/a/ has translated Goto Yuko's whole blog entry.
I want to shout I love you! I did so many times!
It was the end of June when she contacted me. Even though we’ve quite friendly since we participate in a lot of shows together, we’re not that close enough to spent time with each other in private. I wondered why she contact me, but then I realized the reason while talking to her. It was probably because she found it easier to talk with me, who have been hospitalized until recently.
I cried together with her. Why did the illness must come to someone who work hard like us. Illness came to everyone equally that it’s unpleasant. We half-laugh half-cry in the end.
It’s ironic that what make us close was the illness. After that I LINE to her everyday with a dirt-cheap smartphone that I just newly bought. Since I’m free I talk to her about an hour everyday. I become to love her who tried to make me laugh regardless of tired her body is. I love you! Please marry me! I also love you! But I decline! Who are you going to choose, me or that girl!? Are you doing drugs (medically)!? This drug is really tough!! If you don’t do it today, when will you do it!? In Japan, it’s only us who use this style of speaking for medication! (laughs) A facetious speak just like that. We joke with illness and treatment that others looking at us they would say it’s inappropriate.
When she could temporary leave the hospital, I visited her mansion* because she said she’s lonely. She greeted me with industry jargon “Yuko-tan, maji tenshi!” (Yuki-tan is a goddess) when I arrived. She said she sorry that didn’t put on her makeup recently, and for greeting me in pajamas. My impression with her is she don’t normally do makeups. Maybe she’s just bad at it ← Rude. But seeing her without makeup for the first time was really cute like she’s a junior high school girl. I wish I’ve said it to her. She finished Katsu Sandwich and a cream puff that I bought for her in an instant. After that she took out snacks and asked between potato chip and Jagarico, which one do you want? I tell her are we high school boys or something!? while eating the snacks. It’s still long from here. Even though it might be though, if there’s no other choices but to try hard then let’s try. You don’t need to think you have to try hard, just keep thinking you won’t give up is enough. You’ll recover. I believe it. You’re strong. Gentle. Round. Cute. You’re talented. You have a lot of special things that’s too precious to just give up. I keep chewing the potato chip while telling her to keep looking forward.
No before long, my messages to her in LINE are left unread. Group of friends who were looking after her invited me to the watching group when I started getting panicked. The watching group has people who are a very close of her since a long time, and are the one who were supporting her with her illness for all along. I thought she’s truely being loved. If the story about this break out then the group would be full of people that everyone is not allowed to say anything to anyone. It was a group with very little people.
I heard that her condition isn’t very well from the group and went to the hospital. She were recovering a little by little and tried to say something to me. I’m regretting that I couldn’t hear her well. She said “A…”. Enough, enough! You will get tired if you speak! I stopped her. That decision was probably a right one. But I should have listened to her. What were you going to say?
And few days after that, you passed away. Before that you were showing a lot of hopeful signs. Everyone who watch over you saw a hopeful light from your atmosphere that you would return back to normal very soon. And that day came so quickly. The day we have to say goodbye were so sudden. It came when we still couldn’t close our mouth from opening wide. Your decreased portrait and your last moment was so beautiful I want to show to everyone. That I could almost hear your voice.
It was very short period that we became close to each other. It’s only 4 months that I hestitate to call myself a friend of you. But that time was so thick and tough and so lovely that I can’t get myself straight.
I was hesitate about writing this blog. There’s nothing I could really do for someone who already left. No matter what I wrote, in the end it would be just my self-satisfaction. But if there’s one thing I could do for her, it was probably to tell the world how wonderful you are. She’s being loved this much by everyone around her. I said it even as a newcomer who just became captive by her.
I won’t ever forgot your cute appearance, your funny personality yet always thoughtful of others, your beautiful voice and your splendid acting. Come to think of it, it’s an amazing thing. Your voice that are blessed by the shows and the characters are left in memories of a lot of people. Not only that but it will also reach someone in the future, reach even people in an era where we’re no longer here. I don’t think leaving traces that you’re alive is a main objective of living, but for you who love to play and entertain people, you must be really happy about it. Even it may be shameless for a friend to say, your life that give people dreams and being loved by a lot of people is really wonderful. Although it’s sad, but I’ll live on keeping the fact that I could support you(?) even for a short time as something to be proud of. Be prepared since I’m going to keep praising you to the skies even from now on.
I arbitrarily interpret your last words with me as either “Arigatou” (Thank you) or “Aishiteru” (I love you). I will keep thinking back on it while walking forward.
Matsuki Miyu, you are really lovely.
I love you forever.
*Just as a note, what the Japanese call "mansion" is what we'd call an apartment building. She didn't live in an actual mansion.
