edit: keeping the below for posterity, but it was referring to a previous release by zuiccraft.
Now... I normally try not to start drama about things, but tMnR is one of my favourite Love Live artists, and I hate to see her works being... rather poorly done. So I thought I'd write up a quick critique of this release from the perspective of a translator.
Let me tell you: there are lots of mistakes. Rather egregious ones at that. I've decided to avoid commenting on the other issues I see (awkward wording, missing punctuation, poor editing/typesetting, etc.) which tend to be more subjective, and just focus on the raw facts of completely incorrect translations.
If the translator happens to read this, I'm happy to talk you through things in more detail or debate the merits of a translation decision. (Happy to talk to anyone about it really. I'm not infallible, and I love to discuss & learn from my mistakes!) You can easily contact me on Twitter (@shimapanda_) if need be!
Page 1
"Eh, Eli? You're hurting me"
==>
"E-Eli?! You were already here?!"
(lit. "You had already come?", 来ていたのですか)
I don't understand how the translation was this incorrect, to be honest. 来る is a very simple/common verb.
"I expected you to schedule this during the weekend..."
==>
"I-I thought the plan was for you to come over on the weekend...?"
In this case, it's just plain misunderstanding of the copula (だ) vs. the verbal noun form (～する). They are not making a plan (予定する), they have a plan (予定だった).
"Uuuuugh"
==>
*squeeeeze*
This bubble is a SFX. ぎゅう, to hug/squeeze. It's about Eli being so scared she's clinging to Umi.
"Were you obliged to wait for me in the dark?"
==>
"You didn't have to force yourself to wait for me in the dark, you know."
Misunderstanding of the ～なくてもいい form, i.e., "you don't have to~". 無理に as "obliged" is not... strictly incorrect, but is a really awkward word choice in this case. 無理 is closer to "feel obliged to", i.e. a personal decision that you force yourself to do something because you think you should, rather than simply "obliged to", i.e. a decision made for you that you are forced to do.
Page 2
"I wonder if it's too soon to give you your gift"
==>
"Well, I guess it's about time to give you your gift."
... well, my translation for this is a bit meh. But the point of this sentence is she's trying to segue from a previous conversation into the gift-giving. (Hence the こほん, *cough*, next to her.)
"Yes... I'm probably not so good, though"
==>
"Yes... Well, it's only a hobby of mine, though."
「嗜む程度」 is an interesting word ==> http://www.weblio.jp/content/%E3%81%9F%E3%81%97%E3%81%AA%E3%82%80%E7%A8%8B%E5%BA%A6
It means something you do sometimes because you enjoy doing it. It's not that you aren't interested interested in it, neither are you super obsessed with it. It's just something you enjoy somewhat and so you do it when you feel like it. I thought "doing it as a hobby" was about the closest phrase in English for this case, particularly for a musical instrument - playing guitar as a hobby vs. playing it seriously makes a lot of sense.
I want to iterate again that I don't want to start drama here, but I hate to see things with this many mistakes be widely consumed. It's a shame for you as a reader to not get to experience the story tMnR wanted to express; and it's a shame for the artist themselves to be so poorly represented in English as well.
last edited at Mar 26, 2016 7:06AM
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