Huh, surprised about this being uploaded here. Neat little story although the ending was somewhat lacking. I also would've liked a less, let's say "angular" style for the art. At times the characters look really, really manly.
I wouldn't say "angular". That, to me, implies bony bodies. Maybe "chunky"? My biggest issue is with the light-hair girl (Malena?), especially her jaws. Let the tomboy be tomboy though. I usually prefer... see my avatar, but this one wasn't too butch for me, imo.
The dark haired girl straight up looks like a JRPG villain when she's in her club outfit.
She looked like some kind of "sexy Dragon Ball character" to me.