It makes me sad to see strife like this when people are talking about something so important and personal, so I’d like to lend a voice in a way that is not attacking anyone. I hope to address some of the talk been going on, as well as the manga itself.
First, I want to clarify for the sake of knowing where I’m coming from that I am a trans woman; obviously that doesn’t tell you everything my experience and perspective, but I hope it does frame my point of view.
So. I really don’t think the Internet, and especially forums, are the place have important discussions, and I almost never think that coming at people is effective or appropriate. I think the big problem, in the end, is that people have different frameworks, and if you approach them working entirely under the assumptions of your own frameworks and theirs are very different, it’ll just create argument—you’re not even really talking about the same things. Arguing about frameworks, coming at people for having different frameworks, is nearly always counterproductive. And sometimes we won’t agree, and that can be okay. To me it’s about promoting reasonable, complete understandings of what we know together with kindness towards people—that’s generative, and helps everyone who’s willing to consider new perspectives, take in knew information, and improve their frameworks.
I won’t implicate myself into the ongoing argument, except to say this; to me the manga seems on the whole to be a relatively good-natured and interesting exploration of gender roles, gendered expectations, and sexuality, and how all those things work together. I really like that part about it, and to me it makes sense that we’re seeing in our main character a mindset of rigid and distinct gendered understandings be thrust into confusion and distress through confrontation with modes of gender he doesn’t understand. The main “femboy” is different from the dismissive bait I often see, having their own maturity, wisdom, and perspective that lets them challenge and productively tease the MC about his gender in ways that the passive fetishistic gender-toys of other shows do not. At the same time, I also think that some of the frameworks that I perceive in the manga support notions I consider unkind; most prominently, the idea that crossdressers who pass more are more valid and to be considered more as women is inaccurate and unkind because of how it reinforces links between gender and beauty standards. In truth, many people who don’t pass in a conventionally attractive way can give off very femme vibes and be feminine or womanly in ways that people around them will receive—perhaps one’s immediate judgement will be different, but spending time with or interacting with such people will leave a different impression, I assure you. Even just putting on a skirt or something can change how someone carries themself and their vibe. I can understand that a focus on non-passing crossdressers may not be a part of the author’s aims, and they do good work elsewhere, and also that leaving this unaddressed contributes to something harmful.
I hope that the brief account I gave properly represents my perspective that we can allow for things to be both bad and good in a work in terms of how they promote kindness and truthfulness, and that there is room for such an approach to appreciating and criticizing the work. I don’t receive this work to be transphobic as a whole, though some frameworks stand out that affect femmes in an adverse way. However, I also believe that the frequency and emotional intensity of people’s reactions to seeing AMAB femmes in anime and manga mean that there is something there to dig into that I don’t see, whether it’s a matter of tropes, individual works, cultural background, the English-speaking community’s treatment of such things, or something else. I believe there it also room for such a discussion, and that it could be productive.
Finally, I don’t want to make this as a call-out, but I feel compelled to say that calling people eggs should not be done. I think the “egg” framework and culture can be useful for helping trans people come to terms with our pasts, and “see” ourselves and evidence of our gender before we had figured it out in an affectionate, patient, and validating light that helps heal us from the notion that our validity requires knowing our gender from birth; however, I only think “egg” talk is productive when self-applied or mutually agreed-upon; otherwise, it is challenging or labeling others without their consent, which is not just bad in and of itself but also especially harmful to people who are harboring or dealing with gendery feelings; if I have hidden trans feelings from myself as a protective measure, someone trying to expose them or point them out will just make me work harder to bury them to keep myself safe. It is aggressive and counter-productive in its reception, even when well-meant. If you do want to engage, saying something like, “you know I felt similarly at one point, I felt like that a lot before I transitioned” or “Mmm, I can relate to that,” or something like that, is better. Whatever the deal is it’s their story, and your role is to offer help or goodwill if they wish to take it, not to try to write on the next page.
So yeah. Text wall. But I hope people receive some value from this, and once again, I’m not trying to say that anyone’s feelings or perspective are wrong, or to call anyone out.
last edited at Oct 21, 2020 8:28PM
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