If I had to say something about this, I'd probably call it a story about being in love with a chronically depressed person? I feel like it all fits together, in that light. Her empty room, her unsociable nature, the way she was always tired and late to class even though she was never really busy, her cold refusal to connect with the people who care about her in spite of her private sentimentality and longing for contact, the aimlessness of drifting around in college with no meaningful intention of graduating, her vague decision to "travel", with no particular destination, even though she'd necessarily been saving up money for years to do so, her mysterious end in some far away place, where nobody knew who she was... Oh, come to think of it, in that last scene with Ai, she freely gives away the books she'd chosen to take with her, returning the lighter, uncharacteristically letting Ai see more of her feelings than probably anyone else has in years. It's actually quite normal behaviour, among people who have decided to commit suicide. As is everything we ever saw of her.
If it's like that, it's understandable why the entire story seemed so lacklustre and nonsensical for many people. The behaviour of depression is basically incomprehensible if you try to rationalise it in terms of how healthy people think, no wonder it makes no sense. It's alienating, but to a very specific kind of person, it feels deeply, chokingly familiar.
Man. Now I want a cigarette.
last edited at May 24, 2015 3:17PM
