Asexuals and/or aromantic people sometimes get into whats called a queer platonic relationship, or qtp for short. It's somewhat between a friendship and a romantic relationship where sex or kissing doesn't neccisarliy have to happen, though It varies from individual to individual.
Pretty sure this is where the story is leaning towards.
That... Sounds like BF to me... Call me stubborn or something along the lines but im putting my brain to work to find the place where that qpr could exist while being different and a more than a BF relationship and less than a romantic relationship and i cant find it, else the deciding factor could be the sexual aspect but... I still dont understand how that works and im reaaaallly trying
(TL;DR for the below, it's a term that exists because it can be used to describe relationships that don't usually get given much of society's brain-space.)
This is basically the way I expect most people to react to the idea so don't worry about it too much if it just doesn't ever make sense. It might just be something that's impossible to grasp if it's not something you intuitively understand.
I can't guarantee I'll do a good job explaining, but I'll do my best. I'm kind of a baby ace, I was only able to put a name to the feeling in the last year or two, so I'm probably not qualified to speak for ace or aro people in general. But asexuality can be very different for different people anyways so you probably shouldn't take any one person's word as gospel regardless of who they are.
First, think of "queer-platonic relationship" as more of a catch-all term. It exists more or less because there's no easy word to describe the idea right now. So, you know, you just make one up, right?
At its core, it just refers to any relationship that defies societal norms for "friendship" and "romance". Often this means that it lies somewhere between the two.
In other words, "friendship" is often seen as shallower than a romantic relationship, right? And it's where the majority of your relationships hit their cap. And then romantic relationships are usually seen as a sort of "highest possible level", and also thought to be pretty much inseparable from the element of sexual attraction.
So, people start as friends, then you might find yourself having increasing affections, and then that builds towards a romantic relationship. That's the assumption.
Now, in a way a QPR actually is like "best friends". It refers to a deeper connection than what people normally expect of friends. Say you go out for a night on the town with your friends, then go your separate ways at the end. You might stick around after the other people leave to hang out with that friend you're closest to for a little bit longer, right?
And then, you go your separate ways with that friend.
But what about if you don't go your separate ways then? What if you walk them home to chat a bit more on the way, because their house isn't too far from yours, even though it's in the opposite direction? What does that make the two of you? Good friends? Best friends? Something more?
What if you walk them home, but not just to chat. What if it's because you want to make sure they get home safe? Not because you're head over heels in love with them, but because you care about them deeply, and you wouldn't want them to get hurt? Is that something deeper than walking them home because you wanted to chat a bit more? If so, what does that make you? Best friends? Best-est friends? The BEST of best friends?... Or is that a sign of romantic attraction?
What if you walk them home, then give them a hug before you go? Was that a friendly hug? A romantic embrace?
And what if you walk them home... because it's your home as well? What does living with them mean if you want to do it simply because you enjoy living with them? What does it mean if you kiss on the cheek? What does it mean if you hold hands while you walk?
You see what I'm doing here? Things get more personal, you become more emotionally-invested... but where is the line that determines when a friend that you love as a friend becomes a friend you want as your lover? There isn't really any way to refer to the space between "best friends" and "lovers". But what if your relationship, instead of maxing out at one or the other, maxes out somewhere in that space between?
Well, you can just call that a queer-platonic relationship if you want to. It's your choice.
That's the crux of it. It exists to describe something that had no real way to describe before, because it wasn't seen as either significant enough or common enough to be given a word of its own.
There was a manga linked earlier in the thread that was essentially just a depiction of a qpr. It was called Marriage as Friends. I thought it was pretty good, just don't take it as the only way a qpr can manifest itself.
So in summary:
- Catch-all term
- It's weird as hell to anyone who doesn't understand why anyone would want it.
- But that's fine. No big deal.
- Happy just living with someone and being around them? That means you're in love!... or does it?
- "And they were roommates!"
- "No, really, they're just roommates. They are very close though."
- Again, catch-all term. You use it to describe something that normally doesn't have a word to describe it. Which is probably why it's so difficult to understand, I guess.
I hope I didn't go on too long and that it made some sort of sense.
(also, AVEN wiki article for qpr's. I like the section on zucchini the most.)
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