Regarding that doujin, it was not bad, but not good. It was pretty bland. And yeah, Hifumin felt kinda off at the beginning, her shyness not showing up until the latter part.
Besides the characters feeling off.... is it just me or is the English rather weird in this one? I'm not a native speaker so maybe I'm wrong, but the whole speech seems rather unconnected...
I was expecting some kind of story but no it's going from A to Z without having anything in between. But I gotta admit it is still nice to see doujin about them even if I do prefer the real Hifumi ♡