoint presented in them, so maybe if people want it here means it's not a yuri work after all?
Cuse yuri works should be only presentd from female viewpoint in my opinion.

What an ignorant opinion. However, you might have better luck finding stories you enjoy with the tag "404: Men Not Found"

Akiyama Haru is just another author who can't create a proper adult story without making females the awful beings in it, nothing new it's rare to find adult yuri story where females aren't fuckin guys on the side and where authors truly try to present adult lesbian life in Japan than just checking off their own personal fetishes with it like it seems to be happening with the absurd poly stuff in this work.

There are three things here. Four if you count how weird I find it when guys say "FEMALES" instead of something that someone better adjusted would say, like "women" or something.

First, there are plenty of adult life yuri stories that don't involve cheating or polyamory. You'll find that the ones involving either of those are actually a rather small minority.

Second, what's even the point of being an author if you don't get to write about what you want to write about? If you don't get to indulge in your own desires and fetishes? A good author writes first and foremost for themselves, if the audience likes what they write that's a bonus.

Third and last, not every story has to be a realistic story about things that happen in the real world, sometimes it's great to let fiction be fiction.

The absurd drama Yukino cheating did in Octave story where she thought that her gf wanted her to cheat reasoning given and we get another retarded thing here which has zero chance of happening in real life either way.

You might need to expand your world view. This isn't asking for pigs to fly or anything, this is a situation that's entirely within the realm of realistic possibility. Just because it doesn't or won't happen to you doesn't mean it has "zero chance of happening in real life either way."

There are three things here. Four if you count how weird I find it when guys say "FEMALES" instead of something that someone better adjusted would say, like "women" or something.

I second this. Please just say women. FEMALES makes me feel like you're a Ferengi checkin' me out. No one wants that. Unless you're Quark, then maybe

Anyway, as someone is actually polyamorous, I'm interested in how this goes.

If I were to write a polyam story I prolly would do my damndest to not really... conflate cheating and polyamory in any way, because god knows people do that enough. People are prolly doing that earlier in this darn comments section, I dunno I haven't read past this page. I mean, it's a good conversation to have. There's a lot of people who cheat and claim to be polyam in order to try and weasel out of it, which is NOT polyam, and conversations on how shitty that is is good, but most works kinda stop at explaining how that's bad for polyam people lol. Though I'm glad that's not how this is going, the couples here seem good.

.....I am actually VERY nervous about how the bride planner's fiance is gonna turn out in all this though. I don't really expect him to take his wife potentially joining this polycule very well.

Perfect materials for prime time soap.

If I were to write a polyam story I prolly would do my damndest to not really... conflate cheating and polyamory in any way, because god knows people do that enough. People are prolly doing that earlier in this darn comments section, I dunno I haven't read past this page. I mean, it's a good conversation to have. There's a lot of people who cheat and claim to be polyam in order to try and weasel out of it, which is NOT polyam, and conversations on how shitty that is is good, but most works kinda stop at explaining how that's bad for polyam people lol. Though I'm glad that's not how this is going, the couples here seem good.

.....I am actually VERY nervous about how the bride planner's fiance is gonna turn out in all this though. I don't really expect him to take his wife potentially joining this polycule very well.

Honestly, by the first chapter and most of the second, I think that conflation people make was part of the point, which makes the end of chapter 2 and this chapter interesting because it feels like they might be working to deal with said association. I've got my fingers crossed for good, however... I'm just as interested in drama because of something bad happening too. It's a curse, really.

I think that's going to be the major point of contention here. How is her fiance going to react? Is she going to tell him? Is she going to act on a feeling?

I'm still wondering about how she really feels about her fiance in general, since the first chapter does harp on the idea that she might not be as interested in their marriage as one might expect.

There are three things here. Four if you count how weird I find it when guys say "FEMALES" instead of something that someone better adjusted would say, like "women" or something.

I second this. Please just say women. FEMALES makes me feel like you're a Ferengi checkin' me out. No one wants that. Unless you're Quark, then maybe

Anyway, as someone is actually polyamorous, I'm interested in how this goes.

If I were to write a polyam story I prolly would do my damndest to not really... conflate cheating and polyamory in any way, because god knows people do that enough. People are prolly doing that earlier in this darn comments section, I dunno I haven't read past this page. I mean, it's a good conversation to have. There's a lot of people who cheat and claim to be polyam in order to try and weasel out of it, which is NOT polyam, and conversations on how shitty that is is good, but most works kinda stop at explaining how that's bad for polyam people lol. Though I'm glad that's not how this is going, the couples here seem good.

.....I am actually VERY nervous about how the bride planner's fiance is gonna turn out in all this though. I don't really expect him to take his wife potentially joining this polycule very well.

100% all of this

I'm still wondering about how she really feels about her fiance in general, since the first chapter does harp on the idea that she might not be as interested in their marriage as one might expect.

To be fair, the other girl ALSO does not seem as interested in their marriage as one might expect, and I do believe she loves her fiance quite a lot. Maybe they'll find they're both just similar in that way? Or maybe it'll be some thing about commitment, who knows.

I'm not really interested in guys take in this story cause why should be?
I don't read yuri works to get male viewpoint presented in them, so maybe if people want it here means it's not a yuri work after all?
Cuse yuri works should be only presentd from female viewpoint in my opinion.

What an ignorant opinion. However, you might have better luck finding stories you enjoy with the tag "404: Men Not Found"

I guess I share the ignorant opinion because I think the only roles men should play, in a yuri, is the abusive boyfriend/husband The MC's escape from, the losing romantic rival, or the comic relief. I would like to see more men in supportive friend roles but (sigh) they are rare.
Unfortunately this story also has a het tag so the guys have just has much right to share the narrative as the women.

last edited at Mar 25, 2022 10:34PM

To be fair, the other girl ALSO does not seem as interested in their marriage as one might expect, and I do believe she loves her fiance quite a lot.

HOL' UP! This sentence just made me realize why she's getting married. She's getting married to feed into Fukunaga's jealousy thing. Maybe Hiroki really does want the marriage, but I'm expecting this to be a planned thing from the two to benefit the other.

I like it, looking forward for the next chapter

last edited at Mar 26, 2022 2:29AM

I'm not really interested in guys take in this story cause why should be?
I don't read yuri works to get male viewpoint presented in them, so maybe if people want it here means it's not a yuri work after all?
Cuse yuri works should be only presentd from female viewpoint in my opinion.

What an ignorant opinion. However, you might have better luck finding stories you enjoy with the tag "404: Men Not Found"

I guess I share the ignorant opinion because I think the only roles men should play, in a yuri, is the abusive boyfriend/husband The MC's escape from, the losing romantic rival, or the comic relief.

Yeah bro rigid narrative pigeonholing is pretty cringe t b h ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Whoaaaaaa.
Turns out everyone was wrong, everyone. No cheating, no lying, no polyamory, no nothing. Just a couple who doesn't understand jealousy and a guy with a diehard NTR fetish who gets his kicks from knowing that other men fuck the woman he loves when he isn't looking. He's so extreme he even gets crazy turned on because his lover is gonna marry the other dude.
I still can't figure out how Kashiwai will wriggle her way into this bizarre triangular confluence of love/hate emotions. Especially since one of the people involved is her goddamn boss.

last edited at Mar 26, 2022 3:14AM

Karretch posted:

To be fair, the other girl ALSO does not seem as interested in their marriage as one might expect, and I do believe she loves her fiance quite a lot.

HOL' UP! This sentence just made me realize why she's getting married. She's getting married to feed into Fukunaga's jealousy thing. Maybe Hiroki really does want the marriage, but I'm expecting this to be a planned thing from the two to benefit the other.

It's not "getting married" actually. The point here is having the ceremony.

Marrying in Japan is as simple as handing a filled in form to the town hall, like we see in various anime. No ceremony is mandatory.

Here, it seems like Hiroki insisted on a ceremony (he looks the most enthusiastic about it) and she didn't decline, out of love for him, but she's not that interested.

But her experience with Kashiwai seems to trigger something in her.

I think that actually, while Tsuzuki loves her boyfriends in some way, it's not a high intensity love. She loves them like she would love her pets. Her lack of "possessiveness" can only lead to a lack of deep attachment here (not talking in general). And in the same way, the love of her boyfriends for her, while real, is a selfish form of love. Fukunaga feeds his fetish with it and Hiroki looks like some kind of airhead who doesn't mind to share, but might as well have other girlfriends, who knows.

What Tsuzuki and Kashiwai lack is a total, mad and unconditional love that will spiral out of control and will make them feel alive. And it might just be what they will get. With a lot of drama, I'm sure.

So far, it's meh. Really.

Don't write it like that cause you will get haunted by Akiyama Haru fanboys.
Honesly they give this author too much credit while in reality it's nothing special.
I'm not really interested in guys take in this story cause why should be?
I don't read yuri works to get male viewpoint presented in them, so maybe if people want it here means it's not a yuri work after all?
Cuse yuri works should be only presentd from female viewpoint in my opinion.
Akiyama Haru is just another author who can't create a proper adult story without making females the awful beings in it, nothing new it's rare to find adult yuri story where females aren't fuckin guys on the side and where authors truly try to present adult lesbian life in Japan than just checking off their own personal fetishes with it like it seems to be happening with the absurd poly stuff in this work.
The absurd drama Yukino cheating did in Octave story where she thought that her gf wanted her to cheat reasoning given and we get another retarded thing here which has zero chance of happening in real life either way.

What are you even saying at this point? That poly relationships don't exist in real life? That all yuri works should only involve females?

I have four things to say here:
First. Females? Seriously...? I thought (hoped?) that the only people who used that were misogynistic jerks who call themselves "alpha males".

Second. Where did we even get the supposed "male viewpoint" you're talking about? All three chapters so far have been presented from the women's side.

Third. Neither of these women are "fuckin guys on the side". They are in actual relationships with men. So if any cheating happens, it will actually be with a woman.

Fourth. If your problem is the mere existence of male characters in a yuri work, because that doesn't represent "adult lesbian life in Japan", do remind yourself that bisexual and poly people exist, so it's not even a given that the author wants to depict lesbian life.

last edited at Mar 26, 2022 5:32AM

I hate this author with a passion.

I hate this author with a passion.

I hate you with a passion bitch, 1v1 me irl

I hate this author with a passion.

I hate you with a passion bitch, 1v1 me irl

inb4 Navy SEAL Copypasta