Nez Note

Okay, enough squabbling about this matter. It's gone on entirely too long, and shall not continue past this point.

I've never been through depression, but I think the story is pretty easy to understand.
I mean, I don't see how I need to go through the same things just to know what's going on.

Also you guys should check out the author's Twitter. It can give you some kind of impression of what kind of person she ended up being.

The more I read, the less I really understand. I've never experienced anything like this in my life, but I can say that anyone who has has my deepest condolences. This is rather poignant for many, it seems, and I hope that people experiencing these troubles can gain some solace from knowing that they aren't alone in their battles.

This chapter actually resonated far more with me than the first one. Thankfully I've never had many/any issues with self-harm/disordered eating, but I've had anxiety issues and been depressed, and spent a lot of time stressing my mental and physical health to do what I thought was expected of me only to wonder "what now?" and why I wasn't happy once I'd achieved the things others wanted for me.

So now I just shitpost and play videogames and I'm really a lot happier.

I've never been through depression, but I think the story is pretty easy to understand.
I mean, I don't see how I need to go through the same things just to know what's going on.

Also you guys should check out the author's Twitter. It can give you some kind of impression of what kind of person she ended up being.

You don't need to go through the same thing before to understand. But you need to go through the same thing before to actually feel and sympathise with it. It's a matter of theory vs experiences

(Believe me this is one of the costly lesson that I paid with my own sweat and blood D: )

For example the walking straight with a full glass of water on top of you. Yeah, it's very easy to understand concept, but how scary and anxious and uncomfortable to feel like that? Only those who felt it once before can immediately recall

It's really hard for people to really comprehend what's going on in someone's mind when it's so different from the common experience. That's why I can't totally blame her parents, they didn't have access to her inner thoughts the way we do, and grew up in a culture that never really discussed this stuff. Even in the west, when I was growing up there wasn't talk about these issues, and few very personal stories like this one.

What a story like this really accomplishes, I think, is to really give a sense of how wide the human experience is, and maybe empathize more with people whose inner life doesn't match our own.

I really like this. Can't wait for the next part.

Maybe you should have stated it as a general comment, because you are directing this at me. And you yourself said it, you know nothing of me nor my family.

I don't need your lecturing, I am not ignorant to this topic.

You're right. I should have posted it as a general comment. My bad. Your comment was just the one that made me feel the need to bring it up, so I quoted it, but it wasn't really specifically meant just for you. I apologize.

last edited at Aug 29, 2016 7:30PM

Maybe you should have stated it as a general comment, because you are directing this at me. And you yourself said it, you know nothing of me nor my family.

I don't need your lecturing, I am not ignorant to this topic.

You're right. I should have posted it as a general comment. My bad. Your comment was just the one that made me feel the need to bring it up, so I quoted it, but it wasn't really specifically meant just for you. I apologize.

Now hug!

...then hold hands.

I've never been through depression, but I think the story is pretty easy to understand.
I mean, I don't see how I need to go through the same things just to know what's going on.

Also you guys should check out the author's Twitter. It can give you some kind of impression of what kind of person she ended up being.

You don't need to go through the same thing before to understand. But you need to go through the same thing before to actually feel and sympathise with it. It's a matter of theory vs experiences

(Believe me this is one of the costly lesson that I paid with my own sweat and blood D: )

For example the walking straight with a full glass of water on top of you. Yeah, it's very easy to understand concept, but how scary and anxious and uncomfortable to feel like that? Only those who felt it once before can immediately recall

Well yes, but I've been seeing alot of comments about people not being able to follow or understand the story, apparantely because they never experienced it. Or at least that's how it looks to me, that's what I find weird.

Meanwhile, Im here, while not sympathising, enjoying what I'm reading.

last edited at Aug 29, 2016 7:59PM

Man, this is gold, even for people that have not suffered depression like myself and obviously because of that, i can't completely feel the protag, it's still a very good story, hope the next chapter gets translated soon.

And chapter 2 is translated! Thank you, thank you! /Claps, claps, bows/
This autobiography is just - while, I already mentioned it in my previous post, I'm saying it again - a dime a page.
It's not something to enjoy in a pleasant way (knowing that this is an autobiography), but Nagata-sensei definitely gives her readers something to digest in each panel (assuming you fall under the target audience of this piece, because otherwise, you'll be like The fOck is this Crazy Bitch going on about?! In which case, I could only pray for you to get lost and enjoy your HAPPY life for the rest of your time).
While I can't tell sensei, "ah~ I understand your pain /pat, pat, hug!/," (because no one does it in reality), her battle cry is resonating with me (and a few million others out there), making me also want to break away from our inner shell.

Yuri or not, this just topped my favorite 2016 manga. And I have a feeling that it will stay that way for a long, long time.

Reading this is agony because every time I finish a chapter I IMMEDIATELY want more. God bless whoever translated this; you're my absolute favorite person right now.

A serious question:

Yes, we enjoy and feel a lot reading this. But do you think the manga medium (especially the cutesy chibi drawing style) was what have sent the story and its message across?

Because i have a feeling most of us will get bored out or feel disinterested if this same story was told through...say... an essay format. Or interview format. Most probably won't even read at all.

Can manga as a future medium to send one's own story across? Or as soon as it picks up some popularity (like ...now..) it will immediately saturate the market (and we end up rolling our eyes over "Oh God, another author publish their depressing life story again")

last edited at Aug 29, 2016 11:57PM

Huh the flavor I was expecting from the depressing as fuck tag was a totally different type than I was expecting.

A serious question:

Yes, we enjoy and feel a lot reading this. But do you think the manga medium (especially the cutesy chibi drawing style) was what have sent the story and its message across?

Because i have a feeling most of us will get bored out or feel disinterested if this same story was told through...say... an essay format. Or interview format. Most probably won't even read at all.

Can manga as a future medium to send one's own story across? Or as soon as it picks up some popularity (like ...now..) it will immediately saturate the market (and we end up rolling our eyes over "Oh God, another author publish their depressing life story again")

Just some thoughts.
No offense, but it didn't feel to me like a serious question. Differences in opinion, probs. Well... Anyway...

Nagata-sensei did prove her medium to be the the best out of countless testimonies so far. This is, however, leaning to the biased factor of its market value... probably (I don't live in Japan). It's novelty, so to speak, made itself known. (As in an essay type of manga, that is.) Not to mention that it was first published in the web, thus easy access to the notice of netizens. The ever curious netizens. The ever... netizens.
Anyways, there have been published non-illustrated essays out there that are just as engaging, if not more. My say is that people are more attracted to illustrated works for their more direct approach at conveying their message.

Now for your fear of this being a trend, I doubt it will be as viral as you imagine. First of all, it won't be easy to create a satisfying manga about depression. There might already be tons of similar mangas out there but never made it out as big as this one because:
1) They did not resonate with the people of its demographics
2) The lack of real-life feel
3) ...twitter and pixiv, maybe?
Now if many depressed individuals with talents such as Nagata-sensei courageously manage to break these, then I'd be glad if they found some help from within themselves by the end of it. (And then I'll be searching for good ones).
But, the again, I doubt it will be a trend. Maybe for a short while, when the evoked similar thoughts break their shells. But not something anyone with a brush can make, this type of feels.
If I'm proven utterly wrong some months from now, mm... Oh well! xD
Don't worry, though, it won't end the world that way. Trends pass.

Can manga as a future medium to send one's own story across? Or as soon as it picks up some popularity (like ...now..) it will immediately saturate the market (and we end up rolling our eyes over "Oh God, another author publish their depressing life story again")

Manga has done that for a long, long time now. Lots of examples of the concept out there going all the way back to stories like Barefoot Gen in the 70s, which drew on the author's experiences during the bombing of Hiroshima. But I doubt we're going to get overwhelmed by a flood of this stuff. By their nature, this sort of confession story is relatively uncommon, and what gets chosen out of that pile to be scanlated or commercially released will be smaller still. So I wouldn't be too concerned.

One reason a story like this really succeeds isn't that it tells their depressing life story, but takes time to explain the thought processes and how this stuff works from an inside view. If it weren't for that, I doubt this would have gotten the attention it did, and wouldn't have ended up on this site at all.

But do you think the manga medium (especially the cutesy chibi drawing style) was what have sent the story and its message across?

On top of what hiruyuririn and Nezchan said, I think the question should be not so much about the medium itself, as about the choice of medium by that particular author. From the autobiographical bits in the first two chapters, I gather that she has realized that drawing is her preferred mode of self-expression from early on (she took art classes in college) and then kept drawing even while she went through all the bad stuff. I therefore think that if she told her story in any other medium than manga, it would have never had this much impact. Another author could have have told their own similar story in a different medium better, but it would have been a different story with a different message.

As for the cutesy chibi-style, I think it is consciously or unconsciously used to invoke our sympathy for the protagonist by underlining her vulnerability in the face of the largely uncaring outside world. It may sound judging when put that way, but my judgement is actually that it does perfectly what it is supposed to do in this case.

last edited at Aug 30, 2016 12:19PM

I can relate to so much. She is awesome keep fighting!

I relate to this so much.. Except in a different order with different outcomes. Now I just hope it's translated and I can buy it. And that anyone who is currently like her, and the author herself, will be given appropriate reciprocation for their efforts and that the courage they have is adequate for the coming obstacles. And.. also that Japan will progress into a understanding and accepting society without losing the roots of their culture. Is this..? Too much in a comment.. And I need to finish this. I want to see her answer or at least know that she's feeling better.

Truly a fascinating read. I want to frame every page I turn to as a masterpiece of how to tell a story like this, in a frank, insightful, and self-commiserating way. However much she may not have understood herself at the time, this work clearly shows that looking back, she now certainly has a clear picture of what her own feelings and motivations were, and having that clarity later in life is a priceless resource to reflect upon and learn from.

Thank you very much Tetsu for your efforts on this title.

I kinda... don't care about whats going on in this manga.
Anyone knows whats ahead? Is there Yuri in this? if so from which chapter?

Chapter 4 is the most NSFW, as it covers "the incident" in some detail, but as should be obvious from the tone so far, it's not exactly written to be particularly erotic. I thought it was handled really well though. Probably the most upbeat description of the Japanese sex industry I've seen so far.

"But I was happy to be so broken."
I really didn't except this to hit the feels so hard.. This is going to be one heck of a ride.

That also really resonated. A big problem comes with that sort of relief though. When you feel like finally i'm so broken maybe somebody will notice, or care, or maybe I will get some sort of validation, and then it just never arrives, and you are just alone, broken and feel utterly helpless. Its those quiet moments, where you feel utterly alone that are the worst.

A serious question:

Yes, we enjoy and feel a lot reading this. But do you think the manga medium (especially the cutesy chibi drawing style) was what have sent the story and its message across?

Because i have a feeling most of us will get bored out or feel disinterested if this same story was told through...say... an essay format. Or interview format. Most probably won't even read at all.

Can manga as a future medium to send one's own story across? Or as soon as it picks up some popularity (like ...now..) it will immediately saturate the market (and we end up rolling our eyes over "Oh God, another author publish their depressing life story again")

Well, the main thing that carries such impact on the reader is the contrast between the story told and the actual moe art style.
I think if done right, it could definitelly be told via. a novel by, let's say telling the same story, but formating in a carefree, even comedic way. Same thing can be done with music.

Well, the contrast is definitelly what sold it for me. I'm pretty sure if the art style was as dark as the story, the first time I read "I had cuts and eating disorder" I would roll my eyes and go "Not this edgy shit again."

@ lelsorandam

Its those quiet moments, where you feel utterly alone that are the worst.

Let's start a club! How's that sound? Then we're not alone anymore ^^b

Club “broken beyond repair”