I’m wondering what you guys think about two fundamental things Touko repeatedly says that have never quite made complete sense to me, and that are linked in the latest chapter:
1) Yuu’s “kindness.” Specific quote: “I thought Yuu was the kindest girl in the world. Because she couldn’t love me.”
I understand why Touko thought that Yuu was someone she could love under her weirdly idiosyncratic criteria, but not why the word “kind” applies to her. “Safe” or “wonderful” or “special,” sure—but how exactly is Yuu being “kind”?
(I mean, Yuu is a kind person, but how does “not being able to love” = kindness? Is this a translation thing?)
I think it's something like:
“I thought Yuu was the kindest girl in the world. Because she [accepted my love for her and everything I asked of her even though she] couldn’t love me.”
To Touko, anyone who could do that had to either be in love with her or be extremely kind.
2) “Love is a chain.” This is a little more explicable, but still a bit contradictory. Paraphrased, Youko fears being loved because that means if she changes she will not be loved anymore. But that implies that Touko expects that she herself will change in the future, and when she does, she would stop being loved.
Touko, however, has devoted herself (she thinks) to never, ever changing—to always being the simulacrum of her sister’s (what we discover to be false) perfection. So why this extreme dread of what would happen if she changed?
Again, the second one is easier to explain as just Touko’s confused and distorted thinking, but it does seem odd that her central fear is based around an assumption that she will inevitably change when she seems to have devoted herself to not changing.
Hmm... back when Touko was trying to be her sister, she didn't fear changing. She feared that people fell in love with the image of her acting as her sister. And so, if people saw her as she really was, they'd stop loving her.
Right now, Touko has moved on past that. And now she is changing. She accepted change. Now she fears that people who love her as she is will stop loving her once she changes.