Sigh

I'll make this quick. Please excuse my disgustingly personal and subjective contribution.

My first love was (is?) a girl I met three years ago. In my case I'm both Fleur and the bride of this story: Fleur for obvious reasons and the bride because, alike her, I am completely restricted from even mentioning the prospect of loving a woman. Even so, I did with this one girl, and after 2 years she managed to pick up on it—struggle included—and I decided it'd be better to just let her know directly. Her reply was that she had felt the same for a long while and asked what I'd wanna do about it. I'm not allowed to (and I don't wanna discuss why I refuse to rise an opposition) so I just dodged the question and kept it as that. We spoke of it again and it was all pretty good; I was beyond this world with that confession. Now, the reason I'd be like Fleur is because exactly two days after all that she got herself a boyfriend, completely ignoring what we'd said. It was like getting slapped with a spiked glove placed on and honestly...I was really angry, because I was the first she looked for to give the news, and she was so, so happy. I felt horrible.

In a sense I think what Elle did was much better to swallow than what this girl did.
Had she told me AFTER getting her boyfriend I'm pretty sure I would have settled with the fact that "it's all good and done," and there was nothing to do there for myself. But she told me before, without a single hint of what was to come only two days later. To this day she insists I hold such a place in her thoughts as her boyfriend does, but all it does is make me wonder whyyyy she had to claim it was mutual in the first place, and why I refuse to let her go. I guess it's kinda like seeing Elle drag Fleur along to her wedding stuff fully aware of how she feels about her; this girl does the same, only she adds that extra topping of "I love you" every now and then.

Elle probably shouldn't have kissed Fleur, but it's kind of a relief for her as well. The groom got the worst end of the stick, duh, but as for the girls, I think it was an okay way to patch things up. Elle got it out of her chest and goes on her married life, and Fleur is left with the gratification that Elle was aware, that it was returned, and learns the reason why nothing did or could have ever come out of them as a couple. Elle married and if her reason wasn't enough to hold Fleur down from trying then what more than a wedding? That's the epitome of NOPE. The only option left is to move on for both parties.

P.S. This wasn't short at all.

last edited at Jun 6, 2015 11:01PM