luinthoron posted:
I feel that the reason she wanted to be defeated is less going back to normal and more that she simply saw this as the proper way for a magical girl story to end after all of the Tres Magia got their La Verita power ups.
Och, I mean, it's both. Of course she sees it as a proper way to end it, since she can't imagine magical girls not winning, but she also was blackmailed to do it and being defeated in her mind means being finally set free from her roll as the villain. Something she's not willing to admit, or more likely, isn't aware of is that her approach and goal changed through out the series.
At first she was thrilled to become a magical girl, cos she idolizes them so much. Idea of becoming their antagonist never even crossed her mind. But she instead was blackmailed to become a villain of the story and defeat the very magical girls she looks up to. So reluctantly at first she fought them not knowing what she's doing, but by doing so, she realized she possesses a sadistic side that wants her to see magical girls suffer, but her admiring side was still strong and believed that no matter what she does to magical girls, they'll never give up and win against her in the end.
As time passed, she got better and better at channeling her sadistic side when putting on a act in front of magical girls and she slowly, but surely started to accept her sadistic desires more and more, but never once she crossed the line. Despite all this, she always believed that it won't last forever and eventually magical girls will overcome all the obstacles she throws at them and defeat her just like always. She started to take genuine joy in torturing them, but she also saw it as means to test them and make them grow stronger. Her goal changed from just doing what she was told and hoping she'll be rescued fast, to actively wanting to fight magical girls and seeing how far they'll grow and how much they'll be able to endure, before her inevitable defeat.
So now we get to present time, where all the magical girls grown much stronger, learned to accept themselves and all 3 of them unlocked La Verita. For Utena who admires those magical girls, that couldn't be more perfect ending. In her mind it all started because she was blackmailed to do it and even if somewhere along the line she learned to enjoy it, she always knew it'll end someday and then hopefully she'll be set free of the blackmail and return back to being just able to admire her magical girls. But that's her admiring side, her sadistic side doesn't want to end it yet and wants to continue torturing them. She was able to balance herself, because she was able to justify her actions, but now that that justification ran its natural course, all that's left is pure sadism, which while becoming more comfortable with, Utena is still yet to fully accept and embrace, hence why it was able to overtake her (I assume since their magic power clearly works on their desires, what we saw was sorta a manifestation of Utena's sadism, she is still unconsciously rejecting).
Or idk, I'm overthinking it and it's just something Mascots planted in her, she's the chosen one of the darkness or whatever else crazy thing author came up with.