This chapter made me think of this panel from Anaerobic Love

Maekawa almost begged her: "Come in, into closet, now, and f-... uhm...- SAVE ME!"
Sometimes I wish Shimizu to be braver and act upon it. I would. In reality I'm attracted to women like Maekawa (and I think she is really hot, here, on the paper).
She must be slightly pushed to get out from her shell, and after coming out she will be fine. But it looks like pushing are circumstances of a trip, not Shimizu directly.

So why do people think Maekawa is in the closet? She has made it quite clear she isn't. Her hang ups have nothing to do with whether she is gay or not. That's Shimizu's issue not Maekawa's or rather it was her issue until she recently sorted out her feelings and came out to Maekawa after which Maekawa promptly offered to let Shimuzu get as physical as she likes with her.

If you are yourself in the closet and doubt if you are gay/bi then offering to be your gay friends first sexual experience after she comes out to you is simply not the sort of thing you would do.

Maekawa's hang ups are a result of deep emotional and mental issues. She is struggling not because she isn't sure if she is attracted to women or not but rather because she realizes how much Shimizu has come to mean to her and she is terrified of the destructive repercussions of falling in love with her.

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 3:44AM

Mistake spotted: this chapter is labeled as translated by "Akio Translations", which doesn't seem to be true :P

// edit: hey, someone corrected it.

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 2:20PM

This is perfect! I think this is actually a very big step forward again. Maekawa realizes that she WANTS shimizu and not only needs her. And it is confusing her a lot. If you need someone they can be replaced more easily then when you want someone. Maekawa is so afraid of everything. Can't wait for the next chapter! Shimizu's gonna tame that beast slowly.

So why do people think Maekawa is in the closet? She has made it quite clear she isn't. Her hang ups have nothing to do with whether she is gay or not. That's Shimizu's issue not Maekawa's or rather it was her issue until she recently sorted out her feelings and came out to Maekawa after which Maekawa promptly offered to let Shimuzu get as physical as she likes with her.

If you are yourself in the closet and doubt if you are gay/bi then offering to be your gay friends first sexual experience after she comes out to you is simply not the sort of thing you would do.

Maekawa's hang ups are a result of deep emotional and mental issues. She is struggling not because she isn't sure if she is attracted to women or not but rather because she realizes how much Shimizu has come to mean to her and she is terrified of the destructive repercussions of falling in love with her.

Yeah, I'm getting same vibes from her. That's why I am standing for- "Shimizu, give that woman good fuck, then try to talk about love!".
I think Shimizu as inexperienced lesbian is completely useless for Maekawa. Maekawa is constantly challenging her, but she always runs away without trying. And Maekawa needs stronger character, to initiate her for a movement (for coming out) from her shell, as I wrote, not coming out from the closet, to be precise this time.
In this phase, completely incompatible characters, attracted to each other, but having different needs for sex with each other.

Moments: Shimizu is standing behind Maekawa with her hands on the chair, not on her shoulders.
Shimizu wants to touch Maekawa, but her hand stays in the air, and she's leaving...
And probably many other moments, I can remember these two without looking up.

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 4:31AM

Maekawa's hang ups are a result of deep emotional and mental issues. She is struggling not because she isn't sure if she is attracted to women or not but rather because she realizes how much Shimizu has come to mean to her and she is terrified of the destructive repercussions of falling in love with her.

This, I agree with.

The way I see it, as far as Maekawa's personality is concerned as it unfolds in the story, it is her maniacally-guarded response to falling in love that messes Maekawa up and her tendency to give up on everything. I think it stems from the abandonment she experienced as a child.
She had a lover in the past (a guy) that presumably gave her the romance and the sex she needed and just selfishly dealt with it like it was just routine--nothing special. She was cold towards the relationship. Couple that with the experience of her former editor belittling her skills as a mangaka (for a very good reason tho). It really fucked her pride.

This chapter's intense man.

Maekawa wants to spare Shimizu the wrath of her devil side. But she's also desperate to keep her. How she's gonna make it out of this mess, hard to see.

Maekawa's pushing Shimizu away and pulling her back in, it's crazy. She's crazy. And Shimizu's a saint for keeping on trying to figure Maekawa out. It's no longer just a Manga thing between the two of them... It's manifestation of love. Both of them don't seem to want to give up on each other.

This manga hurt me emotionally and physically
Maekawa finally admits she likes Shimizu

I agree with the above of you that Maekawa has never shown any qualms over girl on girl love. However, it has taken several small details to find out that 1) she has never experienced this herself and 2) she never thought of herself in that way.
Going back to the beginning when she said that she had never come into touch with yuri (shame!!) You cannot be a gay 20-something y/o mangaka and never have been interested in yuri. Or never heard of it before, which is the case with Maekawa. On top of that, this is followed by her curiosity in Shimizu's sexuality, somehow she DID do research on Shimizu's love life as she was aware that she dated Kimoguchi (did I spell that right). This fact leaves her feeling extremely confused and with reason too, from the very beginning she assumed that Shimizu is gay. However, she never once questioned herself. She never once thought of :"but maybe she should be bi? Like myself?" No, the entire concept of bisexuality clearly does not exist in her dictionary. Maekawa has a very dark-white view of the world. It's either succeed or fail. Have a flawless relationship or break it all up in an instant. Be heterosexual or be gay. There is never an in-between for her. And even though she doesn't struggle with being maybe a but gay, what she DOES struggle with is that it is happening to HER, to her who supposedly did fall for guys before, had sex with them and did enjoy having sex with them .

TL;DR: Maekawa doesn't realize that she could be bi

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 5:03AM

Still hiding in the closet eh

9-second Closet scene response:
Link: https://youtu.be/eiFEvIMohVU

Question about last page of chapter 13:

Did she go to the office and say Shimizu-san outside the window? Or was she just saying it to herself in her house?

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 6:04AM

Going back to the beginning when she said that she had never come into touch with yuri (shame!!)

Well, in her own words, she was just messing with her in the beginning, so that was probably a lie (like the one about the flower convention), besides she clearly makes fun of the "be my first" trope afterwards (which resulted in the kiss), so it's safe to say she's at least vaguely aware of the genre (which is not surprising, being former mangaka and all).

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 6:04AM

This felt kinda BS-y.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9q5ndTuEKc
^ch13, in my head

And i really agree with Looking East's comment about Maekawa's situation.
(imo, sometime i can see Maekawa and Nanami Touko are feels alike, want to keep "the status quo" but need their own "drug" which make everything feels different, changing the situation, 'cause wanting it more and more till overdose)
^Sorry for my weird statement

Foot in mouth disease

I really enjoy how Shimizu is just used to it at this point, though the relationship isn't even remotely healthy.

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 7:27AM

Mmm i dunno how i feel about the series lately. Maekawa's push and pull passive aggressiveness is getting on my nerves. She's such a hard person to handle that I feel tired and bad for Shimizu for constantly being her emotional crutch.

Maekawa has a hard time to learn about herself & Shimizu has emotional intelligent of a rock. Result into lengthy angsty & ofc interesting sexual intension

It seems they just running in circle. No end. It’s tiring to read this repeating pull and push thing from Maekawa.

So why do people think Maekawa is in the closet? She has made it quite clear she isn't. Her hang ups have nothing to do with whether she is gay or not. That's Shimizu's issue not Maekawa's or rather it was her issue until she recently sorted out her feelings and came out to Maekawa after which Maekawa promptly offered to let Shimuzu get as physical as she likes with her.

If you are yourself in the closet and doubt if you are gay/bi then offering to be your gay friends first sexual experience after she comes out to you is simply not the sort of thing you would do.

Maekawa's hang ups are a result of deep emotional and mental issues. She is struggling not because she isn't sure if she is attracted to women or not but rather because she realizes how much Shimizu has come to mean to her and she is terrified of the destructive repercussions of falling in love with her.

So she's not in the closet about being gay, she's in the closet about being in love?

Well, there are all sorts of closets, after all.

Glad I waited to read all 13 chapters at once.

Can't imagine enduring the pain you people did reading this slow burn.

Loved it :)

I did the exact same thing. I read chapter 1 and 2 as it came out and I immediately knew I would love this so I waited for around 7 months to pick it up again. It was completely worth it

This chapter just made me really sad. But uh.. Maekawa, you still can fix things. Shimizu will forgive you for the plots sake. I love this development. God! This is tearing me apart and at the same time it's making me go all "Yay! More development!! The confession is near!". Gonna wait for more. Mmm.

So she's not in the closet about being gay, she's in the closet about being in love?

Well, there are all sorts of closets, after all.

I think she does not have troubles with gayness (including casual sex with Shimizu), but with emotional closeness with her she has troubles, or with a fear to become emotionally addicted to her. She chased her out, to prove she can draw by herself (because she was doing it for her father before, she did not want to repeat the pattern, and I supported her decision, even she was harsh telling Shimizu all those words from the panel- "hate you, despise you", etc.)

She is on the point of breaking, wanting and not wanting with same intensity. But she is aware some things she must do alone, without anyone's help.
Even if I would like Shimizu as more straight forward character, I admire her patience with Maekawa, tolerating her quirks and mood swinging caused by her inner fight.

Maekawa has troubles to find reasons in herself to do something what she loves, because she lacks any kind of love in herself, to find support from it (actually she can't articulate her emotions easily) . She was addicted to her father earlier (to draw for him), then she started to feel the same with Simizu. But she does not want an emotional addiction. She wants to reach healthy base for doing what she loves, without any connection with anyone else.
It's the hardest for her, but she is fighting.
Having romantic feelings for Shimizu and accepting it, it's not her priority until she finds strength in herself for loving her work and do it from herself, for her self first (and she made it, in this chapter).

In whole my setting maybe just I was wrong earlier, wishing to push Maekawa, but now I think Shimizu did well, leaving her to find her own way with "manga<-->father" issue.

last edited at Jul 31, 2019 3:09PM

Are... are we still supposed to be rooting for these two to get together? Because borderline seems like a pretty accurate diagnosis for Maekawa, and so I find it kinda hard wanting Shimizu to get with her. Kid needs a lot of therapy before she's gonna be a good girlfriend.