The sequence of events that night "Ai angrily and impulsively tries to kill Hina by choking her to death" to "Hina rapes Airi by coercing her through the threat of abandonment"

These two are both so fucking crazy

Love how this manga went from "Hina you need to get away from Ai. That relationship ain't healthy" to "WTF! RUN AWAY FROM HINA, AI-CHAN!" Like, damn, this relationship is all kinds of fucked up. It's interesting to me how both of them are sadists, but Ai was definitely more interested in causing physical pain and discomfort while Hina, I think, is mostly attracted to controlling Ai and she controls her through manipulating her emotions and preying on that vulnerability. I was expecting Hina to awaken to a Dark Side but I was not expecting her to be so tactically manipulative (like she was so smart about this; it was straight up evil) which looking back makes perfect sense.

The reason the angels can't read what she wants is because all of her desires are so perverse so her thoughts are censored.

I actually really like Akira so much more as a character after this chapter. We've seen her be a bit jealous before now, but she was still a mostly bland character imo but I enjoyed these ugly characteristics. Her feelings are certainly not positive and her ego certainly needs some work, but that's what I find appealing about it. She's a character that needs a lot of growth and change.

She needs to understand that Mayuki has grown up and isn't still that little girl she needs to protect. She needs to understand that she isn't "better" than Mayuki. She needs to come to understand why Rin likes Mayuki and what those feelings actually mean. She needs to get her jealousy and feelings under control. There's just so much room for great character development and if done well then I see it really strengthening the polycule as a whole.

If done well being the most important part. Rin and Mayuki have already built up a great dynamic. They're fluffy and sweet and those kiss scenes are so saucy! (Seriously, this manga has some of my favorite kiss scenes at the moment.) They're everything you really want in a yuri couple and they could probably pull off their own manga as a monogamous pairing. So, the introduction of Akira needs to feel like it adds to the relationship between all three characters rather than distracts from the relationship between Rin and Mayuki.

I'm looking forward to seeing how Akira changes the dynamic between these characters when she becomes more involved in the romance. I have hope and trust that that mangaka will be able to pull it off in a satisfying way.

Very interesting. I wasn't sure if I'd like it, because gay for pay stories tend to be a miss for me but I'm glad I gave this story a shot. I really liked the first chapter and the journey of sexual exploration and confidence that the protag embarks on. Depending on how the story progresses I might get really into this manga, but I've read other gay for pay stories that end up building a large cast of meaningless characters for the protag to have sex with and that's not my thing. But I like the mangaka's other works so I think I'll like this as well. It's an interesting premise and I feel like the characters have already been set up really well.

I gotta love how upfront morinaga is. She's not subtle at all xD

They haven't even kissed after months of dating, but now they're getting naked together. These two really go from zero to fifty real fast lol. They were moving slower than primary/middle school relationships and now they're gonna show each other their tits. Truly amazing. 10/10 Best way to progress this relationship.

Awwwww, she's finally grown her hair out! :3

Well, Airi's 100% fucked. Her friends may be willing to hear her side, but there isn't anything she could say to exonerate her. She can't pin it on Hina, because the pictures clearly show her choking Hina ... like, there is no way to explain that. It's either she's bullying Hina or they're in a messed up kinky relationship. Both of which destroy her reputation. I wonder if this event will lead to her being closer or further away from Hina?

On one hand, she pushed Hina entirely away because she feared the potential risks of their relationship after learning about the existence of photos. So, if everyone finds out, it makes sense that she'd want even more distance. Perhaps she'd even feel resentful towards Hina and push her away entirely in a last ditch (and ultimately hopeless) effort to repair her reputation.

Or, maybe because she might lose everything she has (friends and her reputation) that she decides to be closer to Hina in order to fill that void, especially since now there really wouldn't be a point to hide anymore.

And Hina. Poor Hina. Some in the class sympathized and pitied Hina while others were wondering if she was "into it." I imagine some people might attempt to ask her about it ... and she is not going to try to push Ai under the bus. She won't say Ai bullied her, I don't think.

Hopefully,,,, this leads to someone reaching out to Hina and giving her a support network that helps build up her confidence and give her the power to day no and set boundaries buuuuut I doubt that. Likely she gets socially isolated and perhaps that makes her relationship with Ai even worse.

Though I'm not too sure whether it's been touched on, but does Airi just get her giggles off of causing any one pain or just Hina?

I don't think it's necessarily the pain that excites Airi—I mean, that's clearly a part of it, but I don't think she'd enjoy typical bullying. Because what she really likes is the fact that Hina lets her do it, it's the fact that Hina allows it all to happen because it's what Airi tells her to do and what Airi wants her to do. I don't think she'd enjoy causing a random person in pain, because she enjoys the sort-of devotion that Hina has to her specifically.

In the very first chapter we get the flashbacks of the pair in middle school during gym class where they're running track. Airi encourages Hina to keep running even as she tires so they can "do it together," but then Hina throws up. And this is the moment that attracts Airi to Hina and leads to their secret relationship. Airi didn't intentionally cause Hina any pain in this moment, but she loved that Hina "endured" it to the point of throwing up just because Airi wanted to keep running.

Airi enjoys Hina's pain, but I think Airi enjoys the fact that Hina "endures" for Airi specifically more than anything else.

I figured glasses girl wouldn't be be a bit disturbed, but oof ... she might actually be worse than Ai? Idk. Airi is extremely selfish and self-centered, but Glasses-chan (no I don't remember her name) is obsessive and selfish in regards to her relationship with her friend that she builds herself up as a "savior." It feels grosser to me than someone being an asshole because of their own fucked up desires, because Airi is just selfish while glasses girl has twisted her selfishness into a sort-of "selflessness" in regards to this one girl.

(She kind of reminds me of some self-righteous assholes IRL)

Like,,, what type of person sees their friend engage in these activities and isn't worried? Even if she assumes they're entirely consensual, surely she'd be worried about her friend? But nah. She doesn't think about what Hina must be going through or why she has this kind of relationship with Ai. She doesn't even decide to mind her own business. She secretly watches them for two fucking weeks and takes pictures, so she can blackmail and protect her "waifu" from "perversion."

Obviously this manga isn't gonna have a good ending and all of these characters are fucked up, but damn. This girl looks like she might go full on yandere.

The thing is she doesn't seem to think of Hina as a friend and probably never did.

Ah, you're right. She probably just tolerated Hina before this because she wasn't a "threat" to her waifu. Poor Hina. Do any of her supposed "friends" care about her? :/

I figured glasses girl wouldn't be be a bit disturbed, but oof ... she might actually be worse than Ai? Idk. Airi is extremely selfish and self-centered, but Glasses-chan (no I don't remember her name) is obsessive and selfish in regards to her relationship with her friend that she builds herself up as a "savior." It feels grosser to me than someone being an asshole because of their own fucked up desires, because Airi is just selfish while glasses girl has twisted her selfishness into a sort-of "selflessness" in regards to this one girl.

(She kind of reminds me of some self-righteous assholes IRL)

Like,,, what type of person sees their friend engage in these activities and isn't worried? Even if she assumes they're entirely consensual, surely she'd be worried about her friend? But nah. She doesn't think about what Hina must be going through or why she has this kind of relationship with Ai. She doesn't even decide to mind her own business. She secretly watches them for two fucking weeks and takes pictures, so she can blackmail and protect her "waifu" from "perversion."

Obviously this manga isn't gonna have a good ending and all of these characters are fucked up, but damn. This girl looks like she might go full on yandere.

Hina: if this gets out it'll be really bad for Ai-chan!
Ai: can i blame this all on Hina?

I really feel for Hina. For some reason, she cares about Ai and Ai doesn't care about her even a little bit. Not her health, safety, consent, reputation—nothing. I really hope Hina is eventually going to be able to get out of this relationship permanently and safely. And Ai ... she just needs to stop.

last edited at Jun 21, 2020 4:00PM

Hina enjoys something they do a bit

are we reading the same manga? she clearly doesn't enjoy anything they've done.

I'm referring to Ch. 6, specifically pages 22 and 23. Hina's thoughts indicate that she did like sucking Ai's breast and that she wants to do it again. And we see on page 19 that she was a lot more enthusiastic about it than anything else she's done with Ai. She clearly didn't enjoy anything else in that scene or the framing of the action (pretending to be a baby), but she enjoyed Ai's breasts—something that is relatively normal to enjoy doing in a sexual relationship. And on page 23, Ai notices that Hina seems a bit happy after their activity (something she never is) and feels angered by it so she immediately "punishes" Hina by doing something she knows that Hina won't enjoy. That's what I was specifically referring to.

last edited at Jun 21, 2020 3:14PM

This manga is so delightfully creepy and fucked up! Oof, jfc Ai is really something. Hina enjoys something they do a bit and Ai immediately wants to push Hina into pain and discomfort and take away any pleasure she might feel. I really hope either (A) Hina leaves this toxic relationship behind her or (B) Ai reads a book on concent and proper S&M play. But then, we wouldn't have this fucked up story lol. I wonder how Ai will react when she learns about the blackmail? She acts confident with Hina, but she is definitely aware of the taboo of what's she's doing and the consequences it will bring if it's found out. I imagine she'll be pretty scary regardless of what she does though :/ That girl definitely has some extreme fucking issues.

I love this so much! How am I supposed to go to sleep now? My brain is just high on Adashima rn.

I really loved the AU story so much. It really high lights how important these two characters are to each other and how much change they've had on them. Shimamura's perspective, in particular, was exciting because it really contrasted with her thoughts during the confession scene. Her life with Adachi is interesting and she likes being with her and in a world without Adachi she is entirely bored. These two were just meant to be and they bring a happiness to each other that no one else can :3

And then we get that really solid Adachi chapter. On one hand, Adachi is very relatable. On the other hand, I am mildy concerned about how often she tends to "dissociate." xD She was so blown away by Shimamura's response that her brain just stopped processing information for the rest of the night until she woke up hours later at home lol. And her call to Shimamura! Oh my god! She was on cloud nine and when I read the "I love you too," I actually and genuinely squeed.

I do wish we got some Shimamura perspective in that chapter though, especially because she ends up saying "I love you," TWICE! She doesn't remember the first time, but she still said it twice! I was not expecting that at all. I really loved their conversation about love though and the reasons they love each other. Adachi was so adorable, but Shima was very relatable because honestly same. "Oh, thanks." and "I can't think of any reasons off the top of my head," are very me responses lol.

And we did kind of get a Shimamura chapter and it seemed like that Shimamura was quite infatuated with that Adachi lol. She stares at Adachi, pays attention to the warmth of her hands, and wants to be "not boring" to Adachi. It's very cute. It's been a while since I've read those first chapters, so I might give them a reread to see how the character's compare to themselves in an AU where Adachi never changed.

Okay, but seriously ... why are hands more lewd than actual sex? I see handholding I blush and become flustered way more than a sordid make out session between the characters. Just ... hands ... why are they so lewd????

I screamed so much while reading this oh my god! Shimamura hugging Adachi! Adachi stripping in front of Shimamura to show off her swimsuit! The bath scene!!!! The multiple confessions, and Shimamura's acceptance lmfao. "Sure, why not." Is the most Shimamura thing ever and I will never get over it. But they're dating now!

Also chapter 5.5 was actually really sweet and idk how to feel about that when compared to the rest of the manga lol

Each chapter escalates in a way that is so terrifying and exciting! I feel real bad for Hina though. She seems to really like Ai and because of that she tolerates her twisted "affection," but it's quite clear to me that she isn't actually a masochist and that she doesn't enjoy the ... "games" like Ai does. And Ai is just,,,, oof .... piercings are a huge squeak for me and that chapter genuinely had my heart racing and then in the next she straight up chokes her and holds her out a window to get her to piss in fear??? Fucking wow. I'm really enjoying this manga and I am terrified to see how it continues to go. I won't be surprised if the manga takes a dark turn and ends with Ai pushing Hina too far and resulting in a permanent injury.

What's it say about me that I find this to be extremely hot? Just oof, this fucked up and creepy relationship is just everything I've ever wanted out of a yuri series. I mean, I never was into puking and never imagined that anything like that could be attractive to me,,, but the level of control and domination is just so good .... This manga is so unnerving and creepy, so it's perfect for me lol.

last edited at Apr 5, 2020 12:46PM

Just write.

That might seem like half-assed advice, but really that's all you need to do. Find an idea or something you want to play around with and start writing. A lot of writers, especially new writers, get caught up in the planning stages and end up never writing.

I reccomend writing now and making stories later. Take up some fun short writing exercises (100+ words), such as describing the weather in interesting ways, etc. Short writing exercises are a great way to improve your writing and develop your style.

You shouldn't just write what you want published, or write your final project. You should write like an artist sketches.

As for actual story development, that mostly depends on the kind of story you want to write. I suggest looking at genres and themes to start with and use those to craft your setting and characters, and through them you can develop a plot.

But there really isn't a perfect formula for writing stories, it's an art so the journey each writier takes is different.

Over all, I recommend you focus on improving your writing skills through practice daily (or whenever you can) writing sketches. And find a story you want to write and develop characters, setting, and a basic plot for that story.

Don't get too hung up on details in early stages. Just have fun and write, and worry about editing and perfecting your writing after the first draft is finished.