For me, it's not about the rapey stuff. It's that in ABO-verse, alpha women have dicks and can (usually) be masculine without repercussions. For me as an nb butch, that's actually hitting my gender euphoria. I read a lot of f/f ABO (and g!p) and it's really the only time I've felt like I've seen myself in fiction.
In ABO, it feels like that's not what it is, that it can be the protective, nurturing, soft parts of masculinity without being divorced from the rough and powerful (the sex).
This 100%. F/F ABO, at least in my experience, is a lot more flexible about the dynamics between the Alpha and Omega than het ABO seems to be. Masculinity and femininity as they are in our society take less overt roles and are replaced by the secondary gender characteristics instead, which can feel really supportive especially when it comes to G!P stuff.
What I actually meant, is that ABO gives an option for story beatts that in real world we these days recogninse as super problematic, but still many find titilating- see 90% of romance novels. It gives charactesr a pass for being drama queens (I'm in rut! I'm not thinking rationally!), possesive (I'm your alpha/beta), and also fulfills the promise of forever-partners (I believe that's what marking is, though not sure, I only know omegaverse from ocasional manga/manhua/manhwa).
This is definitely true for all kinds of ABO, but a lot of the drama related to being an Alpha or an Omega can come with a lot of self-doubt and introspection about those roles, how the characters expect themselves or others to behave because of their roles, stuff like that. But you find that more in written fics probably than mangas etc.