Give the raws a like.
Igarashi's comments on ch19
When someone close to you takes their own life, it's like suicide becomes an option you're aware of. Especially for those with fewer options like young people. That was always in my mind as I drew this chapter.
Drawing chapter 19 was suuuch a struggle. I couldn't get anywhere so I started drowning myself in drink just to get through. It was something pivotal to the story I'd need to touch on eventually but the sense of obligation that carried turned into a heavy pressure. And the backgrounds, the backgrounds were types I don't normally draw. Backgrounds are normally a treat for me but these were such a chore, ughhh. It shocked me how much my motivation depended on the backgrounds. Good to know. Despite it all I really wanted to get this story out there, so I'm glad it finished up fine.
I gave Kasumi's school a retro feeling since it suits the narrative better. But the actual reason is I'm a stubborn contrarian who hates drawing neat, orderly scenery. Scenery that doesn't allow any liberties is torture... Let me remodel them... But if I'd personalized this chapter's cram school, the readers might get caught on thinking Kasumi and Karin went to some strange cram school so I had no choice but to make it as generic as possible... The backgrounds... The backgrounds are too serious...
In 1993, Japanese author Tsurumi Wataru wrote "The Complete Manual of Suicide." It sold one million copies and is exactly what the title describes. In the postscript he notes, "To think that at the worst crucial moment, one can escape from the pain by committing suicide, one can live for the moment easier. So by distributing this book, I want to make this stifling society an easier place to live. That is the goal of this book. And I never intend to encourage readers to commit suicide." Tsurumi spent no time arguing in favor of suicide, however he questioned at many points "why one must live."
Suicide is a really, REALLY touchy subject. But it's one I linger on. A lot of the manga I've translated deal with themes of suicide and while I promise that's coincidence it's probably no coincidence I read things from like-minded authors. Suicide is of course a more prominent topic when dealing with Japanese culture. But Japan only comes 30th in suicide rates by nation. Not that it isn't an issue, but I think Japan's association with suicide is simply the result of a greater recognition of that issue. It's something the public addresses as a cultural failing rather than trying to ignore, though that cultural failing still goes uncorrected.
There is an infectious nature to suicide. Knowing someone who died by suicide is actually one of the highest risk factors in predicting another suicide. Paradoxically, there is an increase in suicide rates after stories of suicide, both fictional and nonfictional, reach mainstream audiences. In addressing the issue this contagion of suicide spreads.
As Tsurumi notes, suicide is an option. And simply recognizing that option can sometimes relieve pressure. Knowing that there is an eject button - one most should never seriously consider pressing. As Igarashi notes, the less options you have the more appealing that eject button becomes. That was Kasumi's situation. The full reveal of Kasumi's trauma is that Karin's death was the lesser part of it. It was how deeply Karin's words had joined her subconscious, how the unfocused thought of death felt so near and reasonable, and how Karin's death brought the horrific nature of it into unignorable clarity. Kasumi's own attempt came when her self-loathing and guilt were at their deepest.
And that door never really shuts again. Kasumi's spirit is still fractured, she's quick to bursts of emotion that always attack inward. Her "shackles" are still her constant companion eroding her self-worth. What brought her back from the edge was thoughts of her family. But you could argue Kasumi kept living out of obligation to them. She still hadn't come to terms with failing to enter her target school. She still feels like a failure whenever her grades slip. 3 years of preparation was a long time and to Kasumi it amounted to nothing. The road ahead was devoid of meaning.
So it's important to look back at Haruyo under this lens. How important it is to Kasumi that studying with Haruyo isn't an obligation. How Haruyo is the one bright distraction in her life and how easily she falls to pieces without her. How worried Kasumi is that Haruyo might come to know any of the pain she feels.
Despite everything this is ultimately a hopeful chapter. That with Haruyo near Kasumi's abyss is gone. But it's never gone completely. This is surely not the end of the drama. If Arisaku is anything it is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. And Haruyo won't be sheltered from that darkness forever. It's been a while since we had a chapter from Haruyo's perspective. It feels like everything happens behind her back. Maybe it's better it stays that way, though it probably won't. Haruyo doesn't fully understand how delicate Kasumi is. But I hope she comes to realize how much she means to Kasumi.
Take care of yourselves, people.
