I have to apologize for the terrible job I did editing and typesetting this chapter.
Like what was mentioned, the fault isn't all in the editing.
But if you want a few tips on the typesetting side of things, to make it an altogether better experience for the reader:
- Don't play with the font width (makes it harder to read, reduces the font quality), keep it to the normal ratio and be consistent with it;
- Be consistent with font size, don't change it every bubble just for the sake of filling up white space;
- Use different fonts for yells, SFX, titles, etc. (e.g. page 34).
Then again, the main issue I'm seeing here - and what has been mentioned by multiple people - is how horrendously verbose the translation is. One that caught me the most was page 31, second to last frame, third bubble, where you could have kept it to "She's off today, I'm the one on shift."
Try to make it less literal, get the meaning across while keeping it natural. You don't need to write a novel for each bubble.
last edited at Aug 31, 2020 11:12PM