That mother doesn't seem very smart. People will find the dumbest reasons to talk behind someone's back. As a working single mom she should know that.

This is so well done T_T

Intergenerational trauma for the win! Uh... I mean...

It's just really nice to see this author thinking so seriously about homophobia and where it comes from and how it gets perpetuated. Homophobic people have backgrounds and motivations and their own troubles, which doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does give clues for prevention of homophobia, reconciliation, and how to build a better future. Luxi's mom really needs help healing.

last edited at Mar 29, 2025 9:21PM

LETS GOOOOO STAIRS WIN AGAIN

i feel no sympathy for the mom idgaf what she went through theres no excuse to treat your daughter as your property

Discounting the generational trauma and the fact that Luxi's mom is actually homophobic, it's not simple to just "acccept" a gay daughter/son. You have people like Tongtong's mom but it's a minority. The reason is because you can't just detach yourself from your immediate family and relatives, and at the family gathering there will always have the old folks who say it's blasphemous to not have kid and how you fail to raise a proper kid (even though it's none of their business), and how your kid is shameful. The pressure is quite immense,

Vice versa, it's not easy for the gay kids to just remove themselves from homophobic parents. I mean unless you already have a good excuse because your parents already treat you like shit a lot of people just cave in to filial piety pressure. Those who actually stay away from the parents will suffer immense guilt.

Thus the need for Tongtong mom here to save Luxi mom from herself so that Luxi and her mom can reconcile.

last edited at Mar 29, 2025 10:06PM

Discounting the generational trauma and the fact that Luxi's mom is actually homophobic, it's not simple to just "acccept" a gay daughter/son. You have people like Tongtong's mom but it's a minority. The reason is because you can't just detach yourself from your immediate family and relatives, and at the family gathering there will always have the old folks who say it's blasphemous to not have kid and how you fail to raise a proper kid (even though it's none of their business), and how your kid is shameful. The pressure is quite immense,

Vice versa, it's not easy for the gay kids to just remove themselves from homophobic parents. I mean unless you already have a good excuse because your parents already treat you like shit a lot of people just cave in to filial piety pressure. Those who actually stay away from the parents will suffer immense guilt.

Thus the need for Tongtong mom here to save Luxi mom from herself so that Luxi and her mom can reconcile.

Yeah there's a lot of difficult complications, at the end of the day though she's gay and that's not going to change, so she needs her mom to be there for her. A supportive parent will at least help her deal with some of those difficulties that are to come.

"You're a parent who's much older than your child, and yet you still dress like the school bicycle"

God DAMN, I know she's going through it, but that is some HEAT.

"I can't let her be gay because people will be homophobic to her, and that would cause her suffering", is some logic that loops right back around to being homophobic and causes her daughter suffering by not accepting her. She should be someone that is supportive and there for her daughter no matter what, even if people are assholes to her daughter at least she'd be an important pillar of support...

Also I can't believe the mom died at the end of the chapter, RIP

My dad said the exact same thing to me when I came out as trans, or at least the same underlying reasoning. Though much wordier and more hurtful things lol. It's a shockingly common viewpoint for people who are fine with queer stuff on the surface but never really seriously consider anything about queer people.

I will never be over "the school bicycle."

Don't be silly, Tongtong's mom is going to dashingly save her from falling and we'll start the mom yuri arc.

Nu-huh, she clearly fell. She's probably hurt. She'll need someone to help her with groceries and such, but her relationship with her daughter is quite strained. Who could possibly fill that role of being very close to her for a few weeks ?!

Discounting the generational trauma and the fact that Luxi's mom is actually homophobic, it's not simple to just "acccept" a gay daughter/son. [Rest omitted]

Stop. You don't need, you should not search for excuses or explanations of people being intolerant and homophobic. That behavior hurts people, hasn't a lick of moral grounds, and is not, in any way, justified. I saw dozens of people doing the same thing in the comments of Do You Like Tomboys on Webtoons (although that story, not just its commenters, also embraced that "he's not evil, just thinking of other people's reactions, he's a good person" angle, unlike here where Luxi's mom is not given excuse, the story just shows her reaction as an homophobic one). I'm surprised how common this kind of "but they have a reason" reaction is.

If I punch someone gratuitously, are you going to analyze the circumstances, my motivations, and present to others an explanation of why, even though you don't agree with it, I have my own reasons to assault someone ? I hope not. No one should explain away violence, because there is no possible explanation that would be valid for it. That is true whether that violence is physical or otherwise.

Don't spend your efforts to find excuses or explanations for people being homophobic. Hold them accountable instead.

Explaining things is not the same as justifying them. Don't shut down trying to understand people.

Stop. You don't need, you should not search for excuses or explanations of people being intolerant and homophobic.
Don't spend your efforts to find excuses or explanations for people being homophobic. Hold them accountable instead.

Understanding why someone thinks the way they think is essential to know how to confront them. If the only thing you do is pointing to them and saying they are wrong, you will never change their way of thinking. Not even trying to understand them is just being as intolerant as they are. We should never be intolerant to anything other then intolerance itself.
I'm not saying you should accept their idea. I'm not saying you should agree with them. I'm not saying they are right.
Homophobia is wrong, really bad and must always be condemned, yes. There are many ways to do that, and all of them benefits of knowing how and why people end up thinking the way they think.

If I punch someone gratuitously, are you going to analyze the circumstances, my motivations, and present to others an explanation of why, even though you don't agree with it, I have my own reasons to assault someone ?

Violence is wrong, definitely. Problem is, how can we know why you punched? We don't know you, we don't know the person you punched. So we need to investigate, we need to understand why that happened. Knowing the circumstances and motivations we can properly judge the action and come up with a suitable punishment and education program so that it doesn't happen again.

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 1:58AM

"You're a parent who's much older than your child, and yet you still dress like the school bicycle"

God DAMN, I know she's going through it, but that is some HEAT.

I love that Ms Tong just makes a mental ANGRY note on the slut shaming, but then totally loses her shit as soon as Ms Lu talks shit about her daughter

One counter-argument that Tongtong's mom could have brought to being shown all the homophobic comments would be: Whose comments would be more important to Luxi: some rando's on the internet or her own mother's? If her own mother supported her, would she even care about who else says what about her? With that in mind, what is the best way for Luxi's mom to protect her?

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 4:54AM

Explaining things is not the same as justifying them. Don't shut down trying to understand people.

Understanding why someone thinks the way they think is essential to know how to confront them.

You two re-read their comment. It has no focus on understanding to confront. The comment is saying that accepting your son or daughter is gay is not easy. That you must accept and placate bigoted relatives to protect your relationship, even if that means throwing your child under the bus for them. That those people are under pressure.

This is the logic that says "yes, this person hurt you by being bigoted / violent / ..., but they've it hard to" and leaves queer children with no support and the feeling that they are the one out of place, they are the one being a burden of their parent and making their life miserable by being queer. It's disgusting.

I could write paragraphs of why bullies, nazis, fascists believe what they believe. But it that doesn't come with a clear condemnation and explanation of why I think explaining such beliefs is important, you would and should see it as support and despise me. If all you're doing is explaining someone's behavior in a "yes they're hurting people out of bigotry, but please understand" and you don't use that to prove a point of how to improve the lives of people who suffer from such behavior, you're supporting them.

Edit : Not saying this was the intention of the poster above but you've gotta be careful. Showing off you analytical skills by explaining and rationalizing such behavior is going to support the people doing it and put the victims of it in an uncomfortable position even if that wasn't your intention.

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 6:58AM

One counter-argument that Tongtong's mom could have brought to being shown all the homophobic comments would be: Whose comments would be more important to Luxi: some rando's on the internet or her own mother's? If her own mother supported her, would she even care about who else says what about her? With that in mind, what is the best way for Luxi's mom to protect her?

To be fair I don't think it would be sufficient. Luxi's mom pointed those comments as example but she's more scared of the people around her daughter (and herself) making the same comments, which isn't completely wrong.

But your point remains valid (her mother's own word would weight more), and in addition, people are less likely to be outright intolerant directly in front of someone than online (although it still happens). The most important argument, of course, remains that no amount of toxic comments, either online or among old crones, is going to make Luxi suddenly stop being gay and that her mother should encourage her to live her life as happily as she can, in spite of those people.

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 6:22AM

You two re-read their comment. It has no focus on understanding to confront. The comment is saying that accepting your son or daughter is gay is not easy. That you must accept and placate bigoted relatives to protect your relationship, even if that means throwing your child under the bus for them.

Nice job trying to insert words I didn't write, but whatever.

No reconciliation and understanding between homophobic parents and children ever work by screaming into the parents's face "You're bigoted and dumb". The reality in Asia still doesn't change is that having a gay kid is still a huge social burden the parents have to share with the child, and the actual convincing often involves teaching them how to deal with that kind of pressure and why they need to make that sacrifice because that's how you protect your child.

That you must accept and placate bigoted relatives to protect your relationship

It's easy to throw away a shitty noisy aunt or sibling, it's impossible to throw away your old parents nagging for grandchild who more often that not are where the main source of pressure coming from. It's a filial piety above all society. Putting your old parents and your kids and a scale and there is no shortage of people picking the first choice.

There is a reason every baihe story ends with "after enough talking and convincing my parents and relatives come to accept me and we reconcile" and not "I just disconnect from my shitty homophobic parents woohoo", the former is the ultimate wish fulfillment here. The desire to be able to connect with your blood is simply embedded in the culture and it's reflected everywhere.

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 7:38AM

having a gay kid is still a huge social burden the parents have to share with the child

If you think being gay is equal to being a burden, what are you even doing on this site ? Seriously, fuck off. Calling gay children a burden is literal homophobia and should not be accepted in a safe space such as here.

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 8:04AM

So solutions to endemic worldwide homophobia aside, how about those moms getting together, huh? Sounds like fun.

So solutions to endemic worldwide homophobia aside, how about those moms getting together, huh? Sounds like fun.

I was thinking the same, maybe it's my delulu but these two have potential

My dad said the exact same thing to me when I came out as trans, or at least the same underlying reasoning. Though much wordier and more hurtful things lol. It's a shockingly common viewpoint for people who are fine with queer stuff on the surface but never really seriously consider anything about queer people.

I remember reading, in a disability context, something like,

"Parents increasing conflate wanting 'the best for their child' with wanting 'the best child'."

This related to attitudes like not wanting to give birth to a disabled child or more generally wanting that 'their future child' to not be disabled. They form an idea of what their child is like or will be like and then hope for the optimal version, rather than staying open minded, seeing what their child is like, and then deciding how they can offer support within that reality.

With some other parents' child, they haven't spent years or decades building up this image what the child should be like, so it's much easier to say that however those children are is okay. Or at least, this is how I see it. This gets combined with people more harshly judging people who they see as 'like them' than those they see as outsiders, with many parents seeing their child as almost extension of themselves.

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 9:43AM

To me the mom is too focused on righting the wrong “wrong” in her own life through her child. In this case she thinks it was her missing out on education so she’s making sure her daughter doesn’t. Worse, she’s conflating education success in her mind to her connection to her daughter. Things are “good” between them when that is good and she doesn’t have the emotional tools to interpret things differently. The good results prove the love her eyes can’t see.

What she doesn’t realize is that the biggest loss in her life actually was missing out on real love and affection from everyone who should have given it to her freely from her parents to her good for nothing husband she didn’t pick. If she only had her education she wouldn’t have been stuck in that shrinking loveless world. Partially true, but she’s learned the wrong lesson from her life.

So when her kid, at the doorway to reaching the educational success she missed out on, finds romantic love it feels more like a threat to what she sees as their connection. And since she’s so fucked up about love she can’t feel it from her daughter outside of a very specific context that is trapping her daughter and creating this false line in the sand. She needs to love freely without all of the conditional baggage to really love her daughter right and be able to feel loved properly too. Maybe this knock to her head and brush with mortality will at least force her to let someone without bad motives care for her. Something she’s never had.

If you think being gay is equal to being a burden, what are you even doing on this site

You're choosing the most hostile possible interpretation of what might simply be non-optimal wording.

Being gay, in itself, is not a burden. Being gay in a homophobic society creates social problems for the parents as well as for the gay person. Okay?

It has no focus on understanding to confront.

We're talking about fictional characters. There is no person to actually confront.

The comment is saying that accepting your son or daughter is gay is not easy.

Which is observably true. It is in fact difficult for many people, for whatever reasons.

That you must accept and placate bigoted relatives to protect your relationship, even if that means throwing your child under the bus for them.

They did not, in fact, say that.

That those people are under pressure.

This part is obviously true.

you would and should see it as support

Not necessarily, no. Depends on context and tone.

last edited at Mar 30, 2025 1:19PM

My dad said the exact same thing to me when I came out as trans, or at least the same underlying reasoning. Though much wordier and more hurtful things lol. It's a shockingly common viewpoint for people who are fine with queer stuff on the surface but never really seriously consider anything about queer people.

Sorry to hear, that's not easy to deal with. I hope there are people in your life that love and support you for who you are, and that you're in a good or at least better place now.

I remember reading, in a disability context, something like,

"Parents increasing conflate wanting 'the best for their child' with wanting 'the best child'."

This related to attitudes like not wanting to give birth to a disabled child or more generally wanting that 'their future child' to not be disabled. They form an idea of what their child is like or will be like and then hope for the optimal version, rather than staying open minded, seeing what their child is like, and then deciding how they can offer support within that reality.

With some other parents' child, they haven't spent years or decades building up this image what the child should be like, so it's much easier to say that however those children are is okay. Or at least, this is how I see it. This gets combined with people more harshly judging people who they see as 'like them' than those they see as outsiders, with many parents seeing their child as almost extension of themselves.

I'm not the person you're responding to, though I want to say that parents having an idea on what the optimal version of their child is definitely hits home for me. Getting a bit personal for a second, my dad loves me in his own way, though he doesn't really understand or accept me for who I am, as I don't meet his expectations for who I should be according to his inflexible vision of what he thinks the optimal version of me is.