I have always wondered something, is queer people calling each other "fags" and "dykes" equivalent to black men calling each other the n-word?
That came outta nowhere.
Well the idea is that if you use the slurs yourself they lose power over you. The problem is that instead you make them your personal terminology and still perceive it as an insult if used by an outsider. It's kind of pointless.
They are just words. Saying nigger doesn't make you racist and saying dyke doesn't make you homophobe.
If either of those are used in a derogatory fashion then they do, because how you use words actually matters. Context too,. Reclaiming those traditionally-derogatory words is the business of people they apply to, not others. So they're perfectly fine in the "in-group" but heavily discouraged in the "out-group" that doesn't include them.
I, a white person, am not in a position to reclaim the n-word and should therefore not be slinging it around. It's not for me, and claiming that it is, is in effect a racist act. The effect is the same whether I mean it badly or not.
In more practical terms, I'm going to call for not saying the n-word or variants in these forums regardless.It is not in any way an appropriate venue for it.