I gotta be perfectly honest, there's a lot in the story that confused me, especially at the beginning. Not going into too much detail, but even by the end of the story I don't know who the people she meets every day are, little if anything about the setting, and not that much about the two girls either. The verbal fencing between them was nice, and the bits at the arcade and apartment flowed pretty well although there were times they seemed to do things unexpectedly.
I didn't have a problem with any of that. I'm not sure if the setting matters all that much, especially considering how it isn't quite a "normal" reality. I expected the train to have a bigger role, but it ended up being just a normal train (which is fine).
The way I see and understand it, there were two girls in a strange world who met on a train, went on a date and discovered they like each other. More information about other characters wouldn't really serve a purpose nor would it be necessary.
The character dynamics were good, the bantering was nice, so if your intention was to built the characters from interactions, you've succeeded. Honestly, I didn't even feel that the names were necessary.
Can't really say much about the art except it looks distinctive and I like your use of blacks
I agree with what flips said. There were some minor spelling and grammatical errors, but I forgot to make notes. May edit this once I re-read.
Bottom line, I liked it and congrats on your first oneshot.
last edited at Jun 4, 2015 1:03AM