Tonoki Sun : "I'm stuck in the corner. Rose is about to kill the priest, which will break Benika's heart, and ruin everything. How do I stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life".
"If I can't find a way out of this, I've have to scap this whole scene, and go back to the old story board. And I'll never make my deadline".

Sun's assistant: "sir I don't have any ideas ei..."

[cell phone rings]

Sun's assistant: "sorry sir I know I promised to shut this off while we're working, but it might be important, so I'm just going to get that".

Sun's assistant into phone: "Hello".

[indistinct talking]

Sun's assistant into phone: "So what's up"?

[long period of indistinct talking]

Sun's assistant into phone: "So you just read an article, in a writing magazine, about having the main character improbably overhear one half of a phone conversation as a convenient way for the mc to get important information just in the nick of time"?

Tonoki Sun: "I just got a great idea. Get off the phone, and let's get to work. And this time shut the damned thing off".

Sun's assistant Into phone: "Look I've got to go. Later".

[indistinct talking]

[call ends]

Edited for clarity.

last edited at May 16, 2023 1:06AM

Okay I know Hiroko's density is approaching neutron star levels, but Ayaka is being pretty dense too. It's obvious that Ayaka's feminine charms are having an effect on Hiroko, but she is stoically putting up a fight to resist the.
Ayaka should realize it's time to change tactics. Instead of using the direct approach. Ayaka can play it cool. Maybe she could start a little "girl talk" and work in a story about how her last girlfriend dumped her for guy or something just to show Hiroko, they are playing for the same team.

I don't know why, but lolicons like these are easier to take if writen by a woman.

Here's a deep cut reference for you.

Now I know you won't refuse
Because we've got so much to do
And you got nothing more to lose
So take this number and welcome
To Operation Mindcrime
We're an undergrond revolution working overtime.

Points to anyone who gets the reference

Queensryche

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
This story reminds me of the Operation Mindcrime album. Especially the part where the hitman is ordered to kill the priest and the nun he is in love wirh.

Here's a deep cut reference for you.

Now I know you won't refuse
Because we've got so much to do
And you got nothing more to lose
So take this number and welcome
To Operation Mindcrime
We're an undergrond revolution working overtime.

Points to anyone who gets the reference

Seriously!?!?!? This shtick is getting really old really quick! The joke was more frustrating than funny to begin with. Now it is quickly rising to the level of Infuriating. I hope the author either wraps this up in a chapter or two, or moves on to a new gag.

Catholic priests are suppose to be celibate That means dear old dad joined the priesthood later in life, after he had her. Wouldn't be crazy if the priest had a dark past he was trying to atone for as well.

It's like the author said to their publisher, "I have a great idea for a manga. I'm going to take the gag side plot from a harem romance series, and make it the whole story. I can get 33+ chapters out of it easily, and the one joke will NEVER get old".
Well at least we had some serious forward movement in the yuri love story this chapter. But if the author holds true to form, they're going to either ignore that it ever happened, or reboot the series AGAIN.

Edit: Slight change for clarity.

I respectfully rescind the criticism shown above.

NO FAIR! Why does DumShork get to do quotes in the art comment section and the rest of us don't?

It's like the author said to their publisher, "I have a great idea for a manga. I'm going to take the gag plot from a harem romance series, and make it the whole story. I can get 33+ chapters out of it easily, and the one joke will NEVER get old".

You gotta admit . . . if so, they weren't wrong.
But given the web-and-then-magazine thing, presumably it was more like a publisher noticing them DEMONSTRATE this, and then said "Hey, how'd you like to prove that theory a bit further, for some actual money?"

Oh it got old pretty darn quick. At least for me. Basically I'm just continuing to read the series because I keep hoping it will move on to the actual romance portion of the series.
The end of this chapter made me cautiously optimistic. But this series has let me down more than once.

last edited at Apr 10, 2023 9:46PM

It's like the author said to their publisher, "I have a great idea for a manga. I'm going to take the gag side plot from a harem romance series, and make it the whole story. I can get 33+ chapters out of it easily, and the one joke will NEVER get old".
Well at least we had some serious forward movement in the yuri love story this chapter. But if the author holds true to form, they're going to either ignore that it ever happened, or reboot the series AGAIN.

Edit: Slight change for clarity.

last edited at Apr 10, 2023 9:29PM

Is an adult having sexual relations with a minor really that tame and vanilla of a taboo, though?
Don't get me wrong. I'm okay with Adult / teen-ager fiction but, I can see why people would find a problem with it. Maybe we should all stop opinion shaming people who post things we don't agree with.

Despite me being a big yuri fan, I'm a bigger fan of the main character's awkward comedic sidekick getting the girl. So I'm on team KiRon all of the way. What can I say, I love rooting for the underdog.

last edited at Apr 9, 2023 12:07AM

I' might be going out on a limb here, but I don't think the bullying flirting combo will catch on as pick up technique.

I always felt deep intimate friendship + sexual desire = romantic love. I've been "yelled at" several times, for that belief, in the story comment sections. However I honestly can't think of any other way to define it.

I will say, sexual desire isn’t necessary for romantic love and romantic love isn’t necessary to feel sexual desire for someone. They are separate things and while they are often intertwined that is not always the case.

Then define romantic love. How is it different from platonic love? Say the love for a close friend, or a family member.

Defining love in general is pretty hard. But a parent for example isn't going to have the same feelings towards their children that they have towards their best friend. And claiming that romantic love is just platonic love + sexual desire means that friends with benefits are automatically in a romantic relationship. Even if they've never been on dates and just meet up whenever they feel like it. Following that logic all those butterflies in the stomach that people like to mention in regards to falling in love are in that case only a sign of the person being horny. Because most people don't experience this sensation when with their friends and we've established that the only difference between friend and crush is sex, right? And what do we do with the fact that people in love can get pretty jealous? Most people don't get that jealous over their friends, so is that also just a sign of being horny?

I disagree with most of your conclusions. And i think sexual desire is deeper and more complicated than mearly being "horny". But your point about the butterflies makes me think. What are the butterflies? Are they just nervous excitement mixed with love and desire? Or are they really the answer to my question about romantic love without sexual desire.

I believe this is the part of the sitcom where the audience goes WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I always felt deep intimate friendship + sexual desire = romantic love. I've been "yelled at" several times, for that belief, in the story comment sections. However I honestly can't think of any other way to define it.

I will say, sexual desire isn’t necessary for romantic love and romantic love isn’t necessary to feel sexual desire for someone. They are separate things and while they are often intertwined that is not always the case.

Then define romantic love. How is it different from platonic love? Say the love for a close friend, or a family member.

I always felt deep intimate friendship + sexual desire = romantic love. I've been "yelled at" several times, for that belief, in the story comment sections. However I honestly can't think of any other way to define it.

Remind me to take a hard pass on any comedy ZeroTheYuriLover recommends to me.

I just looked up Iwami Kiyoko on Baka-Updates and the image on her info page is hella disturbing. I'm talking right out of a horror movie.

Meh. It was okay. The implicit yuri needed to be way more explicit for my taste.

By that little blurb on the top of pg 5, I thought it was going to be more about Shion and Uta's families trying to convince then that their love was just a mistake of youth. Kind of like a yuri version of that song "I Think We're Alone Now". Honestly I think that story would have been a much better read.

Well I'm not sure the author was going for a strong emotional response here. Like you said It was hastily done. You don't get to know the characters well enough to really get invested in them. I think the author was going for a simple "dick move cheater girl" or a "well that sucks" Kind of reaction.

Maybe that's the kind of reaction the author was going for over a sad one, either way none of those possibilities clicked with me personally. I thought afterwards only how it'd be nice to get a happier sequel, and one that handles the subjects better.

To me, it didn't feel rushed, or like something was missing. It just felt generic. As if the author used archetypes of characters, instead of actual characters. Almost like the story was a visual outline, or a proof of concept for a bigger story the author has kicking around in their head.
Or maybe the author just hasn't learned how to write fleshed out characters yet. Who knows.

I don't know why you would blame the author. Lack of communication does happen in real life.
I've seen tragic lack of communication before. A friend of mine started hooking up with one of their exes. They thought of it as friends with benefits. The ex took it as they were back together. It ended in tears and screaming. All it would have taken was one single honest conversation about what the change meant for their relationship to avoid it all. Not exactly the same but the same basic concept.

I know miscommunication and lack of communication happens in real life. I'm blaming the author here because that aspect of the story feels poorly handled and written here to me. Due to that I don't feel the sad emotion that the author wants me to feel. If you disagree with me and the author's delivery worked for you, that's good and I'm glad that the story works better for you than it does me.

Well I'm not sure the author was going for a strong emotional response here. Like you said It was hastily done. You don't get to know the characters well enough to really get invested in them. I think the author was going for a simple "dick move cheater girl" or a "well that sucks" Kind of reaction.

I absolutely love that lady stuck in the stall, at the end. The poor woman was adorable blushing with embarrassment. I wish I had skipped the afterward though. It kind of ruined the story for me.

My main point is that while I know the story is a short I'm taking issue with the author here, because nothing is fleshed out so it can be sad due to the lack of communication. The one woman doesn't say at the start that she wants to have numerous partners, and we don't get the exchange of what happens between them when the other woman finds out about the other partner. She just goes home and cries, there's no actual conversation between them shown or trying to work out the situation. We're just told to be sad because she's heart broken.

How can I be sad when neither character actually communicates anything and the entire situation feels hastily rigged by the author in an attempt to make the audience sad? I'm often pretty or even very forgiving of short stories, it's just something like this wants me to feel sad about the situation, when the whole thing doesn't really make sense in my opinion. That said, I'd love a sequel where they both find happiness and actually communicate with whoever their partner(s) is in the future.

I don't know why you would blame the author. Lack of communication does happen in real life.
I've seen tragic lack of communication before. A friend of mine started hooking up with one of their exes. They thought of it as friends with benefits. The ex took it as they were back together. It ended in tears and screaming. All it would have taken was one single honest conversation about what the change meant for their relationship to avoid it all. Not exactly the same but the same basic concept.

last edited at Mar 4, 2023 4:51PM