Hi, Rika_Senpai! (^_^)/

Don't worry about your investigation skills just yet ;)
It's only been here for about two months...

Anyway, welcome to Zombieland! ^^

@ Old Fart

^_^ b
Perfect! ^^
But I'd have to buy that thing first!
Last time I've been to a sex shop they didn't have any of that size ;)

Edit: Her curtains are lovely by the way!
They're all I can look at!

last edited at Aug 11, 2016 7:02PM

@ Blackkitty

If that's what you desire (¬‿¬)

I'm pulling a CCL here:
Overcome-ness can be overcome as well! ^^
I really don't know what's wrong with me... But something clearly is. There's some kind of blockade in me that I just can't seem to bypass...

I wanna try real Japanese ramen at least once!
I know I don't care about eating much, but that I'd love to do ^^
You can do that! Try to stuff me into an envelope ;P

She's scared of everything!!! My dog is worse than me! (^__^) No kidding!

@ Z. Long

That's a great idea! (^_^)
Maybe I should do that too!
But it won't work on them anymore since it's always the same woman showing up with some random mute sidekick ^^

@ ChocolateCakeLover

See? That's what I meant! You're hilarious! (^_^)b
That's what I love about you!

What's Helix anyway? ^^ The TV show?

I wish I had the power to convert them!
But the talking one really seems happy – if I managed to convert her, she'd probably get depressed ;)

Maybe I should try hitting on her ^^ I'm sure she'd never show up again after that (^_^)b

But it sounds like you really wanna be when you say you wish ^^
So there must be some urge deep down ;P
I like the perversions of others :) Always really fascinating...

I really love the thought that everything happens for a reason...
Like that, me falling at life, wouldn't be in vain ^^
But I just can't believe in that somehow...

I never was brave – probably never will be... so... we'll see...
You wanna go to Japan as well?
What would you like to do there?

Can't really avoid those folks here... I live in a fucking huge apartment tower... Everyone trying to sell or collect something comes here... T_T
Really annoying...

Hah! Right... you had the same problem! You were too honest at your interview...
So at least I'm not alone...^^

I can be, yes ^^ Unbelievable, right? ;)
But I usually need a reason to be like that.
And I can't stand lying either...

When I was a little younger, there was one of those solicitors at our door and I was of legal age already but I still told him that my parents weren't home hoping he would just leave and then he asked me how old I was... I just couldn't lie somehow... had to put up with him for a little while longer... (^_^")
Should have told him I was 7 instead ^^
I'm too honest sometimes...

Do any of you guys know those “Jehovah's Witnesses” folks...?

I'm starting to believe that they're really after me. Every time they make their round in my area they always come back to me... No matter how many times I tell them that I don't plan to join...
One of the ladies – the one doing the talking - is so nice and sweet that I just can't manage to tell her to please fuck off already. So I'm being polite but it's really not working... HELP! ^^”

I can be pretty nasty when someone gets insolent but I can't be like that when someone seems genuinely nice... T_T

@ ChocolateCakeLover

Not really what I'm expecting ^^
So I'll definitely go and see for myself! (^_-)v

And I'm really sorry! But it seems like the performance art I posted totally scared Galich away for good ;)

@ Rina

You totally have a knack for sandtraps, admit it! ;)

last edited at Aug 11, 2016 4:25PM

@ Galich

It was a stupid idea, of course – like all of my ideas ^^

I was thinking of something like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpFzekXER_I
With a different theme though – that one is really serious. Too serious for our cause.
But it's all there a story, the music, weird performances, the background decorations almost everything I was talking about ;)

(To be honest, I always found most performance art to be quite weird. Not bad, just really something else most of the time...)

Of course, we could also go with something like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQ
(^_-)v

Stuff like that is actually pretty interesting – but still, something else entirely:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gYBXRwsDjY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irk-Se5MOQw

@ Blackkitty

Ah... me and my health... those two just don't go together so well sometimes...

What do you mean, you wish? ^^
Sounds like some serious fantasies there! Now I'd like to take a peek ;P
Enjoying the beauty in life is a great idea... no matter the form...

I don't know why, I'm just always looking for answers.
My big search for meaning was in my teenage years. Questioning everything, all the time.
All of life on this planet being just a coincidence wasn't really a satisfying answer to me. But like I said, in the end it probably wouldn't matter anyway...
You never had any thoughts like that?

@ Neko chan

It's a shame I never took the chance to visit Japan... Probably could have, if I really wanted to. But I'm always too shy for things like that. I need someone to join me for adventures ;)

You never know! ^^
This might be your chance for a hot and steamy vacation romance...
But it'll probably be hard to get a chance to really talk to them privately...
Anyway, I'm on your side here, so good luck! (◦’ںˉ◦)b

@ ChocolateCakeLover

(^_^)
I'm looking forward to that!

Oh, I'm going too as soon as it's on here in Germany.
How did you like it? Is it worth watching...?

@ Blackkitty

Regarding that performance art thingy:

I don't know what that was all about ^^
Ask my sleep-deprived self from last night ;)
Because the sleep-deprived me from this very moment can't tell... o_O

I just liked how Old Fart backed up some posts with a picture or a video without really saying much. Seemed kinda fun and I thought that maybe we had the real potential for a great performance there ^^ Something really abstract! (°_-)

Wall post coming! (Maybe I should start answering people post by post... not just all in one...?)

@ Miki

With me, people usually are surprised. That's the only fun thing about it ^^
That weird face they make ;)
I like telling them whenever they don't talk positive about homosexuals. Watching them try to right their wrong is quite fun mostly. (^_-)v

@ Utoptia

I'm kinda too embarrassed to really read everything I wrote last night again.
But basically what I couldn't stand about life was the fact that no one ever tells us what it's all about. What all the effort is for... That's what really bugged me.
Of course everyone can always find an answer for their own life but I wanted the universal truth ^^
Nowadays, I don't really think about it anymore. Because even if we would get an answer; what if we wouldn't like it? It still wouldn't satisfy us. So now I'm just trying to make the best out of a situation and try to be happy as much as I can.

When I was younger I had a lot of goals in life but seeing how they just didn't seem to work out, my only goal left if to be happy – or at least to be content – most of the time.
That's something you can work towards every day. Works quite well for me so far ^^

And you do have a hobby – yuri! That's one thing at least ;)
Oh, and watching anime as well...

I used to always think that I wasn't capable to love. Until I fell in love for the first time. Big fail but I never had to ask myself that question ever again (^_-)b
I know it's not the same as not believing in love but maybe you'll find a girl who'll teach you otherwise someday... ^^

@ Neko chan

I don't see a problem with that! ^^
But maybe you were just into the person that held your hand and not into the cross-dressing thing in general. That's also possible...
But reading your posts you sure seem to love maid cafés... ;)

@ ChocolateCakeLover

I meant to say your refreshing and intellectual challenging comments, of course (◦’ںˉ◦)

What have you been up to lately?
Did someone force you to leave the house again? ;)

@ Galich

Every person is different, of course. For me luckily it just was a phase.
I wouldn't be able to live my whole life like that.
I don't know your family so I can't tell but with most people it usually does get a little better as they get older. You just have to find your own way.
Even my friend who's been suffering from depression and panic attacks for more than 10 years stopped being only all negative after some time.

I think I was talking about me being nihilistic, not you... not sure anymore... wrote way too much ^^

That messed up sleep really isn't right. I'm the same – total mess – even without any meds. We need to fix that... It really doesn't make life any better...
But it's been a long time since I last slept for 10 hours straight... T_T

@ Blackkitty

Trust me, your health is more important than staying up all night!
I should have gone to bed at two o'clock as well... but I stayed up till 4:30 and today I feel like shit again... T_T
Not good...

You're such a naughty girl, I knew it!
All of those flowers... they're just a disguise to deceive people! ^^

I'll take you up on that offer for sure! Thanks!

Transparent is not really a lesbian TV show – though there are some in there as well – but I still liked it very much. It's very human. ^^
Although so many gay, bi-curious and transgender people in just one family might be a bit much ;)

last edited at Aug 10, 2016 9:43AM

@ EkichoSHIFT

And still you managed to do just that: You said something ;)

Welcome to the club of sleepless and motivation-lacking peeps ^^

@ Miki

I have a sister. And when we were kids she always used to play that “game” where she would shout “That's me!” at the screen when watching TV. Meaning that she wanted to be that person. They were always girls. And she even claimed them, like first one to call it, gets it ^^ So I felt pressured to play that game with her or all the good characters would have been gone in an instant ;)
Except... I never thought “I wanna be like her”; my train of thought was always something along the lines of “I'd like to be with her” (^_-)
I guess that was when I first noticed I was different :)

I also always hated the word “lesbian”... just doesn't sound nice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbly3torM8o
You can skip the song and go right to 0:42. ^^

So you're out to your parents as well?

@ Z. Long

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! Must be tough sometimes when there's no way around it...
I'm not afraid of needles but I don't like thinking about it. I always think that I would never be able to give myself an injection with a needle. Don't think I could do that. But I don't mind it when someone else does it, luckily ^^

That's a really lovely quote! Thanks for sharing it!
As much as I like being alone, I'd be nothing without my family. And I wanna cherish those feelings.... But Galich doesn't understand that ;P (I'm sorry, we just have this little teasing going on..) As a teen I was okay with living in a nihilistic world. But the older I get the more I look for something to hold on to. Especially since it all just seems so fragile...

It's been a while since I watched that movie (PMMM Rebellion) but as far as I remember I didn't like the first half. But it got better later on. There were some good scenes. I'd have to watch it again to be more specific. But I clearly remember disliking the beginning. ^^

(^_^)
Really now... almost all of us here seem to have some problems with sleep. :)
Can't be a coincidence, right?

@ Utoptia

Thank you for your honest reply!
I really appreciate that.
It's always interesting to read about different perspectives...

And men are not crude beings! (Although some might be ;) )
But I love men. I just don't wanna make love to them ^^
However, my best friends were all guys.

It's not fucked up. I can relate to it as well – so it can't be fucked up ^^
There was a time when I really hated life – the whole concept of living. All of us hustling and bustling every day to maintain a life while not even understanding the deeper meaning behind it all. And even worse, producing little versions of ourselves to carry on..
So I know where you're coming from.
And being gay was just kinda like shouting „Gotcha bitch! I'm not gonna be a part of that cycle! Screw all that!“ I had a rebellious mind back then... (^_-)b

You take care of the porn part because of the shows you mentioned on the last page – the best anime ever ;P

@ spacepowers

That's okay, we don't always need to have answers to all questions ^^
But thanks for joining in! ;)

Reading your post just now made me remember something. Being gay and in a relationship you get that question a lot: „Who's the man and who's the woman?“
I really hate that question...
'cause following the logic behind it, even in a lot of heterosexual relationships, the man would sometimes be the „woman“ and the other way around. ^^
Why can't people see that? It's more complex than just that...

@ Old Fart

You're perfect for underlining what we said with pictures and videos!
Maybe we should do some performance art ;)
We should team up, I do the music, you take care of the pictures and the background! ^^
Galich and Miki can provide the story, Blackkitty can arrange some flowers and Utopia takes care of the porn part ;)

@ Miki

It does make sense, no worries.
I made a joke earlier that I'm all for depressing stories but the truth is, I like both. (Well... as a matter of fact as long as it's good I like a lot of things ;) )
We have it pretty good nowadays – yuri-wise – because back in the day almost all gay stories ended with death or tragedy. And that's why I can understand that some people don't like it at all.
I want my life to be happy and fluffy and light-hearted as well!
It's just with art I really love both. And you also learn to appreciate the happy stories a little more after reading some very sad ones and the other way around; 'cause sometimes life is just cruel. So why not reflect that in a story...?

@ Utopia

That bitter and unpleasant feeling is the whole point of those stories, I guess ^^
Some art is meant to be disturbing and to mirror the cruelty of life.

I always find it interesting when heterosexual men like yuri.
Do you mind me asking what it is that you like about it?
The innocence? The purity, as some say?

You're right, 5 Centimeters per Second is a movie.
I cried really hard at the end the first time I watched it. 'cause it really reflected my feelings back then ^^

Somehow I'm glad that I don't know most of these... ^_^

Anime I hate the most... hmmm... it's always a matter of taste, I guess... But I was extremely disappointed by Speed Grapher, not yuri, but still... I also expected a lot more of Sword Art Online. Can't find the charm of that one at all... I'm only talking about shows I finished watching and still didn't like... Akuma no Riddle, is a yuri example of that.

@ Blackkitty

I'd definitely watch snooker!
Admit it, you just like to see hot women getting sweaty... (◦’ںˉ◦)

Exactly!
Well, it's usually old people giving potted flowers as a present ^^
So maybe when you get a little older, you will receive some ;)
Just give it some time... (^_-)v

You think you're weird? Look at that wall post and my experiment up there! You can't out-weird me ^^
It's another one of those sleep-deprived things I'll probably regret sooner or later, but whatever! :)

It's perfect to love cleaning! Could it get any better than that?
Makes life so much easier!
I don't really love it. But I don't mind it most of the time. What bothers me about it is that it practically never ends... There's always something that needs to be cleaned or tidied...

Then we need to talk more. 'cause there are still some things I'd like to figure out. Maybe you can help me ;)

Awww... how can anyone not like Arakawa??? It's soo fucking stupid that it gets really good again.
I love that show! So something must be really off about me and my tastes... T_T

To make my post a little shorter:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transparent_(TV_series)

Oh, I will! (^_-)

@ Utoptia

PMMM really is a masterpiece! Even if I tried to find something to criticize about it I wouldn't be able to... It's perfect as is.
Just like Garden of Sinners. Or Eve no Jikan. Or 5 Centimeters per Second. Or Serial Experiments Lain... and the list goes on... ^^ I have too many favorites. Can't really state one.

Oh, I know what you mean! ;) Life without yuri has no meaning at all! ^^

I intend to watch the Steins;Gate movie.
Since I only finished watching the series recently that one is still on my list.
But I already watched the special.

@ Galich

Glad that you didn't feel offended!
I really didn't know whether I should post it or not... o_O

And you don't have to reply to it, really.
(But you can, of course, if you wanna look at it as a challenge ^^)

I just wanted to show you that I really do understand where you're coming from most of the time. I'm not just saying that.
I've been through that as well... (and to repeat myself)... now that I'm kinda past that I'm just looking for a little more meaning ;)

@ Miki

I do too. But a lot of gay people seem to hate it! Especially when there is no happy ending ^^

last edited at Aug 9, 2016 8:03PM

@ Miki

No pressure here! You really don't have to talk about anything that you don't feel like talking about.
So if you ever feel pressured or forced just say so. I'm sure we all understand that some things are too private to discuss in a public thread.

It's great to get absorbed in a show! I do that whenever I get a chance to as well. It's just two things that bother be about it: 1. There aren't too many shows that are able to make you feel that way about them. And 2. I always hate it when they end! ;)

Don't worry about deleting posts. It doesn't bother me. It just makes it kinda hard to answer sometimes ^^

@ Galich

Also getting really tired over here.

But I still wanna try something, I'm sorry! ;)
Using your logic that is ^^

It is true that humans have some more or less “unique” attributes. Like the ability of complex and abstract thinking, complex speech, understanding each others feelings, using tools, being able to walk upright, creating art and so on...

But I don't agree that these attributes would make us special in any way.
Because the moment you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, what is it really that we human beings do? We sleep, we eat, we fuck (to create the next generation to repeat the same meaningless cycle), we die.
Same things animals do.

Of course we have some “unique” attributes. But what do we use them for?
If you look at all of our special attributes then it all just comes down to making life easier and more pleasing for us. All selfish reasons, as complex as they may be. Even the art we make is selfish. We create art because we want to do it. We feel pleasure doing it. We feel pleasure giving others joy. We want to be remembered. We want to leave some traces. All selfish reasons in the end. And what does it change really? 'cause in the end that cycle we all go through is still always just the same. For animals and for the most dangerous animal of all – the human being – alike.

Even if we refuse to create the next generation – decide that we don't wanna have kids – it is still all a meaningless struggle in the end. Just putting an end to it sooner than intended.

So there really is nothing special about human beings at all.
We might be a little more complex. But that's all there is to it.

As much as we like to think we are special, we're not.
We just fight meaningless battles we call life to counter the nothingness that awaits us all.

The only thing that really differentiates us from animals is that we think about it.
And it still doesn't change the outcome. So no meaning there and nothing special about that as well.
But it is the reason we need alcohol, drugs, sex and medication to escape from the still always same truth no one is able to change. ^^

So, in short, we're all like this:
http://i.makeagif.com/media/11-14-2015/29qGdY.gif

(^_-)v
Experiment over!
Please for me! m(_ )m
I just like teasing you!!! I'm not a good person at all... TT
I love you! I really do! And I enjoy your cynicism.

@ Utoptia

I really liked the overall story of Steins;Gate. I liked the darkness and brutality about it and the look of it all.
And that's why I just couldn't appreciate the unnecessary fanservice because it makes the whole thing look a little less serious. And that show was really brutal! ;)
When saying fanserivce I mean things like these:
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/eCakAtnp-Cs/maxresdefault.jpg
Flashing that out fully in that exact angle...

http://i1207.photobucket.com/albums/bb480/Yumekichi11/pictures%204/d580caec.jpg

https://rabujoi.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/sg101.jpg?w=840

That whole nyan nyan stuff. The fact that almost all girls felt attracted to Kyouma at one point. Some just outright saying that they love him. Typical shounen fanservice stuff.
And the always same storyline of the loser saving the world... of course ^^ That one's not fanservice but still...

Totally unnecessary, adding nothing to the story in my opinion.
Of course that's nothing bad. I still liked the show. But it just ruins the overall dark impression a little. Especially when it has so much potential. We have too many cute and kinky shows to please boys. It really wasn't necessary to include all that in Steins;Gate as well. Not trying to talk it down. Just wanted to explain what I meant...

I already watched PMMM a few times. Love the cruelty of the story.
AnoHana is on my watch list. Saw the first episode and really liked it.
Not sure about Angel Beats... maybe I'll give it a try at some point...

Already read those. Oh, and I really like Otsu Hiyori!

Sounds like you're a little masochist, huh? ^^
Always engaging in the things you hate...

Another wall post! I should go to bed now! (^_-)v
I know I'm weird, I'm sorry!

@ Blackkitty

I could never really get into the Olympics... Don't know why.
What about you? Any preferences...?

I love flowers! I just never was a real fan of cut flowers 'cause it's basically about watching them wilt ;) Happens way too fast for me. I like flowers in nature or in pots ^^b

Meditating while making omelettes... That's quite something ^^
But you're right; anything can be meditative, even cleaning... :)

I wish you were right about that one too ;)

I like the unfazed impression he always makes. It's a pity there were only 12 episodes. Hope they make more...
When you're finished watching One Punch Man, you should give Arakawa under the Bridge a try. Please! Just one episode. I'm sure you'd like it! (I'm not really sure why I make this sound so important ;P)

Yesterday I finished watching Transparent Season 2.
You know that show?

“Treat things as special and they become special!”
That's what I'm trying to do here, but Galich won't let me ;)
That's a great philosophy. Maybe you're the real philosopher here ^^

@ Galich

Even enlightenment is just a feeling in the end, you know... ;)

Agreed, but that is not connected to the meaningfulness I was talking about in any way.

I know you really like to debate, however, I don't really see any room or reason for that here. I fully comprehend how the human body works. All I wanted to express was my wish for something deeper in life. I'm a lot like you, in fact. In real life I always boil things down to the essence and start from there. I always go with reason and logic. I'm a realist. Human beings are nothing special at all.
The only think that I can't stop doing is wishing for something more.
Something more meaningful in this case... ^^
That's all I was trying to say.

@ Miki

Welcome to the club of the sleep-deprived! (^_-)v

last edited at Aug 9, 2016 5:01PM

@ ChocolateCakeLover

Don't do that to me!
Your cute little remarks always made me laugh! ^^

But since you like drama maybe I should pretend that I was really annoyed by them... Would that help a little...?

@ Galich

Well... maybe some people enjoy talking to themselves online... you never know ^^

I hope so.

Like I said, it's great that pills like that exist.
It's just... well, you know, I always look for a deeper meaning behind things – we talked about stuff like that before ;) - and I know you're more down to earth about it but if you look at the bigger picture... Basically it's human emotions that created the world we know. So you'd expect emotions to be something more inviolable and meaningful. But if it only takes a tiny little pill to change it all in the end, then it really comes all to nought...
I know I'm a romantic ^^ I just want things to be special – even though I know they're not...

@ Galich

I'm back! ;)

I believe you. The thread I started posting in also had some people with the same idea about some posters being one and the same person... That was a mess ^^

That's the bad thing about meds; most come with some side effects...
Maybe your body just has to get used to them...
But you should definitely talk to your doctor if you feel like the dose isn't right...

It's great that meds like that exist and I know that some people really need them – not just temporarily like in your case. But I find it kinda depressing that you can change your emotions with just a little pill... That makes our emotions sound so meaningless somehow... Like it's all just nothing... A malfunction in your system... Same thing with sleep. You don't sleep properly for a while and the whole world starts to look so dark and annoying. Then you sleep good for a few days and everything's fine again...
I know how the human system works but I still find it kinda strange sometimes...

@ Utoptia

Oh, so that's why I didn't know it... I'm all for depressing ;)

I watched Steins;Gate recently, after wanting to do so for a loooonng time. It was good but not as good as I expected. Didn't like the fanservice part. ^^

@ Blackkitty

I see we understand each other here ^^b

Awww... you can try to make me shine, you know! ;) I'd like to see that! ^^
I'm just kidding. That's a great and very beautiful hobby!
I used to have a few bonsai trees. Taking care of them was real fun and kinda meditative. I really loved it.

I watched One Punch Man a while ago. That show was great! Nothing really deep but extremely funny! Perfect for a little diversion! ^^b

last edited at Aug 9, 2016 2:58PM

@ Galich

I'm off for a bit, need to do some stuff ^^
You guys just totally stole my time! Now I have to hurry... ;P
I'll be back later on, so please don't feel neglected (^_-)v

@ Blackkitty

That's right! I got myself a low-maintenance haircut as well ^^
Now I just have to blow-dry it to make it look all smooth and silky and I'm good (^_-)b

Oh... don't give up on him!
He has just a little attention deficit... ;P
When I was younger I had those moments as well – where everything just seemed so dramatic ^^
Especially late at night ;)

Uh, so you want me? (♥͡_♥͡)
I'm right here for you, baby! (˘⌣˘)ε˘`)
You can examine this rare specimen all you want, you know ^^

(◕‿-)

@ Galich

Of course I'm happy about it! (ˆ⌣ˆ​)
If you're gone, I'm the only one left doing those wall posts! Not cool! Not cool at all... ;)

Guess you're right. CCL gave up by now. I miss them too..... T_T
COME BACK TO US ALREADY CCL!!!

he he
Yeah, our timing is a little off it seems... ^^

Sounds challenging... so please take care of yourself!

We manage to post at the same moment quite often, don't we ;)

I got a friend with depression who takes a lot of meds as well, so that's not all new to me.
I received the best mails from him when he was drunk ^^

But still, be careful with your medication cocktails...

If you wanna talk, I'm here. Whenever you need me...

Yeah, totally!!! Attention whore!!! ✌(◕‿-)✌

Just kidding! It's good to see you back!

Hahahah! ^^

And back he is! ;P
Gotcha!

Yeah, sometimes posting stuff late at night and sleep-deprived isn't the smartest idea.
Same with me. Either I get too serious or I can't be serious at all (^_-)

So you wanna go to war with me??? ;)
Can't you see I just outsmarted you?!? (¬‿¬)

Anything you wanna talk about?
I can be appropriately serious as well, you know... (`･ω･´)

Here at my place weather sucks today. All gray and rainy-ish...

And I notice a lot of things, so better be careful ;P