could it be some pages are missing?

waste of time

This needs way too much background info that was never given, the one thing I’m wondering is if she’s saying this after getting some help. For one thing, I’ve heard help for people with mental illness isn’t the best in Japan so if she’s sought out help and still feels that way, I kind of get where she’s coming from. It’s frustrating being told to get help, seeking it out, but nothing changes and you don’t get better after putting the time and effort to “fix yourself”, and I know that that realization that things won’t get better sometimes makes matters worse for certain people too.

But as someone who is dealing with mental illness, I think If they were going to touch on this subject, they should’ve put more effort instead of half-assing to make some superficial shock factor one shot.

Suicidal thoughts are kind of a feeling that never goes away..........!!

The thought comes and goes at random without an warning or triggers.........!! So the girl that says that she wants to die, can't really help it because it is a phantom emotion.

That being said, just because people have suicidal thoughts doesn't mean that they are going to always look for a way to end it all...................almost all the people just focus on taking a step forward one at a time. The only factor that will make some commit suicide is when there are literally zero factors that deter that emotion........! This seems a bit grim for those that read this but as long as people just focus on taking a next step, they can push through...........!!
One sign of suicidal thoughts is that the people will casually mention about dying, so the best thing for people around them to do at the time isn't to say something akin to no to them, but instead get them to indirectly focus of something in the future, cause getting them to establish an event in the future will help them focus on it whenever they feel overwhelmed by their emotions......!!

So in regards to this story and to all the readers, there is no solution to completely erase the thoughts of suicide, all you can do is to ensure that they have something in the future to look forward to. It can simply be a minor thing, like saying lets have lunch at this place on so and so day, or to mark an event sometime in the future no matter how small it may seem. That is pretty much the most effective action anyone can take to help out suicidal people......!!

So the blonde girl should say something that'll become a factor for the girl to not act impulsively at some point, so saying something similar to the statement that she'll be lonely without her even though she is popular will unconsciously become a factor for the girl to keep living her life with the blonde girl......!!

This story has good potential, but the author needs to work on the research some more.........!

last edited at Nov 6, 2020 4:49PM

This one feels really incomplete, like what the others said fkdnfkfjdk
Irrelevant but oh man Blondie hits too close to home,,,

hey, hey, I'm here to cure my election anxiety
wtf

keemstar screaming.mp4

I'm probably reading too much into it and I agree the work could definitely use being a bit longer and flesh out some details, but from the way Shizuru is presented on first page, short hair, face obscured, dressed rather manly, I feel like she's transgender and that's the reason for her depression, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. On page 2 we see her assumingly after hormone therapy/operation, where she's in much better place in life and visibly more happy (we can finally see her face), hence why Kei asks if she still wants to die. And as was already pointed out, suicidal thoughts don't just go away like that.

Answering some people pointing out getting help, again, assuming Shizuru is trans and got at least hormone therapy, it'd mean she saw some specialist, but mental help in Japan is utter trash. Ignoring the stigma of going to therapy or being diagnosed with mental illness (which is still a issue even in the west), most Japanese specialist simply prescribe you meds and hope it'll solve everything, good luck having a good, positive conversation about your issues. So, again, assuming Shizuru is trans, I can imagine that even if she's in better place now, it's still nowhere perfect. Another clue is with Kei asking if she feels drained from being with her and Shizuru says no. It implies that being with other people drains her, most likely either, because people try to be polite around her, but don't really accept her gender identity or because they straight don't accept it and give her hard time.

I'm not saying constantly talking about dying or asking people who care about you which way would be best to die is healthy or pleasant, but we're not really talking about someone of sound mind. Even if she doesn't mean it, talking about death could be a copy mechanism of sort for Shizuru to let out of her negative emotions and keep on going. The same way like, ranting and talking to someone how shitty your life is can help you, talking about wanting to kill yourself brings attention of others to you and might be cathartic in a way, while at the same time giving you impression you're actively thinking about ways to end your life and misery, when in fact you're all just talk and don't really want to kill yourself and talking about it is your way of push the idea away. People only really kill themselves when they reach absolute bottom and see no other way out. As long as the number of reasons to live won't reach zero, they'll keep pushing through and having 1 person not wanting you to die, might just be that 1 reason.

Only thing I'm not really sure about is Kei's thought "She doesn't even realize I'm afraid of the end that's coming". Whatever it refers to Shizuru simply finally killing herself or it means she actually has some kind of incurable illness and all my theorizing is full of crap.

I'm probably reading too much into it and I agree the work could definitely use being a bit longer and flesh out some details, but from the way Shizuru is presented on first page, short hair, face obscured, dressed rather manly, I feel like she's transgender and that's the reason for her depression, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. On page 2 we see her assumingly after hormone therapy/operation, where she's in much better place in life and visibly more happy (we can finally see her face), hence why Kei asks if she still wants to die. And as was already pointed out, suicidal thoughts don't just go away like that.

I got the same vibe, but then decided to assume that Shizuru wasn't the short-haired person on the first page, simply because Kei's attitude seems somewhat different on both pages, even considering that the circumstances are different. Ultimately, I figured that it was just the obligatory male who gets shot down to establish that a character is lesbian. Also, I don't think trans issues are that well-known in Japan, so authors tend to be more obvious while signalling that a particular character is trans, not to mention the potential for samefacing in art, which has led to more 'actually, these are characters might be related' theories then I'd care to list here.

I do feel like your interpretation adds a significant amount of depth and possible context to the events of this story, though, and I'm glad you took the time to type it out.

i really wish this was longer

Kirin posted:

I got the same vibe, but then decided to assume that Shizuru wasn't the short-haired person on the first page, simply because Kei's attitude seems somewhat different on both pages, even considering that the circumstances are different.

Tbh, words said by character on page 1 seemed to be way too harsh for someone even with low self-esteem to say, but I just chalked it up to character being incredibly depressed.

Also, I don't think trans issues are that well-known in Japan, so authors tend to be more obvious while signalling that a particular character is trans,

While it's true for the most part, it definitely changed somewhat into positive direction nowadays. That being said, while when author wants to explore trans characters, they're usually pretty blatant about it, if author wants to include them, without really making them the focal point, they can be pretty sneaky and subtle about it. Just like we have a lot of subtext that to anyone well attuned to those things is pretty obvious, it's often still written in a way that's just vague enough that can be easily dismissed by people denying it or overlooked by people who are not familiar with the signs. So I wouldn't throw away that possibility in Japanese works that quickly.

not to mention the potential for samefacing in art, which has led to more 'actually, these are characters might be related' theories then I'd care to list here.

Oh yes, definitely. Especially in manga where author always use the same proportions and the same face/eyes shape without much details, it can be really easy to mix characters up. That's why they're often given distinct cloths and hairstyle/hair color, so viewer can tell them apart. When I was translating chapter 2 of Nutmeg, I was sure in first pages it was MC talking to the girl and story was just told out of order and we were seeing future events. Only after my editor told me it was completely different character I realized it. The face and hairstyle was pretty much identical and while hair had different color, I just assumed it was some kind of shading or something.

I do feel like your interpretation adds a significant amount of depth and possible context to the events of this story, though, and I'm glad you took the time to type it out.

Thanks, but I have no issue with admitting when I'm dead wrong and that's the case here. I did feel like character from page 1 and Shizuku looked nothing alike, but because both have black hair it apparently was enough proof for me to came to conclusion that they must be the same person. Since the work is really short I was thinking that everything author included must be important so I tried to came up with explanation how character from page 1, became character from page 2, but assuming that only "logical" explanation was that Shizuku was trans was way too much of a leap. Still I'm glad I did end up writing it, because after your comment and checking work again, it all finally makes sense to me.

So Kei is in love with Shizuku. Seems like Shizuku has terminal illness or some other kind of serious condition. It seems that Kei didn't confess her feelings to Shizuku. Part of it seems to be because she wouldn't take them seriously or understand them. Maybe she doesn't think Kei and/or anyone would love her, maybe she just wouldn't understand concept of love between girls. So Kei is suffering because of it, unable to discuss it with Shizuku, so she tries to date someone else. She dates guy from page 1, but because her heart isn't in it, the guy doesn't feel loved and breaks up with her. He sees Kei as perfect and feels inferior next to her, which strikes a nerve with her, because she isn't perfect. She can't even safe the person who she actually cares about the most.

Hard to say since we don't really know if Shizuku is hospitalized or not, but seems like they took a break for her to have some pleasant experiences. Idk if I'm looking too deep into it again, but Kei's line "Don't run, you'll trip" might suggest Shizuku is physical weak? Anyway, Kei asks if she feels drained with her and Shizuku denies, going back to previous conversation. Apparently Kei seems perfect to everyone she's around and so people tend to drift away from her or not want to get too close, but Shizuku is the only one who doesn't view Kei like that, hence why she sees her as someone irreplaceable and is terrified of inevitably losing her. Kei asking Shizuku if she wants to die seems to again go back to her potentially having incurable disease she's sick of and wants to end her suffering, but again it might as well just be her copying mechanism and Kei might be aware of it, but that's unclear.

Ultimately Shizuku doesn't think highly about herself and think Kei will easily move on after her death, unaware that Kei is actually feeling alienated and she's the only person she can be herself with, so Shizuku's death will be devastating for her.

Could be told a bit clearler or longer, but meh, I think it's relatively easy to understand, once you won't mistake guy from page 1 for trans girl stares

last edited at Nov 7, 2020 4:03PM

I got the same vibe, but then decided to assume that Shizuru wasn't the short-haired person on the first page, simply because Kei's attitude seems somewhat different on both pages, even considering that the circumstances are different. Ultimately, I figured that it was just the obligatory male who gets shot down to establish that a character is lesbian.

Your take does not fit, though. It was the guy who broke up with Kei, not the other way around. He felt miserable and worthless, and Kei was "perfect at everything", "like you don't need anyone else", driving him to feel even more worthless by comparison. This was not about his gender, it was about Kei's personality, or rather, how other people perceive her.

Since the subject of sexuality was never actually brought up, I would sooner assume Kei is bi. She even says to the guy that she liked him after he states he felt she did not, and she seemed genuinely surprised he would think that way - this is Kei's main problem, she appears to others as indifferent and distant.

This is why she asks Shizuru if being with her feels draining.

Also, the guy's thoughts about Kei being "perfect" and self-sufficient are mirrored, in a way, by Shizuru saying in the end how Kei will be "fine" and will easily find someone new. Kei's thoughts indicate this is at least a partially true prediction, noting that she will not really stay alone, but it also shows she will be anything but fine. Her main problem seems to be the way others perceive her, as being self-sufficient to the point of appearing indifferent.

last edited at Nov 7, 2020 6:25PM

I got the same vibe, but then decided to assume that Shizuru wasn't the short-haired person on the first page, simply because Kei's attitude seems somewhat different on both pages, even considering that the circumstances are different. Ultimately, I figured that it was just the obligatory male who gets shot down to establish that a character is lesbian.

Your take does not fit, though. It was the guy who broke up with Kei, not the other way around. He felt miserable and worthless, and Kei was "perfect at everything", "like you don't need anyone else", driving him to feel even more worthless by comparison. This was not about his gender, it was about Kei's personality, or rather, how other people perceive her.

Since the subject of sexuality was never actually brought up, I would sooner assume Kei is bi. She even says to the guy that she liked him after he states he felt she did not, and she seemed genuinely surprised he would think that way - this is Kei's main problem, she appears to others as indifferent and distant.

This is why she asks Shizuru if being with her feels draining.

Also, the guy's thoughts about Kei being "perfect" and self-sufficient are mirrored, in a way, by Shizuru saying in the end how Kei will be "fine" and will easily find someone new. Kei's thoughts indicate this is at least a partially true prediction, noting that she will not really stay alone, but it also shows she will be anything but fine. Her main problem seems to be the way others perceive her, as being self-sufficient to the point of appearing indifferent.

Yes, I agree. It's possibly more a story about emotions and self-perception than one strictly about gender or sexuality.

Yes, I agree. It's possibly more a story about emotions and self-perception than one strictly about gender or sexuality.

I would even argue that the theme of perception by others, and how this clashes with a person's actual inner self, is the central premise of this doujin. People have, in my opinion, gotten too focused on Shizuru and her apparent death wish; this is actually fairly understandable, since death and suicide are pretty strong elements to use in almost any work. But I think their usage here was done in an effort to show just how strongly people perceive Kei as self-sufficient. Even a girl who will literally remove herself from Kei's life by outright killing herself still thinks Kei will be fine in the end.

I think Kei's perceived emotional detachment is what the author was exploring here, and Shizuru's approaching suicide was merely a tool used to this end. Of course, the kicker for us as readers is that we know Kei is not actually detached, it is merely how others see her.

ok that was heavy at least for me
been there on blondie's place, it was really stressful. i tried and actively encouraged them to seek for professional help. sometimes, though, people dont want help. they just want to... well, stop trying and just. rest.

essa história me marcou mais que o esperado. não houve desenvolvimento da protagonista ou explicação do enredo para chegar até esse ponto, mas eu não concordo que a garota era egoísta ou que a história é supérflua. nada que te faz pensar é supérfluo e fica claro nessa thread que essa breve introdução de algo que parece um problema muito maior fez as pessoas pensarem e incomodou - era pra incomodar. foi uma leitura interessante. gostaria de uma obra maior, mas creio que o objetivo seja exaltar o momento não de uma vida ou pessoa específica passando por isso, mas de qualquer pessoa e qualquer vida que possa o ter passado. o ponto dessa arte é isso: mostrar que você não precisa estar intimamente vinculado às personagens pra sentir algo por elas, porque o que importa é aquele momento. e aquele momento, bem, ele machuca.

Cool

Depression 100%

Bitch, the ocean isn't gonna cure her depression. TAKE HER TO A HOSPITAL.

Lmaooo

This is why anti-depressants exist. Of course in some rare cases anti-depressants don't work.

What the fuck

lmao wtf indeed

This is way too short to properly convey what I think the author is trying to convey here. Tackling issues of depression and suicide with only like, 6 pages of a one-shot just isn't gonna cut it.

Perhaps she has a paraphernalia for suicide

I think you meant paraphilia hon but yes how does one accurately explain death in the fetish realm? I know there's gotta be a special word for it. It's escaping me at the moment.

It's not necrophilia... It's not somnophilia...
Then there's suicidal idealization...
Then again maybe she just has a paraphilia for suicide?

last edited at Nov 12, 2020 9:21AM

I think this one was too short to be effective. At least I felt nothing.

I felt something.

Confusion.

last edited at Feb 5, 2021 2:19AM

WTF is that... I love a little angst and suicide. This started out vague which honestly I don't mind, like as long as there's some mystery or build up to something. Like something to take with you from the experience, this was sorely lacking in that, it feels really unfinished. I feel emotionally blue balled and I don't like it. XD

Still, it had potential at least and the art was great.