The part about Homura's hair is actually really sweet, page 24 in particular is precious. Maitake's MadoHomu works are all really silly, but there is also an underlying sweetness that shines through sometimes. They're wonderful.
I agree, it's kinda stilted. I like the art, the angst, the fluff. But the plot hints at half-a-dozen things that it doesn't really flesh out. It could've been twice as long for all the things it brought in but didn't tie up. Still, not bad.