But, but(!!) "I have to get it wet or it won't go inside me."
Someday, I'm going to read porn that justifies this somehow without coming across as excessively silly. Maybe if I keep telling myself this, it'll come true. Maybe.
This reminds me of those posts on Tumblr where someone says "in X country we don't say I love you we say something in another language" and it turns out to mean something completely different.