Okay, so I was gonna write sth personal here... a bit related to the story.
So, there was this woman I used to talk to flirt with online. I would never do that again and I'm even ashamed of myself when I realize all the stupid things I did... Anyway, I really genuinely liked her.
When I started reading wdtfs I was having some problems with her ('cause she was a jerk ^-^*) but I didn't mind that much I was thinking Sumin reminded me of her... I wanted to tell her to read it. But I never did because well... I was feeling bad one day (for reasons, related to her but I didn't tell her that, I actually had to go through knowing a LOT of cringy things about her and getting over them...) I just wanted to talk to her but she "wasn't it the mood", I honestly only asked for some minutes of her time and she just spent them getting mad at me for even daring to bother her and threatened to never talk to me again... Honestly, I always left her alone when she said she wasn't in the mood, only that once I was feeling extremely bad. I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks after than and then I messaged her and I told her about what was bothering me and I told her that if she thought it'd be nice for us to maybe be together (she said this) then she shouldn't push me away because she will lose that opportunity. We talked to hours but long story short she said she didn't care "just 'cause she saw a cute hedgehog doesn't mean she wants it as a pet" she said. And other mean stuff. And I said ok fine, if you wanna destroy everything we have now.
After another 2 weeks she messaged me to talk about Dark Souls -.- and I wasn't as sweet to her as before; not even close. I wasn't mean to her either; just saying. After she was done talking to me she went like "thank you for the chat", she just called it off like that. She never asked me how I was. I honestly don't care if she was genuinely trying to be nice. I hated how she just used me whenever she saw fit but didn't care one bit about my feelings. Like talking yes, whenever she felt like it. Before that incident where she got mad she wouldn't randomly say mean things like "look, stop spamming me, ok?" and I didn't even message her like every hour to check ('cause as you know I've had done that to me). I would usually message her and she wouldn't reply so I guessed she was busy or away so I might message her the next day or at night or sth. She rarely replied to say she was busy. Besides, this was coming from a person who was totally giving me some sort of hopes that she actually cared about me that way. Though she probably doesn't really care about anyone or anything so I don't even know.
Anyway, I just told her not to thank me and that it was off putting and I did not care on bit if she misunderstood me because I honestly didn't wanna talk to her again. And she deleted me after that. Oh, on Christmas; which is just stupid. After telling me she didn't care about talking to me and that she was indifferent she apparently got mad I wasn't like before or that I didn't message her and decided to get revenge... Pathetic.
Anyway, I feel pretty ashamed of myself for even getting in a situation like this. I was probably too lonely and out of my mind to get attached to someone like that whom I didn't even actually know. I don't say I regret it but I certainly cringe and feel like going to the past and slapping myself.
~~~
Anyway, I kind of got invested in this story hoping Sumin wouldn't be even close to that jerk. It was also healing for me, just looking at a character who was a bit like her superficially but instead of a jerk kind on the inside... if Sumin turns out to be a jerk it's going to deliver a fatal blow to my heart -.-
Anyway, sorry for the rambling >.>
Also sorry if I delete this at some point ^-^'' I'm so sure I want this to be here forever though ^-^''''
