Being a writer I was a bit surprised at the number of words in the chapter but I still should have handled it better.I'm doing a bit more editing on my own, now, so hopefully I can cut down on the verbosity a bit to make it a bit easier to read, too! I really want to be able to do whatever I can to help bring these stories to life and share them with people who will appreciate them! Since I can't read Japanese or Chinese I want to be able to help where I can!
Thank you for your kind words and for not judging me too harshly!

Your enthusiasm is infectious. Feel free to hit me up if you need/want help.

Biggest tip I ever came across during my time as an editor: if you do a good job no one notices.

I will get better and more intuitive at these things! Everyone has been very kind and helpful and I am taking their advice to heart to try to improve the job I do. I'm sorry it was such a distraction. The story really is a very engaging one. I promise!

Hey. Props for taking the criticism well. Every editor's first typeset is rough. Mine was way worse than this. We can feel your passion and enthusiasm for this title, and that's always nice to see.

If you have a QC or more experienced editor, they should've guided or looked over your work. So don't try to beat yourself too down. Typesetting/cleaning is a joint effort between the translator and editor. Not even the most expierenced type setter could've worked well with the length of the dialogue, so someone should've looked over both the edit and the translation.

pg 14 "raising fun" (raising funds)
pg 16 "precausation" (precaution?), "achievment" (achievement)

Those were my fault. If you see any other errors, please let me know. I will correct them.

Although precausation is word-for-word what was given to me so I just left it there.

Platinum...does she have split personality or something?

Three, actually. And one of them is a male.

How does that work, exactly? Don't, uh, worry about it.

I can lift the scans from that other site btw but I'm not sure if they can me made presentable.

Can you send me a link to the scans? I'll see how hard they are to clean. If they're bad quality, i'll scan my books. I can textset the next 2 books no prob.

I can help too. I used to be an editor back in the day. Hit me up if you ever need the help.

Yea but that last line made it seem like she remember Nagato all along. Why else would she call her a liar?

On page 20 Nagato says that she's a bad liar. This could be Nagato saying this because she's a lady killing smoother talker, but even if she was lying I think anybody would be able to tell someone was lying when you were 5 seconds from getting each other naked but the other person suddenly stopped.

Just my perspective anyway. I can definitely see your point, too.

Yeah, what I don't understand is why Mutsu didn't reveal that she was the original? That's what's unnecessary here. But at this point knowing there's a continuation, then I'll wait however long it takes.

Wasn't it stated that she woke up with no memories? So she has no idea that she's the original Mutsu?

Yoori-san, I didnt understand the last chapter. Shoukaku broke off with Houshou because she couldnt take the pain of being cheated on anymore. Houshou turned to Nagato. Mutsu is still sleeping with Nagato, but she is resigned to being cheated on. I guess I got it right until there. But then, the last chapter was really confusing, and I don't know who is with who anymore. I thought all what was going on were memories/flashbacks, but the timeline is still confusing for me. Could you please, if not much trouble, explain it to me?
That aside, I think that the story is so real, and the feelings are so exposed, as if the characters bared themselves. Even Houshou, that confuses everybody, is just plainly clueless, a person that doesn't know what she wants. I really, really liked the story, just would be better if it was wrote in chronologic order.

Sorry about not seeing this question directed at me sooner. Gekkou is my least favorite chapter out of the entire story, and I had already read it on danbooru quite a bit before it was put on here, so I sort of ignored the upload. That being said, I will do my best to answer it now.

The entirety below is spoiler filled, but it's exhausting to read everything in the spoiler tag, so I'm only going to hide the relationship status. Please be aware that the summary that follows belong in there too, I just left it uncovered for ease of view.

Taking all the released chapters (not just the ones uploaded on this site, so spoilers ahead), the present relationship is:

1. Houshou and Shoukaku have broken up
In her sadness, she seeks comfort in Zuikaku quite often. Zuikaku is very torn about this because she finally gets to have Shoukaku all to herself, but without the love she wants. Essentially, Zuikaku is Shoukaku's rebound. However, Shoukaku wants to eventually apologize get back together with Houshou. See: Kodoku, Airen

2.Nagato and Houshou are on better terms, but they are not together.
In Airen (the other Airen, not the Airen Zenpen uploaded here), Nagato shows that she is still going to continue romantically pursuing her and even says the line "Isn't it obvious that [Nagato] is the one Houshou likes?" referencing page 27 in Zanngai where Houshou emotionally declares that she really likes Nagato. I believe Houshou is less torn about Nagato's affections. One complaint she (Houshou) had against Nagato (and made her inch towards Shoukaku) was that she had no idea what Nagato's real intentions were (Gekkou page 11, last panel, and then page 24). The reason being that Nagato was still sleeping around a bit with Mutsu, whereas Shoukaku very clearly stated that all she wanted was Houshou and did not play around with even Zuikaku (ofc Shoukaku later cheats). Somewhere in the timeline Mutsu realizes this and starts pushing Nagato to properly win over Houshou. So then Nagato does just that and properly verbalizes her actual romantic feelings for Houshou. See: Uso, Airen, Kodoku
3. Zuikaku will still not give up.
Uso gives us an interesting view from Zuikaku and actually made her a more enjoyable character for me (in the perspective of this story). She has the simplest views on the angsty love drama between everyone. She still loves Shoukaku because that's just how it is but there's nothing wrong with that. If people love each other, they love each other. If something is wrong, fix it. See: Uso

End of spoilers

---

Now if you are talking about the released chapters you can read on dynasty right at this moment, then Zanngai is the furthest chapter where Shoukaku finally breaks it off with Houshou. If you are talking about the series as a whole, then Airen (remember, not Airen Zenpen) is the most present chapter. The full timeline is something like this:

* edge-> fake -> 1/2 -> Cage -> Tenohira -> Gekkou -> ~Kodoku -> Zanngai -> Uso (Uso literally happens right after Zanngai, making it probably the only directly sequenced chapter. Though it does show the scene where Shoukaku cheats on Houshou as a flashback, something only mentioned in text in Zanngai) -> Airen** -> {Airen Zenpen}
* edge -> Gekkou
* edge -> Airen Zenpen flashbacks -> Cage
* fake -> 1/2 -> fake (later pages) -> Gekkou -> Cage
* Zanngai -> Uso
* Zanngai -> Airen Zenpen flashback (the Zuikaku arguments)

~ Kodoku is the only chapter I am unsure where to place. The first half suggests sometime after Zanngai, but I am unsure if Yamato's confrontation is before of after the one you see in Zanngai. Plus the second half of the story is still untranslated, so I have even less hints to go on, but I'm about 90% sure this is Kodoku's place.

**Airen is a fun chapter because it's showing us additional scenes that add onto the timelines of the past chapters from Houshou's point of view.

{Airen Zenpen} Upon re-reading both Airen Zenpen and Zanngai I've come to the conclusion that Airen Zenpen's actual place in the timeline is sometime after the main storyline, and everything before the last pages where Mutsu is peacefully looking out of the window (at Zuikaku) is a recollection. Combining both Airen Zenpen and Zanngai you have distinct moments where Mutsu first realizes the "shipgirl dilemma", her attempts to fix/address the issue, and calling Zuikaku out on "being happy only when humiliated". She says this in reference to how she is being used as a rebound by Shoukaku. Her line at the end "I, too, can be free, right?" is her questioning whether or not she can make decisions for herself and break away from "implanted feelings" in a similar fashion as to how Nagato made her own decision to love Houshou.

Alternatively, you can group of the chapters from the various points of views:
* Mutsu: Airen Zenpen, some of Gekkou
* Nagato: edge, Cage, Gekkou (page 3 and 4), Zanngai (last pages), Toge
* Houshou: Gekkou (starting page 12), Tenohira, Uso, Airen

* Shoukaku: fake, Zanngai, Gekkou (page 19 onwards), Kodoku (some), Airen,
* Zuikaku: Kodoku (some), Tenohira (page 24 onwards with some of Houshou's thoughts mixed in at the same time), 1/2 (some, but does not have that much narration in general though)

---

So you were actually correct with the current status of Houshou's relationship. It really was just the confusion of where to place Gekkou. I think it's best to view it as a sort of "clarification chapter" where we see things like the consequences of what Zuikaku did to Houshou (the scratch marks you see on her from fake, shown to be made by Zuikaku in Gekkou, scolded by Shoukaku in Gekkou), Mutsu understanding Nagato's feelings (for both her and Houshou, what she narrates on in Airen Zenpen and Gekkou), etc.

tl;dr Gekkou comes before Zanngai. Houshou is a single woman. The relationship status is set to complicated.
even shorter: Everybody loves Houshou.

last edited at Apr 8, 2016 2:22AM

Oh boy. Seems like there's a lot of misunderstanding and a lot of people are confused. If anyone is interested, I'll type out a full explanation with in-quote citations and everything. I'll go full English research essay for you guys. Until then: Mountain of text below:

---

Why are the ships so in heat!? And why does everyone rape Houshou!? Also what's with the bitting fetish, it seems like it's contagious (from Mutsu to Nagato, and from Nagato to Shoukaku)

Are you referring to the scene in fake? Page 29? Here's a very important hint: Shoukaku doesn't actually bite her. She attempts to as she's struggling with her own emotions. The reason for her desire is more subjective. For me, I personally interpreted as her trying to emulate Nagato's lust. This, to me, is evidenced by her monologue saying how they're all 'animals'. Her lust is becoming raw and uncontrollable. However she abstains from actually biting Houshou because that's not how she shows her physical feelings for her. <- this is the conclusion that you end up with no matter how you look at it and is the more important thing to take note of from that scene. Why? Because one of the biggest conflicts in this story is the difference in treatment/love/emotion between Nagato to Houshou and Shoukaku to Houshou.

Also Nagato (and by extension, Mutsu) will bite their lovers because that's just their fetish. There's probably additional reasons for Nagato to bite Houshou, but the important thing really is just that biting people gets them off.

Spoiler alert as to why you think Shoukaku bit Houshou: the bites and scratches from the page before (page 28) are from neither Shoukaku nor Nagato

Even more spoilers if you literally do not care about having an entire chapter spoiled for you: Zuikaku is the one who did it

As I understand, Houshou is the mother-protective type and just wants to give her "sisters" (other ships) comfort, since all her sisters have a determined partner (sister) but she's a useless foreveralone. Ships are always in heat but when they do it with their sisters (the ones they are "supposed" to love) they can get a hold of themselves... but since they're doing it with someone they're not supposed to love their feelings run wild and they can't control themselves. That's why they act like animals in heat? (I didn't think that theory of Houshou being the slut-type but the latter chapter left me the impression, I can't understand how she thinks).

That's an interesting take on it. I'm not going to say that my interpretation is more correct than yours, or that yours is wrong but the evidence in the story, to me at least, points more towards something like the story is very much more about the various ship girls opposing the preprogrammed notion of falling in love with someone. Both edge and fake say how "alive" they felt/what it meant to actually love once they acknowledged their feelings for Houshou vs how they were feeling very dull or sad upon hearing that their sister ship was recovered (especially since it meant that their peaceful time with Houshou will end). Them being unable to control their feelings is actually more of a result of different things for different people. Nagato can't control her feelings for Houshou because she was 'taken' by someone else already despite having loved her for a very long time. So having someone you love snatched away + waiting such a long time to hold in your feelings made them boil over. Shoukaku can't control her feelings primarily because Houshou isn't trying that terribly hard to cease contact with Nagato. Remember, at the start she was fairly gentle with her love and affection. And it sort of evolves into more aggressive actions because... well... How would you feel if you were together with someone and they kept sleeping with someone else? I'm talking about how Houshou keeps going back to Nagato, btw, not how Nagato forced herself onto Houshou the first time.

Also I think not being able to understand Houshou is rather deliberate. And it contributes very strongly to the 'confused' feeling Shoukaku and Nagato have. Houshou has very little monologue throughout the entire series so as a result you just understand less of her. I wouldn't call Houshou a slut (nor would I actually agree with anything that comes out of Zuikaku's mouth in this story), but she's not a completely innocent character at all. Even the author tells us this in the notes for edge (which btw is a fantastic source of evidence for a lot of the themes of the story). As the author puts it, she's the type of person who falls in love easily. You were correct in saying that she's destined to forever be alone (I don't know how much I agree with your statement on providing comfort, though? 'cause I'm not quite sure if you mean comfort as in friendship, or comfort as in a warm body to sleep next to while naked sort of thing) because everyone else has sister ships that they're predestined to fall in love with. Which... is why the point of the story is more about the girls overcoming that. My take, anyway. Houshou is forgiving and kind, so it makes it easy to take advantage of her for various reasons. She lets Zuikaku do it without resistance because she felt bad she took Shoukaku away from her, for example. She falls in love easily because all she wants is a little company. And that's sort of her problem. She does actually love Nagato and Shoukaku. But this isn't a sweet or romantic thing. That's her fault. Nagato's fault is that she can't properly express her love for Houshou and as a result she displays it in an aggressive way even though she wants to treat her well and have their relationship go back to being peaceful and happy like it used to be (like how they acted in fake). Shoukaku... well. read other chapters and find out. Houshou knows this herself, though, and she's seen multiple times saying she's just a lonely person.

I don't get the author's point in this story, the plot is not consistent at all. Did he just want to draw a girl getting raped by numerous people, SM and a lot of H-scenes? I just hope that this is not the case, and he will explain himself in the latter chapters.

I think the story really is more about ship girls overcoming what it means to love and battling the concept of falling in love with your sister ship. And then to add onto that, being unable to express your feelings properly (in the case of Nagato) or slowly turning more and more aggressive because someone you love is essentially cheating on you right in front of you (in the case of Shoukaku). I mean, all the ship girls are adults, except for Zuikaku I guess. It's normal for adult relationships to be... adult. It can feel a little rape-ish at times with Shoukaku, I suppose, because Houshou is sort of unresponsive to her advances and says how she doesn't actually want to sleep with her in her thought panels.

---

But anyway, I hope I properly clarified some of your confusion? I don't actually pay attention to the forums all too often so I can't, nor do i sort of want to, respond to every question from every person who is confused. It just sort of makes me sad to see people dislike the story just because they don't really understand it. It's not without its faults, though. I'll be the first to admit it's really convoluted. It's not really a fluffy story about people falling in love and it's probably not going to have a happy ending, so I guess a lot of people are having a hard time just from those reasons alone. But again, apologies for the huge mountain of text, and if anyone is interested I will write up that essay length spoiler laden summary to explain the story for people who are confused still.

There seems to be a spite of order amongst the chapters, if you just go by the fixed lettering.

"Front" = "Cage" + "Kodoku" + "Airen (Front special)"

"Middle" = "Tenohira" + Zangai"

"Last" = "Gekkou" + "Uso"

"Specials" = "1/2" + "Edge (Prologue)" + "Fake (Prologue)"

"Extra" = "TOGE"

The other half hasn't been translated into English yet.

Yeah, definitely. danbooru has the chapter order listed as Cage, Tenohira, and Gekkou being the main 3 chapters in order (like what you said) and 1/2, edge, and fake being side stories. Which I'm inclined to believe in because the main chapters actually advance the storyline with only minor references to other events that get expanded upon on the extra chapters. Except with Cage having bits and pieces of Gekkou. The additional extra chapters is where it gets super interesting. Zanngai makes more sense once you've read Airen and Airen's scenes interlace with Uso's. Plus Airen has a scene that's a direct result of Kodoku since it's... well, part of the same 'timeline'. Even in order, it skips around a lot, but that's fine. It's a really big complicated mess of fun and interest. Storylines where literally everyone is flawed interest me a great ton.

I had just read the scene on the Kongou's couch in 'TOGE'. I reread it and figure everything that's in voice-over is Nagato's thoughts.

Fun fact: Houshou doesn't actually get that many narrations to herself. Most of the stories are with Nagato, Shoukaku, Zuikaku, or even Mutsu's thoughts. Also, the issue with TOGE is that since it's an extra chapter it has the prerequisite that you understand what Nagato's inner conflict is and Houshou sense of loyalty to Shoukaku. I know it definitely took me until about the 4th story in this series to finally understand what Nagato's deal was. And now whenever I look at her I just feel sad :(

Warning, long wall of text summary below:

I had a hard time following the plot and the author's notes didn't make it any clearer with refering to the prequels as side stories 1-3 instead of the titles. I really don't have the faintest which stories he is referring to. Fake could be side story 1 because Shoukaku knows about Houshou's wounds but it was uploaded last. sighs

At times I also wasn't sure if the thought bubbles were still Nagato's or if they had switched over to Houshou.

For which chapter? The chapters in this story (as in the series as a whole) are all fragments of things that happened in the past and present. Since most of the later chapters have already been translated over at danbooru, I personally read through them all more than twice so I have a pretty good grasp of what's going on now. If you don't understand what's going on I'd be more than happy to explain.

I think it's easiest to understand if we take the setting of Cage as the present (for now). Houshou and Nagato's relationship have already progressed to the stage where Nagato is very forceful with her actions and feelings because she's been in love with her for a very long while but someone else (Shoukaku) 'stole' her. This makes this realization on the battlefield when she sees Houshou struggling but refusing help from her. We'll learn later that it's Shoukaku who nominates Houshou for the flagship position and it's Nagato and Houshou's first time in a while that they saw each other.

Edge is, obviously, a prequel story. From Nagato's point of view we see all the way from the beginning when Nagato first met Houshou and started falling in love with her. Along with the reoccurring theme of the entire story being that all the ship girls are very much conflicted on who to fall in love with. It's evident in Shoukaku's pov 'fake' the best that both Nagato and Shoukaku aren't satisfied falling in love with their sister ships (Mutsu and Zuikaku) just because that's what they're 'supposed' to do. Mutsu in a later chapter that hasn't been uploaded here yet (if you don't mind spoilers) recognizes Nagato's dilemma over this as well and even confronts Zuikaku.

The issue with the story order is that... there sort of isn't one. Cage doesn't make much sense until you read the later stories and the later stories don't make much sense without Cage. They all make references with each other and they all have interlaced references. This is a surprisingly complicated series that I'm enjoying because of how all the characters are being portrayed and apologies for the wall of text. And again, if anyone needs the story explained further I'd be happy to make another wall of text but I think just this explanation is enough to get most people started on understanding the story themselves.

I'll try to explain my thinking, for good or bad.

No, definitely for good. I appreciate that you explained your reasoning. I respect your decision. The sfx are completely optional and I've seen anything between editing every single sfx, and editing none at all. You're also definitely not the first person I've come across who leaves the original Japanese. I would recommend not leaving them, BUT I'm a completely different person and you do what you want to do. Developing your editing skills is always a work in progress. One can never stop improving. Heck, I didn't get to be where I'm at right now without butchering numerous doujins with my messy editing. So I completely respect your decisions, and good luck on your future stuff.

Cheers.

@ Yoori
sorry, my post was very naive and semplicistic

Wah? Nah, don't feel that way. It was a really good question and you got me thinking of the difference between "literal" translations and "bad translations". You bring up a good argument that just because a translation is literal it doesn't necessarily make it bad. It made me realize that just saying "it's too literal" isn't really a good enough answer. We weren't harping on Yuri girl's translation because it was bad, it was just because the people who do recognize the signs of a bad translation were making sure it never walked down that path.

Here, 3 examples of a truly bad literal translation and why no one likes it: http://imgbox.com/acmTyVZ2 (herp derp nsfw ads. Never noticed because of Adblock,my bad)

Those sentences just do NOT make any sense.

Preferably links to mangafox and mangahere and those kinds of sites are not to be displayed, lest we feed them more money. However you can take screenshots or upload the pages themselves somewhere else and plaster them here.

Thanks for letting me know. If it makes you feel any better, I don't use those sites :D

Okay, it's high time I stop hijacking and spamming this thread. I think like 95% of the comments are mine. I have a current translation project that I keep procrastinating on, so off I go to work on it @.@

last edited at Apr 9, 2013 11:58AM

Oh yeah, I also wanted to throw in my $0.02 about this as well:

i'd like to see more literal traslations,
what's the problem in have to think more about the sentences?

since i'm bad with english i had always to think a lot to understand either good and bad traslation

pretty much Mr. Engenious got it right. It can be really confusing if a sentence is translated literally. I don't quite think you're thinking of "literal translation" in the same vein as some of the others are. I would love to show you some examples of where literal translations just completely confuse the heck out of the reader but I have no idea on what the rules are on linking to other gallery sites. One translator I have in mind right now actually gives me headaches because I'm sitting there trying to decipher his "translation".

There's this unspoken rule when it comes to editing: be unnoticeable. Which is to say, do such a good job that no one notices that the page was altered in any way. Redraw that hand so well no one would have known that there was this giant Japanese word on there or slap that texture back on that tree so that people would never be the wiser. I have no idea if this carries over to translating, but the most important thing is that the reading process has to be natural to the viewer. Literal translations don't' do this. It's not having to think more about a sentence that ruffles everyone's feathers about literal translations, it's the fact that you have to sit there and actually try to decipher what that sentence is saying. I'm all for sitting in a circle and trying to pick apart a very profound sentence or giggling at the witty double entendre that had me stumped for a second, but I am not of fan of having to try to understand a sentence in a language I'm fluent in because the translation was of bad quality. Quality. Quality is everything.

One last thing:

...The translation world is so tough than i thought.
At any rate, cheer up, Fly by Yuri. New translator makes Yuri fans happy always.

Nah, not really :P You put out as much as you're willing to put in. Editing is pretty easy. White out text, type in text. Good job, ready to export it. Translating is as tough as translating normally is. Editing is a lot of mechanical hands-on, learn as you go kind of work. I make it sound a lot tougher than it really is.

Oh, this thing is still getting some comments? Well, I guess I'll toss some more of my thoughts in.

First of all, good job on you, Yuri girl, for coming back and applying what you've learned. Unfortunately, as with all learning processes, you took some steps forward and some steps back. I don't know if it bothered anyone else as much as me, but I didn't like your choice for the font face. The dialogue font was passable, but for the "small talk" (the text outside of bubbles that characters say that are just sorta like side remarks) it was a bit hard to read. I really do like how you changed the size of the font, though. I noticed that and it looks much better. However you ran into the problem where your words would be cut off in the middle leading to some awkward reading. Something like that is inevitable, so don't worry too much but be mindful of where words cut off. Like in page 64, the word "disadvantage" is split into "disad-vantage". If there's going to be a cut off, you should try to make it split into something like "dis-advantage". If it doesn't naturally fall like that, then you're going to have to manually do it by pressing space/enter before the word or somewhere else in the text.

But the big thing that bothers me is that I don't understand why you kept some of the original Japanese words when it would've been easy for you to just erase them, especially in some of the pages you do in fact redraw over them. Maybe you passed over them to save time? You did mention you were going to skim over some parts in the re-release so it wouldn't take as long. Not to criticize you or come off sounding "Wow you did everything wrong and this is how you should do it" but ideally, this is what your page should've looked like: http://i.imgur.com/eh2vQON.jpg. The lower left panel and the upper right as easy to redraw as well. Just clearing up even a little makes the page less "busy". I am just a little befuddled as you didn't at least white out some of the big easy ones. You're not bad at redrawing over the textures as evidenced by your later pages (e.g page 66).

Again, I don't want to come off rude and I apologize if I do. I've been told that I can come off naturally condescending when I really don't intend to at all.

The face of true love. http://i.imgur.com/tsadzsF.png

Haha, it's pretty funny, because I didn't have any trouble understanding/even notice that there was anything awkward about the translation on my first reading, maybe because I'm too used to Japanese too. It just made total sense to me. So I just wanted to say that, although you've received a lot of constructive criticism and there is definitely a lot of room to improve, you've already done a lot to deserve appreciation with what you've put out so far.

Well, no. The translation isn't so bad that I can't understand anything at all. While you can tell the translation definitely leans more on the Japanese structure and meaning, I've seen far worse (not to call anyone out, but CGrascal is a serious offender when it comes to terrible literal translations). It isn't so literal that if there needs to be a new revision uploaded RIGHT NOW. It's sorta like... "Hey yeah, that makes perfect sense but that's not how you would normally say it".

Like the first page, for example. "Won't you be late if you don't run?" Makes perfect sense and it's totally fine, but you would normally hear people say something like "Won't you be late if you don't hurry?". Means pretty much the same thing but it just kinda flows out of the mouth more smoothly. And maybe "astronautical observation" to "star gazing". Either is fine, but the latter is better. In fact the only line that really bothered me was on page 3 (the left side of the two page spread) where Momo talks about Mako's math troubles. That was the only line that had me re-read it again to understand it. All this being said, I'm also stupid and don't deal directly with the translating portion when I work on stuff so feel free to ignore everything I said if you disagree.

I thank Yoori for the editing praise, but it took time effort and learning to get to that point, and I have a ways to go yet. For instance, the two page spread was pretty bad on my first redraw. Then, after I had done more and learned more, I went back and redraw it again from the begining. Then still later, I redraw again starting from the second redraw, and of course continued to make small changes for a while. What is posted here is effectively already the forth or fifth revision.

I praise you for the fact that though you have a long way to go, you're already quite far ahead. I've worked with people who've edited many many doujins/manga and they couldn't even do the simpler redraws (textures) let alone do what you've done so yeah I give praise where praise is due. Heck, you're arguably better than me. If there's any knowledge that I want to pass on to newer editors, it's that redrawing is something you will never get right on your first time. There is always something that needs to be redone. Maybe that line you redrew is 1px thicker than the other lines. Maybe that screentone is a tad darker than the others. Maybe you didn't align the dots in a pattern perfectly. A typical redraw (actual redraw of hair/fingers/body/etc.) takes at least 3 layers for me and I'm constantly going back before I send it out as acceptable. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I love going freelance is that I can take as much time with getting the editing just perfect whereas when I worked in a scanlation group, I was getting pressured to turn in subpar edits in under a week due to time constraints. There really isn't a single perfect way to redraw and it's one of the big things I've noticed every editor be different on. Everyone has their own method of redrawing and the fact that you take the time to go back and check on it shows that you care a lot about your work and that's a good thing.It's very normal that I open up the same .psd file at least 3 times to tweak something. My translator has to actually repeatedly convince me that a page looks good before I relent.

So yeah, no worries that you look over your stuff over and over. That's normal. I don't think a single editor ever finishes up a page once and calls it perfect. For fonts, it's really personal presence mixed with how the text in the RAW looks. When in doubt, you can never go wrong with Wild Words though I would much rather see you use other fonts. But it looks like I got gently turned down on getting any contact information :P

Thank you all for the wonderful comments, though of course 99% of the credit goes to Otsu Hiyori.

Just letting you know, after having received some feedback on this, I will probably be doing some revisions and re-posting in a week or two. This was my first effort after all. There should only be minor changes.

Hey there. I really did enjoy this story. I'm kinda in the same boat as everyone else when it comes to stuff by Otsu Hiyori (gotta love all the stories). I'm also and editor-- well, former editor. I've turned into freelance editor after I quit being part of a scanlation group ages ago and mostly only edit when a new work interests me and a translator friend of mine.

In any case, I've been editing for a really long time (since '08, I think?) and came here to congratulate you on entering the scary but really rewarding world of scanlation. Orzz is pretty accurate when saying that you should rework a few sentences, though I can't comment too much on the translation aspect of it (I only go as far as proofreading/QC when it comes to translations and even then I freely admit I'm pretty bad at spotting things when they sound funny).

Speaking in terms of editing... not to sound too critical or anything, but almost all the text needs to be redone. The words are too large and pretty much struggle to fit inside the bubble. Not only is that not too easy on the eyes, but some of the smaller text (like the first page 2nd panel text "that color is...") just doesn't fit too well because of the large text to bubble ratio. Again, I don't want to come off as an overcritical jerk telling you that you did everything wrong. In the same vein, this is your very first project so a lot of these small mistakes (funny sounding sentences, unpolished editing) can be forgiven. Especially considering that you did a VERY good job (the redrawing was amazing, for example) despite it being your first edit/translation. Heck you were a lot better than me when I first started out.

In any case, I'm going to stop writing a gigantic novel to you. You did a great job and I really enjoyed the story and I do eagerly await your next project (although not your very next one since I'm not the biggest fan of Hakameda Mera... [don't throw rocks at me guys, pls!]). I mostly created this account and posted to the forums (I rarely use the Dynasty Forums. I like to just mooch off their reader to read pretty yuri manga.) to spread my cheers and see if you had an email or something I could keep in contact with you with. I know you don't really want any help, so I just wanted to let you know that if you have any questions or whatever you had someone to ask.

tl;dr you amaze me, yo. Can i have your #?

(sorry that i wrote a full length novel, guys ;A;)