Who's thinking in all the black boxes? Why were they ambushing her? What happened to the other person who ambushed her? What sport was she doing in the beginning? Why, what, how, why?
this was honestly like trying to ride an out of control mine cart. A lot of tossing, turning, and throwing all over the place with people screaming and in the end everyone is battered and stuck processing everything that just happened.
It reads like 6 people were tasked with writing the dialog separately and were given vauge directions as to what to write down then all the text thrown at a wall then assembled in random order.
Who's thinking in all the black boxes? Why were they ambushing her? What happened to the other person who ambushed her? What sport was she doing in the beginning? Why, what, how, why?