Ouch, that wasn’t fun to read. That’s a tough situation. Can understand both perspectives here. Youyan regrets her decision made at a time when she was (probably rightfully) afraid of what coming out would mean for her. A’Xiu, however, was deeply hurt and can’t trust that Youyan will actually want to go all the way this time. Youyan wants to do better, but trust is hard to get back once broken.
Wonder who Fang Shan is and what role she played/will play in the story. Clearly, Youyan has a negative connection with her.