Forum › Original Yuri Fiction

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

Seeing as I just posted an original yuri story on my site, which is also new this month, I thought I'd start up a thread for other members to post links to original yuri-related fiction they've written.

Me, I just posted A Mirror's Surrender, a short story featuring light bondage, exhibitionism and selfcest.

Feel free to add your own links.

Norainhere Uploader
2hu%20cats
joined Jun 27, 2014

You have your own site, Nez? Neat! I'll check it out. Also, would this site be alright to post self-written fanfiction as well, or no? I'd imagine not, since the title is "Original". Still, if I ever come up with anything to write, I'll post a link here.

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

You have your own site, Nez? Neat! I'll check it out. Also, would this site be alright to post self-written fanfiction as well, or no? I'd imagine not, since the title is "Original". Still, if I ever come up with anything to write, I'll post a link here.

We've got a fanfiction thread you can posts links in if you like. I think due to the format posting actual fics in the comments (unless they're short) would clutter stuff up pretty quick so that's probably a bad idea.

As to my site, it's pretty new so there's not much there yet. Only three stories, in fact. But I've got more in the pipeline that should be done in a week or so. I'll be doing Camp NaNoWriMo in April, so there won't be much posting during that time, but hopefully there'll be a lot starting in early May if all goes well.

Ourobouros2
joined Feb 17, 2016

Camp NaNoWriMo

How do such things work? Do they actually last for a month? Many of these writing events are a bit of a foreign country to me as I work silly hours - though maybe that's an excuse - so I'm always curious as to how they function and fit into people's lives.

I rarely finish anything I start.

Might I recommend the good ol' set small targets approach if you haven't tried it? I managed to finish my first long form piece by writing 60 chunks of 1,500 words. It feels far less daunting than writing, say, 75,000.

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

Camp NaNoWriMo

How do such things work? Do they actually last for a month? Many of these writing events are a bit of a foreign country to me as I work silly hours - though maybe that's an excuse - so I'm always curious as to how they function and fit into people's lives.

Yes, they last for a month. The classic NaNoWriMo challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel (first draft) in the month of November. You can plan it earlier, but you're not allowed to actually start writing prose until November 1. Nobody but you will read it, word count is all that matters.

Camp NaNoWriMo is in April, and you have one month to write 50,000 words although you can set a custom word target instead. You're also allowed to work on other sorts of writing, like poetry, short stories, new novel drafts, or scripts.

I rarely finish anything I start.

Might I recommend the good ol' set small targets approach if you haven't tried it? I managed to finish my first long form piece by writing 60 chunks of 1,500 words. It feels far less daunting than writing, say, 75,000.

The benefit of word count targets, like my own 1,500 words/day routine or NaNoWriMo's 50k in a month (which comes to 1667/day) is that you end up concentrating on that, rather than on nitpicking your first draft as you go along. Once you've got a draft finished, you can sculpt it in more detail, but for a first draft the goal isn't to be good. It's to get the idea down on paper (or virtual paper) and the quality doesn't matter. That part you can fix afterwards.

Copy90_90_zpscf246422
joined Sep 18, 2014

I have a story in my head but I don't have the motivation to write it. How did you do it, Nezchan?

Kururi
joined Aug 25, 2015

I'm doing something right now, actually. But english is not my native language and I'm using my story to practice it.
I'm not sure it's good enough to show to native people (and I don't know if it will ever be). I do plan to publish it on some fiction site in hope that someone will find it interesting enough. But I don't know if I have the courage to ask someone to read it.

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

I have a story in my head but I don't have the motivation to write it. How did you do it, Nezchan?

Personally I just sit down with the word processor and start typing. Sometimes I'll just write "blah blah blah" or "I hate this, why can't I think of anything" or something until the physical act of typing generates some momentum. I can always delete that stuff and keep going.

It also helps do do a couple of preliminary things. Write a one-sentence summary, try to keep it down to about 15-17 words. Write a one or two paragraph description of the plot that you can use as a guide. Set aside an hour to come up with the perfect first line(s), or come up with a dozen of them and pick your favourite. Doing stuff like that can get you in the groove too.

I find listening to white noise helps, at least in my case. It's a more consistent sound than actual music (unless you're a fan of drone), so you're not distracted by it. There are a bunch of good noise generators here.

Ourobouros2
joined Feb 17, 2016

But I don't know if I have the courage to ask someone to read it.

Writing well is hard. Anyone who's had a crack at doing it seriously won't think any less of a novice taking a first step. Also, I know plenty of people who write English as a second language better than I do as a native.

@Nezchan. I don't mean to ignore your OP and waffle on but I'm in a place where the most I can do is skim threads and tap out simple replies. I'd rather wait until I can fully concentrate before I read and comment on someone's fiction.

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

@Nezchan. I don't mean to ignore your OP and waffle on but I'm in a place where the most I can do is skim threads and tap out simple replies. I'd rather wait until I can fully concentrate before I read and comment on someone's fiction.

Actually, this is all quite interesting so no worries.

Ourobouros2
joined Feb 17, 2016

Okie-dokie, I've got home and followed the link.

Well played, Nezchan. I guess you've been doing this writing lark a while. You have the clarity and concision of an old hand. You appear to share my practice of not using colons and semi-colons, unless that's a quirk of this particular story.

I never realised 'alternate' was a valid synonym for 'alternative' in North American usage (I'm from the United Kingdom). You learn something new everyday.

The second section was where it really picked up steam for me. I respect the choice of beginning in media res, but I like my powerplay to have context and anticipation, a slippery slope into depravity. Also, that second passage had all that delicious focus on willing exhibitionism, which I totally dig. I love the confidence and naughtiness of it! I don't know what I prefer, when it's done out of pure selfish pleasure, or when it's done to provoke someone into overstepping their bounds.

I was totally down with the use of a network cable as a rope. Bondage with cyberpunk trappings? God, yes.

I couldn't help but compare the realisation, without external evidence, of being spied upon by a known enitity, with religious epiphany. I've occasionally wondered if some people, who feel the divine, experience direct arousal from the gaze of their god, or goddess, a person who knows and understands every sensation and desire. I'd once read an article about sexual sublimation in mediaeval Christianity, how chastity wasn't used to strangle hated arousal, but used to channel and intensfiy that energy to feel God in very... graphic ways.

I may have to go hunting to prove to myself that I didn't dream all that. Apparently, there was a school of poetry and illustration and everything... but I'm getting a bit sidetracked.

I think you've used 'tasted' instead of 'tastes' four paragraphs from the end. A slip of the finger from 's' to 'd', easily done. There are a few stray words that I'd drop, adverbs mainly, but no changes that I wouldn't ascribe to personal taste or mindless tinkering. I do too much of the latter.

Also, eight paragraphs into the second section, I'm not 100% sure if the subjunctive applies.

Every activity was done as if I were on display, a surprisingly natural act.

You may be able to put me right on this one, as I'm not an expert on the subjunctive and how it varies between Englishes, but... if you'll indulge my thought process... 'if' in this sentence is a synonym for 'though', which means there's no conditional clause, so I've got a feeling 'if I was' may be the correct usage, strictly speaking.

Having said that, if it were me writing, I'd just shrug and use whichever sounded better. Prefering 'were' for its flow rather than following archaic, obscure 'rules' is totally cool with me. This is just me getting my language geek on. Like, I've bent the subjunctive into all kinds of shapes, either knowingly or accidentally, so I'm always curious to know someone else's take, and whether they understand something I don't.

Anyhoo, that's enough musing. I'm sure you've got a big enough circle of fellow writers with plenty more insight than I have, so I'm kind of prattling here to entertain myself. Good luck with April. I hope it's productive.

last edited at Mar 28, 2016 4:26PM

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

Okie-dokie, I've got home and followed the link.

Well played, Nezchan. I guess you've been doing this writing lark a while. You have the clarity and concision of an old hand. You appear to share my practice of not using colons and semi-colons, unless that's a quirk of this particular story.

I'll be honest, I'm not all that comfortable with semi-colons, so not using them is mainly a weakness of mine.

In part, the clarity and concision is due to the fact that due to the personal challenge of writing the story in no more than 1,500 words, I ended up trimming more than 25% of the final draft. That deep a cut tends to leave very little room for being vague.

I couldn't help but compare the realisation, without external evidence, of being spied upon by a known enitity, with religious epiphany.

That's an interesting thought to look into in a future story, perhaps.

Also, eight paragraphs into the second section, I'm not 100% sure if the subjunctive applies.

Entirely possible. I probably need work on some of the more formal aspects of English grammar.

Anyhoo, that's enough musing. I'm sure you've got a big enough circle of fellow writers with plenty more insight than I have, so I'm kind of prattling here to entertain myself. Good luck with April. I hope it's productive.

Here's hoping. I'm going to be submitting my next couple of stories to Critique Circle, and we'll see what benefit that has. It will delay my next story being posted by at least a couple of weeks though.

Ourobouros2
joined Feb 17, 2016

I'll be honest, I'm not all that comfortable with semi-colons, so not using them is mainly a weakness of mine.

I'd think of it as a trait, not a weakness. If something feels uncomfortable when used in your writing, it doesn't mean all fault lies with you. Language is an imperfect beast. Sometimes its conventional forms are superfluous or inadequate for somebody's work.

Entirely possible. I probably need work on some of the more formal aspects of English grammar.

The subjunctive isn't worth losing sleep over. 'Tis borderline obsolete. I only brought it up in case you had a fresh angle on it, as I'm a bit hazy. Otherwise, you may be happier carrying on like it doesn't exist.

Of course, don't let me dissuade you from hitting the books if you feel the need.

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

New fiction by yours truly, Nothing Rhymes With Woman.

A tale of two women finding closure.

I'd love it if folks here would go have a look.

Ourobouros2
joined Feb 17, 2016

I feel the strongest part of this may be the overriding structure and plot. It's careful with the details, revealing them piece by piece to keep momentum. I don't know if 'classical' is the word I'm looking for, but the form is very familiar, stable and successful. I found myself reading on to know more, and I found out more.

I'm unsure if the neat ending was entirely to my taste, I might have preferred something a little more ambiguous. Well, really, I was only bothered by a couple of sentences: "The previous night had left me drained, but somehow I felt cleansed. Finally breaking down all the way and being forgiven made me accept what happened." I feel it's perhaps robbing the reader of their own interpretation of what's happened. We don't have to take anything at a narrator's word, obviously, but it does feel a bit like sudden cauterisation. I would have been quite happy with the point made by, "Melyssa had faith I’d be able to move on. To heal. All I could do was justify that faith. She deserved as much." which is optimistic without being final.

I did enjoy the theme a lot. I felt it was something Nishi Uko or maybe Takemiya Jin would cover. There's also another point of comparison. Have you come across the VN 'Asphyxia'? It's a very gloomy, Marimite flavoured VN, mostly subtextual, and based on gender-flipped verions of the Romantic poets. There are echoes of the relationship between Samantha and Roberta, where Roberta feels closed-off by Samantha's bipolar disorder and obsession with her sort-of-ex Lillian.

There's perhaps a touch of excessive qualification here and there, words that I'd excise, but I hinted at my biases before, so if no one else has commented, you can dismiss that. If I can pick an example of what I'm on about, so you know how trivial I'm being... erm...

Eleventh paragraph. "I wouldn’t want to see this date out of them all was ruined. This is a special occasion, after all." I feel this could be expressed in fewer words. Perhaps: "I wouldn’t want to see this date ruined. This is a special occasion, after all." would convey the narrator's grasp of the event's uniqueness adequately without repetition?

There are a couple of typos, if you're bothered by such things. I appreciate you can't catch all of them without going cross-eyed.

First paragraph, 'unable control' should be 'unable to control'.

Third paragraph, I'm guessing it should read, 'Her plan was a bookend' rather than 'Her plan as a bookend'.

Ninth paragraph. I feel, 'Melyssa has asked', should be 'Melyssa had asked'. You could make an argument for the first, but I feel the second is more consistent.

Fifteenth paragraph. '*an* comforting feeling' should be 'a comforting feeling'. If I might overstep my bounds, I feel 'ambience' or 'atmosphere' may be better words than 'feeling', but your own discretion is Queen, of course.

Fifty-second paragraph. 'chatting in pairs or small groups' has a missing full stop/period at the end.

After that, I began to feel a bit uncharitable, wielding my metaphorical red pen, so if there were more, I subconsciously turned a blind eye for the sake of actually reading.

If I'm perhaps sounding a little negative, I thought this section was particularly good. "I could smell coffee poured from Thermoses mixed with the usual scent of flowers and trees, and the steady murmur of light conversation around us overtook the usual sound of wind among the leaves." It scans and flows very nicely. My ears pricked up when I read it. The rhyme actually works, when rhymes in prose are often like bombs, loud and obtrusive.

I do feel for Melyssa. Having to repeatedly pull a depressed partner out of the gloom to no lasting effect is pretty horrible. Eventually, you see no choice but to pull the plug. I've been of both sides of that dynamic. I was the depressed one before, and now I'm the functioning one. I don't know which is worse, though I like myself more now.

My apologies if I'm being too picky. If you're getting detailed feedback elsewhere then I understand if you're posting here for a more general response. I generally come here to forget about my cares and be a mindless cheerleader, but prose conjures another persona for some reason.

Eh... enough of my hedging. Keep it up. I hope you stay motivated and productive.

Nishiki%20gosu%20rori%20dark%20hair%20sm
joined Jan 11, 2015

@Nezchan
The amount of response this thread has, compared to the one I made, makes me sad.... TωT

Edit: Since you said it was alright in your OP, I might as well add some shameless self promotion.
My pixiv has a few shorter stories in english, and the first chapter of a schoolgirl story in Japanese. http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=9427601

As a sidenote, is there any good site to host stories in English? Many seem to avoid pixiv because of the language barrier, and membership requirement.

last edited at May 18, 2016 3:21PM

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

After that, I began to feel a bit uncharitable, wielding my metaphorical red pen, so if there were more, I subconsciously turned a blind eye for the sake of actually reading.

I'm sorry that I felt good about myself for writing this.

Ourobouros2
joined Feb 17, 2016

After that, I began to feel a bit uncharitable, wielding my metaphorical red pen, so if there were more, I subconsciously turned a blind eye for the sake of actually reading.

I'm sorry that I felt good about myself for writing this.

My apologies if that were insensitive. I meant to convey that I'd reached a point where I really wanted to engage with the content rather than focus on details that amount to the stray button presses which all of us make. For example, I've just had to edit this post to include that "us".

I try to point these things out for a couple of reasons. I personally stress about leaving errors and I'm glad when I can eradicate them. Also, I use it to indicate that I'm paying close attention and taking someone's effort seriously. Unfortunately, being in 'proofread' mode can sort of overtake my aesthetic appreciation, and if I do too much focusing on individual words, then I worry that I'm not paying adequate attention to the feelings that are being conveyed, which is giving the writer short shrift. That's where I felt I was being uncharitable. It wasn't a comment on finding excessive typos - of which there aren't, I've done far worse myself, believe me - and I apologise again if I implied that.

last edited at May 18, 2016 4:33PM

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

After that, I began to feel a bit uncharitable, wielding my metaphorical red pen, so if there were more, I subconsciously turned a blind eye for the sake of actually reading.

I'm sorry that I felt good about myself for writing this.

My apologies if that were insensitive. I meant to convey that I'd reached a point where I really wanted to engage with the content rather than focus on details that amount to the stray button presses which all of us make. For example, I've just had to edit this post to include that "us".

I try to point these things out for a couple of reasons. I personally stress about leaving errors and I'm glad when I can eradicate them. Also, I use it to indicate that I'm paying close attention and taking someone's effort seriously. Unfortunately, being in 'proofread' mode can sort of overtake my aesthetic appreciation, and if I do too much focusing on individual words, then I worry that I'm not paying adequate attention to the feelings that are being conveyed, which is giving the writer short shrift. That's where I felt I was being uncharitable. It wasn't a comment on finding excessive typos - of which there aren't, I've done far worse myself, believe me - and I apologise again if I implied that.

I'll be honest the whole thing was a blow to my confidence, and I felt blind-sided by the unsolicited critique. I did make the typo fixes, but you seriously did leave me feeling like I was unprepared, not good at the craft and generally released a story that was little but mistakes.

I'll try to get better in the future, but after that I'm not really up to much today.

Ourobouros2
joined Feb 17, 2016

After that, I began to feel a bit uncharitable, wielding my metaphorical red pen, so if there were more, I subconsciously turned a blind eye for the sake of actually reading.

I'm sorry that I felt good about myself for writing this.

My apologies if that were insensitive. I meant to convey that I'd reached a point where I really wanted to engage with the content rather than focus on details that amount to the stray button presses which all of us make. For example, I've just had to edit this post to include that "us".

I try to point these things out for a couple of reasons. I personally stress about leaving errors and I'm glad when I can eradicate them. Also, I use it to indicate that I'm paying close attention and taking someone's effort seriously. Unfortunately, being in 'proofread' mode can sort of overtake my aesthetic appreciation, and if I do too much focusing on individual words, then I worry that I'm not paying adequate attention to the feelings that are being conveyed, which is giving the writer short shrift. That's where I felt I was being uncharitable. It wasn't a comment on finding excessive typos - of which there aren't, I've done far worse myself, believe me - and I apologise again if I implied that.

I'll be honest the whole thing was a blow to my confidence, and I felt blind-sided by the unsolicited critique. I did make the typo fixes, but you seriously did leave me feeling like I was unprepared, not good at the craft and generally released a story that was little but mistakes.

I'll try to get better in the future, but after that I'm not really up to much today.

Noted. I honestly just wanted to make an effort to match yours, but I'll inquire next time before reading too closely. Sorry for the confidence blow and misjudging what was appropriate. I felt sick, thinking I'd done harm.

You're doing fine. Typesetting errors are no measure of ability, just easily removed obstacles to a deserved audience. Your writing's got a sense of purpose and momentum some people never acquire. I appreciate that.

If it's any consolation, I never graduated from scribbling trash, so you could rightly dismiss anything I say as uninformed. Just imagine that I'm a dog or a snail. And it goes without saying that you're well within your rights to assert your own opinion and judgement over mine if I'm being unfair or just plain wrong.

Tofu
joined Feb 8, 2016

Nez, even though I retracted it, because it seemed like I overstepped with comments similar to Substance's, I thought I'd mention that if you have boundaries about what you want to hear from other people, it might be worth stating them when you share your work. I don't think anybody here is out to upset you, but when you offer up a piece to the public, it seems as open to critique as anything else posted here on dynasty. I think anybody bothering to give a detailed response to you has the best of, or at least non-negative, intentions. I hope you don't take it as a slight when folks are willing to share their thoughts on how to improve your writing, since you're part (if not, the queen) of the Dynasty community that we all appreciate. That said, I hope you get to the point of taking in critique in all its forms, since sifting through criticism for what can really improve your work is a great skill for a writer.

last edited at May 19, 2016 6:43AM

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

Oh, I do appreciate it. It just caught me off guard, right when I'd been happy that it was the best thing I'd done to date. Bad timing and pride, I guess.

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

I just posted a new SF-Romance yuri story on my website, I'd be happy if folks check it out.

I Will Hum Tears As I Say Goodbye

Nishiki%20gosu%20rori%20dark%20hair%20sm
joined Jan 11, 2015

I now have a DeviantArt page, if anyone's interested in some yuri short stories.

Please let me hear your thoughts!

DeviantArt: http://nagamika.deviantart.com/
Pixiv: http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=9427601

Nezchan Moderator
Meiling%20bun%20150px
joined Jun 28, 2012

Welp, finally managed to break my dry spell and got a new story finished and uploaded. So here, you are.

How the Goddess Was Saved

Hope you like it.

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