I personally took that Mizuho does love Ena (I doubt that "I still love..." was referring to someone else considering she was talking about Ena right before and after) and that she might even think that Ena's cheating on her, putting her in that gay boyfriend's "disadvantageous" position.
I have to agree with Kitty_Kay on this one point. Going back from pages 8-12 (chpt. 4) we are given hints of information alluding to why Mizuho left home, why she has an aversion towards being labelled homosexual and why she is stand-offish with Ena. And again, I think we will need to wait until chapter 5 to see if more relavent information is given.
I am waiting to say whether or not the I still love was for Ena because if it was it wouldn't need to be so ambiguous so there's still that slim chance she's talking about her ex boyfriend.
actually, I'm torn here. I think she could be talking about her boyfriend. why? because from pages 5-12 (chpt. 4) that leads up to Ena's return, we are presented with a flashback (prior to her leaving home?) where she is confronted by her boyfriend's lover. where the pages alternate between flashback and present day, Ena is mentioned, but more as an afterthought then the main topic. more so, the dialogue bubble say this, "i still love..." and "I'm begging you..." before Ena enters. if those thoughts and memories from the past were meant for Ena, why not have a frame where Mizuho is thinking of explicitly of Ena? Better yet, if that dialogue was meant for Ena, why use 'still' when refering to someone you're suppose to be in love with in the present tense? that implies that either at some point Mizuho's love was wavering for Ena, but somehow the spark is 'still' there OR that she (Mizuho) fell out of love, but realized that she 'still' felt a connection to Ena. To me, that makes no sense! Especially if they are suppose to be in love (in the present tense of the word), how can she 'still' be in love as if love was lost like a lucky phone strap? so again I agree, this is too ambiguous given the information we are presented with. guess we'll have to wait-n-see.
Why did Mizuho even accepted Ena as her girlfriend?
this has bothered me for a bit now. I'm about to do some hand waving in my explanation, so please bear with me...
One thought is thatMizuho did so only out of loneliness and/or fear of the male species. As has been mentioned, the oh so cliche 'woman scorned turns lesbian' thing appears to be playing out. however, I'm puzzled as to why? if Mizuho honestly believes the whole "there's no way homosexuality can turn out well," then why date either sex? so my hunch is that Ena showed Mizuho just the slightest shred of kindness (chpt. 3). this was enough to make the possibility of dating a woman palpable.
Finally, does Mizuho really love Ena (which I believe is Ena's main concern)? in her own way she probably does. is she gushing and madly in love with Ena? I'm not sure. if she is, then her own internal homophobia is keeping her from being able to show Ena the type of love she needs to see.
Now never mind everything I've just written. let's take an alternate look at everything... As was mentioned earlier, what if Mizuho left home because she was lesbian? does that mean the ex-boyfriend was a prop? I've been toying around with this idea for a bit now and constantly refer back to this phrase: "there's no way homosexuality can turn out well" as supporting evidence.
if she is/was, then:
- the ex-BF was for show to the outside world. I've also wondered if Mizuho was using the boy to force herself to accept being straight. Why? refer to the phrase above. and again, as has been mentioned, culture and wanting to be accepted can make people do things that are inherently not in their best interest.
- this would explain why she has no (sexual) intimacy issues with Ena. I contend that in 2 years of dating, I cannot image that they have not had sex. also, if she were 'straight' then I think she'd have a much harder time showing PDA in front of her sister than in public. although I am kinda contradicting myself here.
- while Mizuho realizes (opinion here) that she's pushing Ena away, she does so out of fear and says so on pg. 5. chpt. 4.
- she's concerned that Ena missed work and whether she would return. I think both this bullet and the one above are directly related to her feelings about homosexuality (again, refer to the phrase above)
- she is worried about people "finding out" and goes out of her way to not be labelled "that way." again, internal homophobia related issue.
- finally, why reciprocate someone's feelings? is she were a woman scorn, then stay asexual. if she's running from men then I believe the whole female intimacy thing would be a very real issue. why continue to look for housing with another woman if you really aren't into it? for that matter, why stay in the relationship? I believe it's mostly due to her own internal homophobia. but again, we still have too little infomation to come to a concrete conclusion.
All, I truly apologize for this excessively long post. I guess I had a little too much free time on my hands. i will try to keep future replies much shorter.
last edited at Jan 3, 2014 1:28PM