Shouldn't that be "...If, [one/I] could buy your time with money.."? There's no subject with the first part of the sentence.
I believe the capitalization on "Telling" and "you" should be switched, or both should be lower case.
Thanks a lot for the cleaned re-up! It looks so much better now.
Out of curiosity, where does the "My" text box fit in? "My" adorable woman?
If I remember correctly, the first time this was posted, someone mentioned that the cloud is the Flying Nimbus (Kinto'un) from Dragon Ball in which only pure-hearted people could properly ride it. Since it's Shizuru... well, of course she falls straight through.
Not sure what the final untranslated part was about though.
Edit: translation tidbit
last edited at Sep 1, 2017 4:54PM