Good evening! =D

@Fay:
To be perfectly honest, I like to rely on only my own experiences when giving advice like that, so you are probably dealing with different situations than I had to back then, since I'm 100% gay and you're bi. ^_^; When you really want girls to notice you though, the best thing I can advise you to do is really to simply not hide. I'm not saying enter a room of strangers and immediately announce you like girls. But maybe try flirting with girls or when you socialize, share some of your romantic experiences with girls just so people get the message, that you're interested in girls as well. /shrugs/ Or you could wear a T-shirt with the bi-flag on it, maybe that works as well. xD One thing's for sure though, if you actually want to get noticed, you have to be the active part. A peacock won't get game without flaunting its feathers. ;-)

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 8:13PM

@Martian:
That's probably true, but I've only ever noticed the stereotype being that popular with guys. As for girls, at least that's how it is here, it seems a lot of them don't really care to think about lesbians that much. They do have a lot of stereotypes about gay men though. It's kind of funny, actually. xD

@Fay:

how did you make women notice you then? :)

Well, I really actually started dating during my college years and that's when I was already old enough to go to bars, so I frequented gay and lesbian bars. xD Hamburg, the city where I studied, actually has a very big and active LGBT scene, so they also had a lot of queer clubs and bars. And despite everything, I never really hid. If a guy hit on me, I'd tell him I'm a lesbian and ask him to back off. Word usually got around and that's when some bullies usually found me, but that's also how interested girls found me as well. A double-edged sword, so to say. By being open about who I am, a lot of very unpleasant things happened to me, but I also met 3 girls, who changed my life. ^_^ If you really want to look for a girlfriend, I don't think there's any way around facing your peers. The moment you actually do get one and someone sees you holding hands somewhere, word will get out anyway, so you might as well just not beat around the bush to begin with.

@Azai:

Actually I was the one who said you were the badass

I really need to work on my memory. xD

Let's agree on something:

FAYLICIA IS ACTUALLY THE BADASS.
She's so badassly innocent, it's like she's wearing an impenetrable armor of sugar and fluff, that protects her from anything we pervs might throw at her. That is true badassery right there. u_u

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 7:51PM

@Azai:

Disclaimer: not trying to hit on you! xD
But honestly, I don't know anymore who it was, that claimed I was the badass in this forum (I also think I've disproven that enough already xD), but I think people are blind if they don't see how much of one you are. Seriously. I think there are only very, very few things more important, than keeping people healthy and everyone who does it (or, in your case, is about to do it) has my utmost respect. Just wanted to say that.

@Fay:
I found that when being told to describe how they picture a lesbian, most guys will describe a typical butch to you. xD I mean, some (coughhomophobescough) will get offensive and say lesbians are just fat man-girls with short hair and disgusting habits, but a lot seem to think, that lesbians are all sort of tomboyish. I'm not the least bit a tomboy. xD I'm so girly, you could probably use me as a poster child for being a feminine woman. xD It's just a very far spread stereotype a lot of boys believe, so I really have seen a whole lot of surprised and disbelieving male faces when I told them, that I'm actually a gold star and not the least bit interested in them. xD

@Martian:

So she was like the whole package. I can already imagine how attractive she is xD

Oh hell yeah. xD

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 7:22PM

There is something I do that can change things a little bit :)

It's just like you said that other time: both you and me seem to have one thing in common, which is the fact, that we find our purpose in helping people, who need our help. We might be too little too less to actually change the system, but at least for those people we make a difference and sometimes, it's that difference that can mean the world to someone. I don't know about you, but I don't care much about systems or the bigger picture as long as I can personally identify myself as not being a marionette of it. I am who am for reasons that I chose, not because what someone tries to dictate onto me. ^_^

She was about 2 centimeters shorter than me, so around Su's height actually, but she was broad. And I don't mean fat, but she was naturally build like a guy. She had really broad shoulders. When she stood in front of me, I could actually completely hide behind her if I just bent my knees a little. xD And she was naturally protective as well. Being with her felt a little bit like dating my brother, which sounds completely wrong, I know, but what I'm saying is she made me feel safe and that was just awesome.

Ah, I see. I already imagined her having a body build like a guy, only way taller.

Nah, most guys were still taller than her, even if only a little bit. xD I remember she was so insanely popular. The girls were all over her cause she was like a handsome guy, who actually understood girl stuff and guys were all over her, because they knew they could hang with her like she was a dude, but also talk to her about girls and actual emotional stuff and not get laughed at. It was like she came to the uni and immediately got game. Meanwhile, there was me, just your typical femme lesbian, trying to convince guys that I actually am gay and not just looking for an excuse to get rid of them. I guess they all got the message when Luce and me actually did end up together. Lol. Okay. Nostalgia mode's off now. xD

Lucy is a mountain?

She was about 2 centimeters shorter than me, so around Su's height actually, but she was broad. And I don't mean fat, but she was naturally build like a guy. She had really broad shoulders. When she stood in front of me, I could actually completely hide behind her if I just bent my knees a little. xD And she was naturally protective as well. Being with her felt a little bit like dating my brother, which sounds completely wrong, I know, but what I'm saying is she made me feel safe and that was just awesome.

@Fay:
Oh, the one that locked me up. Yeah...I loved her. But that was kind of over pretty quickly when she went "I'll show you how Hell feels like, since this is where you will go!" /sighs/

@Azai:
I see...so at some point, they really are putting a price on human lives. /shakes head/ Sometimes it just fills me with disgust to understand how the world works.

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 6:56PM

But um, you loved that girl didn't you? I guess it's really hard to hurt someone you like '-'

Who exactly are you referring to? The freaky ex? I wouldn't exactly call it love. I was into her. She was hot and nice and funny, so I just wanted to see if we could take things further. I actually never said the 3 magic words to her, so I guess for me we were just friends with benefits for a while. But I guess for her, I was a huuuuge deal. o_o;

Lin

Hopefully the "Return of the Exes" episode won't continue xD

Like I said, since Su and my brother are out of commission for a bit, I actually wouldn't mind at all if Lucy suddenly popped up outta nowhere. She's a mountain. She could protect me. Dx
Geez, I sound pathetic. But I actually am legitimately pissing my pants...

@Azai:

I see! Oh, I have another question. When Su and I went to that one appointment with her doctor and talked about the transplantation, he told us that she's lucky to get it in Germany, since we have technology, which can at least keep a heart alive for a very long time (something to do with the heart apparently having its own nervous center and thus not being necessarily dependent on the brain, I think) and apparently, there are a huge number of other countries, where this wouldn't be possible, since they could keep a heart alive for maybe 12 hours or a day at the absolute max. Do you know if there's a reason why the medical researchers of the world don't work together for things like that at least? I mean, if one country has developed technology, that could potentially save a lot of lives, why wouldn't they share their findings? Do you think money would be the only reason or is there more behind it? Sorry if I'm bothering you, I'm just really curious about things like. And having someone from the field to talk to is more reliable than google sometimes. ^_^

@Azai:
Anesthesist would be more of a lab job though, right?

@Martian:

She might've been stalking you for quite sometime.

No, she just googled me and that's how she found out where I live. I actually asked her at the door about that. See, if you know my last name, which she does, and you google me, you'd be directed to my business website, which will give you my business Email and my business phone number as well as my assistant's biz Email and number. Now, she's not stupid. Instead of calling me, she called my assistant, told her she was an old friend who wanted to surprise me, so my assistant told her where I live. =_= She's a klutz like that. And now I'm paying the price for it.

omg!! buy pepper spray or sth! >.<

That won't do anything. I have this...weird mental block going on whenever I even think about attacking someone. I just start trembling, like my entire body is shivering and then I freeze. And that's it. That's why my friend was able to lock me in that room all those years ago, that's why I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks after that girl, who was considerably smaller than me, beat me up in that alley once. I just don't defend myself for some reason. I've seen some psych docs to help me, but they could never find out what's actually wrong with me. They all said it might actually be a physical and not a mental reaction, since there is literally nothing in my past or in my life in general, which would explain this trait. 7shrugs/ I guess I'm just a born omega bottom. I'd probably rather let someone actually kill me than defend myself.

can't you tell the police to like keep an eye on her or something? isn't harassment a valid issue to call the police!? >.<

Not in Berlin. There isn't enough police in the city to begin with and they have their hands full dealing with a truckload of things. They usually don't act until something actually happened.

@Azai:
Been wanting to ask that for a while now: what are you actually specializing in? Also, how long did you need to study until now? (I'm assuming you being responsible for patients in a few months means you're about to get your PhD?)

Just threatened that I'd call the cops on her and she finally left. Gawd. 3 months! It was 3 months. And that was almost 7 years ago! How fucked up in the head can a person be? >_<

omg!!! she's worse than those guys I've known for like 3 years and are still all clingy or say they like me!!! O_O
actually she's boss level compared to those.

I'm just hoping she really stays away, because I have literally nobody to protect me at the moment. My brother is a complete and utter mess cause of his divorce, Su is in hospital and the cops won't do anything here unless something actually happens, that prove that she's dangerous. They don't usually react to people simply coming to them and asking for protection when they feel threatened by someone. Usually, they'll just turn you away and tell you to come back when you actually got something real. Now, I haven't seen her for 7 years. I was surprised enough that she even recognized me. And now she knows where I live. I won't lie, I'm actually really scared at the moment. Like...really fucking scared. Remember how I once said, that I just freeze up and do nothing when I get physically threatened? Worst case scenario is she's actually gonna stalk me and assault me when I'm alone and do stuff I don't even wanna think about and I probably won't do anything to defend myself.

By the way, Lin, I have written a reply to what you told me yesterday but it's a bit long... >.> I tried to condense it only went down to 1100 words... Just tell me when you feel like reading it because I don't want to just randomly post it; I don't really wanna trouble you... But you tell me things no one has ever told me before and I have actually seen three psychologists during secondary/high school

Sorry, but at the moment, I'm a bit too busy trying to keep my own mind in line, so I'll take a rain check on that.
That aside though, at the moment, just don't worry about me analyzing you. One question you need to answer for yourself is this: do you think you have issues you need to sort out or can you go on living just fine with them? Until now, I haven't been able to grasp what you think about that. It seems that until now, you've been busy correcting me and giving me more info to get to better conclusions, which is helpful, but not essentially the point of what you should worry about. :-)

It would've made sense if you've been together for 7 years and have just broken up for 3 months...Geez, that girl's definitely wrong in the head. You should be careful, who knows if she'll come back again o.o

O__O....Well, since it's "return of the ex"- season, maybe I should get in touch with Lucy the Stone Butch Hockey player again. She still owes me, after all. ^_^;;

Gawddammit Su, get back home already! Dx /sobs/

I've never had a sister so it's totally foreign to me how they can maintain a state of constant fighting and yet still tell each other everything under the sun.

I've never understood that as well. I only have brothers and it's absolutely different with them, so a bond between sisters is something I wouldn't understand either.

@Azai:

Which crisis?

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 5:11PM

They can go for hours with seemingly no end.

Now I'm curious. How long did they actually go?

Just threatened that I'd call the cops on her and she finally left. Gawd. 3 months! It was 3 months. And that was almost 7 years ago! How fucked up in the head can a person be? ><
Now, I'm gonna tell my dear assistant tomorrow to never ever just give my address to someone ever again. ==

Yea she's lost it. Glad u didnt open that door though she would have jumped ur bones.

I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if she had resorted to that. /hugs cat/ Yep. No sleep anytime soon.

Also, hey there, Dofu. :-)

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 4:58PM

She just keeps knocking, going "Angelina! Angie, come on! Let me talk to you baby, come on! Open up, please!" She's been doing that for minutes. I told her to back off already, told her that I'm happy in a relationship, that we're over and that she needs to get fucking lost, but she just doesn't give up. I give her five more minutes, if she's not gone by then, I'm calling the cops on her ass. >_<

My freaky ass ex is at my door. It's late in the evening and she just keeps knocking at the door, asking to be let in. Holy fuck, I have a stalker! O__O

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 4:36PM

Plot twist in WDTFS: Italian-Arabic woman appears and fix Sumin and Seju relationship with her psych thingy.

With how Team Gaji has been pulling us back and forth with all the unexpected drama twists lately, would you really be surprised if that happened? xD I'm literally expecting anything at this point, lol.

Not the you hooking p with Sungji though, Su might cut you open xD

She would probably just slap me, but she would definitely knife-threaten Sungji. Like this:

Okay, maybe not exactly like this, but yeah...

so where are u and Rainy from?lol

Indonesia! =D #SuperiorMemorySkills Yes, I'm actually proud of having remembered that. xD

Gosh, you guys sharing your experiences of sleep paralysis and nightmares makes me actually afraid of going to sleep. >_<

@Lin
The worst part of it is to know we did nothing wrong. And we get all that hatred for nothing.

I guess the only thing we can really do is to just hang in there, keep on fighting. Support the kids, who spread the right message, because it really does feel like there's a lot of hope in the young generations. We're getting there. Slowly and only baby step by baby step, but I have a feeling we're definitely moving forward. And this gives me hope. :-)

Btw, just throwing something in, since we were talking about dreams.
Last night, I actually dreamt I was friends with Sungji and we cooperated in getting Sumin and Seju back together. We also succeeded! =D And then Sungji wanted to hook up with me. xD

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 3:46PM

I want to say that I don't believe in those kind of things, but I've had quite a few experience with them ><. I totally relate to that, I hate it when I see my dog staring at a certain spot for a very long time and starts barking, also when they start crying in the middle of the night Dx. You know, I have an aunt who can foresee death through her dreams. But she never tries to do so, the dream just come to her. The last time she dream seeing my uncle in a coffin, and about a year later he passes away. And that was not the first...o.o

OMG, this happened to me once in my life when I was 16 years old. I completely broke down after that experience. Dx It happened when I was still living in Munich. I didn't foreseee somebody dying, but I foresaw a house fire. My mother and me went shopping that one day and we walked past this apartment block. The 3 top floors were engulfed in flames. I stood there and stared and I told my mom, that I saw this happening in my dream. I also told her, that the roof would come crashing down soon and guess what? 10 minutes later, that actually happened. I completely freaked out after that. >_< Fortunately enough, this never happened again, which is something I'm grateful for.

However, the violence against lgbt people is awfully expressive, and it's on the rising.

/sighs heavily/
You know, sometimes I really wonder what we've ever done to them. If we'd be out there, trying to spread homosexuality like it's a world view with methods similar to terrorists, then I'd understand it. But we're not. All we want is to be able to live and love freely, just like everyone else. /shaking head/ It's just sad. It's really sad how such ignorance and arrogance are still not a thing of the past.

Since the topic scary things appeared, have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Thankfully not.

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 3:19PM

It's a long time ago though, back when I was an innocent little child. I was on my home from school. When I pass the backyard of my house, I turn my head just to look if anyone's home. The back door was open, and there, was standing a women dressed in a floral print shirt, black skirt, shoulder length black hair waving at me, but I just kept walking. I remember thinking to myself, oh that must be my aunt visiting. But then I took a step back and took a better look of that person, and that's when I realised that she had no face. It was flat and white. And she was still waving at me. I then ran home, and there was my brother there, already home. I asked him whether our aunt has come to visit, and he told me that nobody came...And it was in the middle of the day o.o

...Well, I wasn't really planning on sleeping tonight anyway, so...ahahahaha. ^_^;
Seriously though, a lot of people usually say they wouldn't have guessed it, but I guess you could say I'm a little bit into the occult and I actually do believe in the existence of ghosts, spirits, phantoms and etc. Sometimes, Reeba or Jacky come into the room, stare at something in the air, that I apparently can't see and then suddenly run like hell to another room. I hate when they do that. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, as if there's a ghost in the room and a pair of invisible eyes watching me. I know, it's probably silly, but gooosh... >_<

last edited at Apr 16, 2016 2:51PM