I want to be sympathetic, but this just reminds me too much of my own mom and my own family. She constantly says she just wants me to be happy, but really she wants me to be happy in a way that she can accept. The amount of queerphobic, homophobic, transphobic, shit my family will say so casually and expect me to not to take it personally because they love me and want the best for me makes the entire statement null. 
had an argument over thanksgiving with mine. my dad insisted that he loved me, and I would've scoffed if i wasn't in tears. how can someone deny every trait of a person and still love them? i don't doubt he loves a child of his with my deadname, but I have no idea who that child is,  and I certainly haven't been them for a long time