Yeah, this reads way more like it's set up for a sequel, than as a oneshot with a vague ending. Older sister's running away to Tokyo, but hasn't said anything to younger sister about why she's going or how she feels, making things infinitely more ruinous the next time they inevitably meet. Younger sister is left with a mother who's never home, suddenly having to fend for herself just as she's drowning in guilt for driving away her sister and probably blames herself for ruining older sister's relationship with girlfriend. Girlfriend finally gets the breakup she'd been fearing all along, but was never given a chance to understand the older sister's feelings or actions, even in the vaguest of terms. And even though older sister's run away, younger sister and girlfriend still go to the same school, and they've still seen each other's faces, so it'd be incredibly easy for them to find each other and start talking, especially if girlfriend notices younger sister being way more distraught than someone who's merely been separated from a sibling would usually be.
If it was a painful, distant sort of ending where nobody's happy and everyone has to move on with their miserable lives alone, then that'd be one thing, and I'd be able to critique it as a single complete story. When it's like this, when literally nothing is resolved, all the story threads are still active, and the situation is even more volatile than at any other point in the story? I can't even say anything positive or negative about it as a whole, it just doesn't register in my brain as complete.
I also have to agree with what Maus said about the sex scenes feeling unfocused. They were intense in terms of presentation, but they felt kind of disconnected from everything else in the story? Like, if we're supposed to see the older sister as trying to distract herself from younger sister and vent her sexual tension through her relationship with girlfriend, that's not particularly well illustrated by girlfriend being the one who's super excited about having sex outside at lunchtime while older sister goes "no~ we'll be late to class~" or whatever. Likewise, even if she says her head went blank when she heard younger sister's sexy voice, older sister still has a very conscious and emotional reaction when she realises it's younger sister's first time. She's not lost in the moment, she's aware of what they're doing and all the more excited because of it. They're good scenes, it just feels like they've been awkwardly stitched in from a lighter, pornier manga.
last edited at Jan 3, 2015 6:23AM