As someone who writes for a living, some of these translations make me grind my teeth so hard! I agree that things are moving too fast; there's no context for what's going on. The premise could be interesting, depending on the actual relationship between Fah and Zee(Sea?), but it needs a lot more development for the sex to seem like more than just a really rotten thing someone did drunk.
Just not as much development as that other not-to-be-named pseudo-incest story.
Also, did anyone else start humming "do-re-mi" reading these names?