Yuri Girl 1001 posted:
The first 10 pages were ultra adorable. First time skip made no sense whatsoever. Author honestly should either skip it or put more thought into it/flesh it out better cos it only ended up as a mess that overshadows the great first half.
I had no problem with the time skips; I liked the way the story jumped forward to show how things worked out. This was an extremely cute story. I liked it a lot.
I don't mind time skips, but especially first one made no sense. Ok, so it opens with scene that suggest clearly they are living together for a while now. But MC is looking at photos of kid which she send her before and all have long hair, then she comes back and remove wig. So MC complains why she cut her hair. Wait what? I seriously had to pause to re-read it and try to understand. So from age 5 kid knew clearly that MC likes long hair and even send her exclusively a photos with long hair, but now it is suggested she actually had/at some point cut her hair short, but she purposely wore wig to deceive MC? What? And she says she is doing it for MC, but she removes wig the moment she comes back home, so she is doing it for everyone but MC. So if she knew it would piss MC and would be pain in the first place why she cut her hair? So now after MC got mad (not a first time I assume, if it is first time it is even more stretched then) only now she decided to wear wig at home too? And when it isn't working, feeling guilty she decides to grow her hair again and that somehow leads us into random sex (which is not even shown in full) that only happened cos that supposedly makes hair grown faster. My guess is because we reached 3/4 length of doujin and that is where sex scene usually happens. Next time skip is actually nice and shows in that 1 page much better how their live looks right now, but after the clusterfuck of previous one, I spend way too much time trying to make any sense of, I couldn't really get into it anymore.
Like, I get it that it is supposed to charming. Them bickering as a couple. But it really made no sense and felt more like author had some ideas how they life could look after time skip and just crammed it together in few pages, but didn't actually think through if it would make sense for characters to act like that. To me their interaction just contradicted each other. They feel like just random stuff that clashes with one another and things just happen so it can lead to implied sex cos that is how 3/4 part of doujin is supposed to go. First 10 pages were great cos they felt genuine and flow nice. After time skip it is no longer genuine, flow is terrible and it more feels like by the numbers, what doujins should have. And even thought I don't mind second time skip, it entirely focuses on the whole "growing hair again" part so its potential felt a bit wasted, maybe if that was the first and only time skip instead and all pages were used on it, I'd like it much better. Author (I think) had no limitation about pages, but I guess she decided to go for 16 as it is standard number for short one shot, but if so, she really should have put more thought into it if she was limiting herself like that.
"That reminds me of when we first met. You had such long hair, so you were naughty from young age" I was totally sure she was going to say it ;x What a wasted opportunity for a joke.
Yeah, that interaction after the time skip was weird as hell. It was like we missed some pages or something.
