OK, I just re-read this carefully, including in that alternative (and clumsier) translation. First of all, this is really solid visual/verbal storytelling, and one of its strengths is subtly shifting the narrative point of view toward and away from the main character (not necessarily the literal visual POV, but what some call the “focalization”—evoking the way a character experiences the events).
There’s also the effective use of repetition (sometimes called “visual rhyming”) and variation. For instance, there are a great many depictions of people looking at Indou, sometimes when she’s aware of it and sometimes not.
Another example is Kagami picking up and hefting Indou to comment on her small body, then Ooba later lifting her into the bath. In the first scene we see Indou from the back and Kagami’s stern face as Indou sees it; in the second Ooba is behind her with a good-hearted laughing face while Indou is more than a little consternated.
And we also get to see people’s facial reactions, often ambiguous ones, to Indou when she herself doesn’t see them and so we know that she isn’t reading the situation fully.
One result of that is that it’s clear that although Kagami initially does give off a good bit of attitude about the way Indou looks, even in the first scene she’s actually being kind of nice to her, helping her situate her lodging and praising her for getting into the school.
Indou, very understandably for someone so young and inexperienced in a new situation, is vastly overreacting to Kagami’s rather mixed messages (she imagines scenes of Kagami acting far worse than anything she actually does).
So Kagami seems scary compared to the kindly (and slightly goofy) Ooba, but that’s mostly if we identify strictly with Indou’s point of view.
Kagami’s responses to Indou also seem to be complicated by something she seems to know or suspect about where Indou comes from and who her parents are. EDIT: As Nya-chan says immediately above.
(And I agree that there’s a slight Strawberry Panic! vibe to the first chapter, which in my view potentially isn’t entirely a bad thing.)
last edited at Jul 23, 2018 2:00PM