If you just want the sex scenes I'm sure you can find the originals on Pixiv quite easily.

This is ... amazing ... for the lack of a better word.
Makes me want to buy a plane ticket and go hug the author as hard as I can.
The whole story hits home so hard, and her artistic skill of telling and visualizing it makes it even more striking.

Please remember: No one has the right to tell you what to kind of goal you should pursue, what kind of thoughts you should have or pass judgement on your view on life and ideals. If you don't have any at the moment, that is completely normal. Only you have a say in how you live your life and everyone needs his/her time to figure things out by themselves. If your friends or family do not accept you as you are, you just haven't found the right ones yet.
There are always other people thinking about the same things, having the same thoughts. You are not alone. This thread is another proof of that.

Isn't the original title something like "A narrative on how I was so lonely i went to a lesbian prostitute?" I think that's even more poignant. But my Japanese is very literal at this point, so I might miss an idiom. This is a very brave story and you do want the author to be happy. It reminds me of a real-world "30-something unemployed woman" story. That series by the author of Sasameki Koto. Also if Americans are over-treated, IMO, Japanese are under-treated.

Even if there's no yuri in the actual plot yet, she has said that she did, indeed, find the woman comforting, and she was proud of herself for going through with it. I hope both this and "One-person Exchange Diary" get licensed. Before all this got started her sexuality was "depressed" so there wasn't any dating of boys or girls in school.

last edited at Aug 28, 2016 5:24PM

I don't know what is coming next but i really wish for it to be editing in english or french. It's a really nice testimony. It's remember me "le bleu est une couleur chaude" (blue is the warmest color, if i am not wrong) because of the use of sparsely color and it's about acceptance.

I can relate to so many of the feelings in this that it's not even depressing; it's comforting. If that makes any sense.

This manga was like about me... Except I'm more worthless...

I'm smiling and tearing up in the same time right now

This chapter was a lot more easy to read than the previous one. Mainly because the author has finally decided to be active and take the initiative to do something, rather than let herself be pushed by external factors.

Funny how a change in attitude makes the whole thing go from "utter despair" to "hope".

Btw, this is the Amazon site of her book https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4781614426/ref=tmm_other_meta_binding_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1472385185&sr=8-1

You also apparently can buy (cheaper) Kindle version if shipping cost is too steep for you

That inability to find what it is you truly want to do does hit rather close to home. This is somehow both a painful yet comforting read. The human spirit, she is resilient isn't she.

Ooohh, i love how this discribes depression! It's very true and the funny art doesn't make it to dark

Btw, this is the Amazon site of her book https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4781614426/ref=tmm_other_meta_binding_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1472385185&sr=8-1

You also apparently can buy (cheaper) Kindle version if shipping cost is too steep for you

Thanks for the link! Reading this made me want to support her in any way i can, so ill do it by throwing money at her & crying

God, this is so touching and beautiful. Yes, while this is sad, I hope it means that the author is now in a better place where they are brave enough (especiallly in a world where mental illness is so taboo) to publish their story and tell the world what they have been through.

The author poured everything she had into writing this, sharing all her experiences and anxieties and how much she was really suffering through years of her life.. but I also find it extremely disrespectful towards the author to just be sitting around waiting for sex to happen..

Seconded

last edited at Aug 28, 2016 7:02PM

I kinda... don't care about whats going on in this manga.
Anyone knows whats ahead? Is there Yuri in this? if so from which chapter?

This manga is kinda hard to understand for anyone who hasn't gone through depression, as someone who suffers from it a lot I think this manga is a masterpiece so far.
But the Yuri here isn't really the point.

Ppl go through things. I've experience shit myself, and still am. I've had family members who have gone through hard things, stuff much harder to cope with than what is going on in the manga.
Either way, it does not mean that I will automatically care for this.

Was just asking if yuri happens at any point and when, in case anyone knows, cuz I don't have much interest on this as it is. Unless yuri comes into the mix.

You still sort of sounded like a dick.

I must say, this is a depressing manga but with the authors art and the story, she made a few scenes kinda funny. (No, I don't want to make fun to the mangaka or people with depression) The art is just special and a few times funny.

But let's see if we see the continue of the "First-time" story or something other will happening. (Awesome english FTW)

I feel weird about how closely the author's timeline of epiphany matches up with my own, despite me having endured very different traumas and never technically suffering from depression. I kinda thought said timeline had to do with the nature of the trauma itself, but this story got me thinking that it may mainly have to do with age, instead (I must have been born around the same year as the author, by my calculations).

I still remember my own epiphany, when after seven years of not doing much with my life, I realized that it wasn't really my own until then. It was... stolen, I guess, taken away from me by circumstances? Anyhow, I remember saying "I'm taking my fucking life back," which has since become my madness mantra. And I remember standing before the doctor's office, my entire body almost shutting down at the mere thought that I was about to admit having a problem to another person. Now that I think of it, pushing that doorknob was probably the bravest thing I did in my entire life. I don't want to think what it was like for the author to put her problems for all the world to see, but I am grateful that she did.

last edited at Aug 28, 2016 7:18PM

Isn't the original title something like "A narrative on how I was so lonely i went to a lesbian prostitute?" I think that's even more poignant. But my Japanese is very literal at this point, so I might miss an idiom. This is a very brave story and you do want the author to be happy. It reminds me of a real-world "30-something unemployed woman" story. That series by the author of Sasameki Koto. Also if Americans are over-treated, IMO, Japanese are under-treated.

For what it's worth, while the English title isn't a literal translation of the Japanese title, both titles were chosen by the author herself and both appear on the cover of the original work, so in a sense they're both the original title.

I love this work so much. The author's mind is incredibly beautiful.

I love this work so much. The author's mind is incredibly beautiful.

from 4chan

The artist is a lesbian and has a twatter apparently, so I visited it. Jesus, it looks like a feminist liberal arts gallery. She draws creepy lesbian porns all the time. She even sticked one of her drawings about suicide to her bloody tampons once. Looks like she also has a bit of pedophile tendencies and pampers fetish. Not mentioning her obsession with death and suicide. This cray cray bitch should be put on suicide watch.

I am not going to lie there is something amusing about a 4chan poster talking about " pedophile tendencies "

How fucking nice was that interviewer who told her to draw manga though.

Fukken saved.

Really enjoying this. I'm really impressed with how the author is spilling everything out so candidly. She's really laying everything out there.

Putting aside that it's a true story, this is just a really good manga. The tone is perfectly balanced between sadness and humor, and each chapter leaves me in suspense and wanting more. I'm so glad that it got picked up here.

And yeah, I can relate to a lot of this. Not all of it, but more than I'd like.

it was a bad choice to read kashmir before this ...

it's easy to relate to the protagonist, very often depression starts from "simple" insecurity or lack of self-esteem and respect, not from being bullied at school or from familiar problems; if you don't care about yourself, having a caring family or pityng friends is the worst.
this made me remember a spendid sentence of a writer a love, david wallace, about suicide (and now i have to re-read kashmir to clean the aftertaste, but thanks the same for this great manga)

You mean this quote? DFW was the bomb, but his illness-this illness-got him in the end.

"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

Edit: Wait, it's probably not that one. I can't find the other.

last edited at Aug 28, 2016 10:36PM

Just a little question. Does she have Bulimia or Binge-eating disorder?

Because when it's Bulimia, a person will eat a lot, and force themselves to puke and take out all that food afterwards because they don't want to gain any weight, but when it comes to Binge-eating, they just have these episodes wherein they eat an abnormally big amount of food.

Does MC-chan not want to gain weight, or does she just eat a lot? If it's the latter, then there's a possibility that it might be Binge-eating instead of Bulimia. I'm not sure about this though, since I never really am sure about anything. If it's the former, please explain. Maybe my knowledge about eating disorders is just limited and that I'm accusing something falsely.(Wait, why am I worrying about a minor detail...? -__-)